Freaking out - alternating uneven pupils (left and right)

[Shadowhawk]

So, i have been (of course along with so mnay other things) dealing with alot of anxiety; but along with that, i have been having genuine eye issues (long story, but blepharitis and some other issues caused by my sleep apnea. The irony, the obvious physical damage i dealt with in the past was worse than now, but i wasn't quite so broken then.....).



The last few weeks, i noticed that i think i was having a flare up of my issues again, so i have been trying to be proactive about them. But this week, i noticed that i have some (at some times) uneven pupils (anisocoria), combined with my other issues (redness, but i thought it was my dry eyes) and pain (again, dry eyes and bleph).. Thanks to google of course, combined with everything, i got myself very worried that it is something serious. But what is even worse; my pupils alternate between which is bigger!


I went to an optometrist (i am pissed, because i forgot that is the one occupation where Dr is not really a Dr.. i thought i was seeing an ophthalmologist...), who did note it (but also noted that it was reversed from what i saw before), and suggested i bring it up at my regular optho visit at the end of this month (booked well in advance of this), but noted that i may have had this for a while, and they just didn't tell me since it wasn't a concern (she did the slit lamp inspection and only noted dry eye).



I am just worried, despite seeing her, that it is is something serious. My pupils both respond to light, and certainly constrict in bright light. My right eye (where i have noted it before) is the one that has had more damage/trauma, but i am so scared its something unrelated to it. And of course, thanks to google ( i KNOW), i worry it something really really bad...



Not sure what i am looking for, other than maybe somebody who can relate. For what its worth, i am dealing with a huge amount of stress (my ex wife is coming back to town this week for our daughter's birthday, and i haven't seen her since we divorced... ), but there is no way this can just be stress...

[Shadowhawk]

Sigh.. i swear this issue is tripping me up. I felt like it was going away, but after i got stressed this weekend, it came right back. And of course, predictably, i fell right back into my problem of googling and looking at symptoms, and seeing all the horrible things this can be linked to (tumors and artery problems, palsy and other nerve disorders). I keep flashing my eyes with my flashlight to see if they constrict (they do), and then dilate (they do, but can stay uneven). I found diagnostic charts and try to follow them, but given that the unevenness switches at times, its hard to follow ANY path (which makes it easy to believe it is a massive problem).

Of course, my father made my anxiety much worse after brow-beating me, going on about optometrists being only good for glasses, and that they wouldn't know anything, and that i really need to see a surgeon. I already have a hard enough time trusting docs... so hearing a rant about the one i saw being worthless removed ANY wellbeing i had from my previous visit.

I know no one cares, and can't dignose an issue. But i just needed to vent, because its literally my only outlet; i have no friends and no social life. My ex-wife is back in town for our daughter this week, so my stress is already through the roof, and now this...i feel like i literally have no hope left anymore.. I just want to be normal and happy again...

[Shadowhawk]

Well, I managed to get a same day appointment at my regular eye surgeons office. Its ironically again with an optometrist, but this one will have all my records, and surgeons are on hand if they spot a problem..

Scared of what they will say and see, but more scare that my inaction will cause a further problem. Of course, I could have a brain tumor and am screwed either way....