Im desperate, please help

[laura.b]

I am a 17 year old girl that has been dealing with severe and constant (as in 24/7) anxiety and panic attacks for 6 months.
I have always been anxious and when i was 13 i went through a year of intense anxiety and panic attacks though it finally got better. At the age of 14 i was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa and am still suffering from it now. I also have an extreme phobia of vomit which effects me everyday.

Recently i have been going through intense anxiety and im desperate to get over this. I was on 40g of fluoxine for a year but during the most severe anxiety took 3mg of diazepam 3 times a day for 2 weeks but now i am on 30mg of mirtazepine (which shouldnt be given to under 18s) and i am really not feeling any effects at all. The only break from anxiety i have felt in months is when i was taking the diazepam and since going off them my anxiety has gradually worked its way up again.

My doctors are refusing to give me anything stronger and will not give me any CBT until my weight is restored to a healthy weight (which will take about 6 months) but with me anxiety being so intense combined with my vomit phobia eating is becoming impossible and anything i do eat gets burned off with nervous energy. My doctors do not believe i have an anxiety problem that it is just caused by my weight but i disagree as i had an anxiety problem when i was little and at a perfect weight and infact i have been at a much lower weight than i am at now and had absolutely no anxiety.

I feel like i am stuck, my parents cannot afford to see a private CB therapist but yet my doctors will not do any with me. My life quality is deteriorating for me and things i would normally would have been fine doing (going to the shops and school) have become extremely hard for me to do as i am stricken with fear and even get anxious about being anxious and not being able to cope. I cannot managed to go to my boyfriend of 3 years house without having panic attacks now.

I am starting to feel very depressed and feel that there is no point of living if this is my quality of life from now on. I would really appricate if someone could tell me of any medication that i could take long term that really works and would help me get to a healthier weight to get some CBT.

[Gemma T]

Hiya!

Sorry to hear of the tough time ur having. I'm pretty sure you can refer urself through the nhs. You will have to ask nicola though. She would know more about that.

I see your young. Do u go college or anything? They normally have counsellors there as well.

If u need to talk pm me.

Take care x x x

[lc2613]

Hi huni,
I can honestly say I know how you feel, diazepam was great for me but doctors do not like prescribing it because it's addictive. Read my threads Hun it was all I felt comfortable . I can only suggest a private doctor may prescribe them. On a better note I am of of diazepam now and I take 40mg of vita or ram which does the job and incase of panic attack I have emergency diazepam where ibwill take 1/2 mg and itvwill calm me down now.
If ibwere you I would ask to be increased on your fluoxitineni believe it's fine to take 60 mg cause there obviously not working properly. Hope you feel better soon feel free to message me x x

[rosa_j_t]

I don't have much to add really, I don't know a great deal about the medication side of things. I'm also on mirtazapine, and have found it moderately helpful but not enormously.

To be honest, I think they're only useful as a stop-gap, to get you onto a level where you can deal with the anxiety properly. It's sad to hear about your doctors, is there any possibility of switching to a different surgery? Some are more understanding and helpful. I think it's HUGELY important to get the treatment you need. Nag and nag and nag if you have to, sometimes you just have to push, and, frankly, you're in the right, it sounds like they should be doing more, so don't give up. Tell them you're desperate. Tell them you need help ASAP. Make them see how much you need it!

As far as the CBT is concerned, you could try getting a book about it and making a start on it yourself. I know it's almost impossible to make these kinds of decisions when you're in this state, but I think eventually you reach a point where you're so desperate that you just plough on through the anxiety and get stuff done anyway! I've been on a waiting list for CBT for a while now, and when I found out how long it was going to take me, I thought *** it, I'll buy a book and do it myself if I have to. At least make a start anyway.

Also, relaxation techniques, eg. diaphragmatic breathing, several times a day, AND doing a body scan AND the one where you tense your muscles then let go, have helped me. It takes time, to notice an effect, so the sooner you start the sooner you'll start to get better. The other thing that's helped me is mindfulness meditation, but I know meditation often seems offputting so that's a personal thing.

Anyway. Remember you're not alone! I too am going through a bad patch right now, and am back to daily anxiety, but I've seen what helps and so just have to plough on through the bad seconds, minutes, hours, days, KEEP doing the relaxation things and the meditation, and the self-CBT, with patience. Take care! Keep posting here! You don't have to go through this on your own. xx

EDIT: Just had another thought...
In terms of your eating, have you tried snacking? I've found that helpful myself, even if its just a few nuts here or there. Dried fruit is also very good. If you like ginger, crystallised ginger is quite nice, as are ginger biscuits.

I think I heard that an empty stomach sends a message to the brain to release adrenlin (to prepare for you to hunt, apparently!), and I often find that if I'm very hungry, I'm too anxious and nauseaus to eat. So instead I snack. Eat a couple of nuts, keep doing the relaxing exercises, till you're feeling less awful from hunger, then some more nuts. You could eat loads, they're high in energy, and it feels less like proper eating somehow. It's an idea, might be worth trying.

On the subject of diet, do you also find that you don't drink much water? I find that, when I'm anxious I don't drink or swallow or anything, which can also increase anxiety levels. It isn't so much about drinking lots of water, it's about having the odd sip now and again. If you can bring yourself to just have a sip once in a while (which is how I do it), or one nut here or there, it's one nut in the right direction. I know it's easier said than done, and everyone is different - only you know what you find easy and what you find nearly impossible.

Anyway, if this advice helps, brilliant, if it doesn't, then it's obviously not the best/most suitable advice for you. xx

[laura.b]

thankyou everyone, all this advice had been really useful and its nice to know im not the only one who is experiencing this

I went to my psychiatrist yesterday and he has upped my mirtazepine to 45mg a day now, however he still refuses to give me CBT. My parents are saving up for a few sessions of private CBT and we are going to make a form complaint about the lack of support i have received and that in the guidelines to my care they have not provided me with therapy to prevent my weight relapsing.

Tips like breathing techniques and the muscle thing have been good, i have never been told or taught these things!

thank you all again, i feel much better knowing that i can do things myself and dont have to rely on getting therapy to get through this