Always convinced my partner hates me

[charlie20]

Hi

I am pretty sure this issue is linked to my anxiety issues....I have been with my OH for 6 years since I was 16 and he was 18...we have bought a house together and apart from some major wobbly moments around the 2-3 year mark we have done alright...

Problem is I am CONVINCED he is fed up of me and is looking for a way out...he is very laid back, easy going and I think he is only still with me as its too much effort to leave!

He gives me hugs, attention and tho he is too much into his computer he will do anything for me (once his game has finished haha!)...he has gone away tonight and didnt give me a hug when he left...he is taking his mum to her friends and I think having her to stay has been a bit stressful for him...anyways he hugged me abit before leaving but then when it came to it just got in the car andleft...

Anyways I wish I could have the confidence to feel confident in my relationship...I am sure its connected to the anxiety and wondered if anyone had any tips?? I think being so down about it really drives him away more than anything else!!

Thanks!

[Anxious_gal]

he does sound rather lovely Affection is always a good sign!
Be careful of being too clingy, what men consider clingy varies a lot!
I would actually ask him!!
I used to get a bit stressed when the guy was about to leave, always thinking of ways to get them to stay lol or giving hugs that were too long.
But once the guy told me, that did help me be a bit more self aware and realize i get too stressed when people are leaving me!

Tips
Talk to him,ask him questions.
Of course don't be submissive to him.
Don't ask for reassurance too much, it comes off as needy.
Ye both want to be equal.
CBT to change how you think and to boost your confidence.
Really work on your self confidence, make a list of all the wonderful things about you.
Look in the mirror and really enjoy your beauty instead of finding flaws.
Have your own interests and friends outside of him, it helps keep you balanced and shows he isn't your whole world and that you value your self and your life.
You may be sensitive to rejection, and take random things as signs he's not into you.
men really like their own space, so be careful of smothering him, when men come home from work they like an hour all to themselves to relax and distress.

thats all I can think of

[charlie20]

Thank you so much! Your tips are brilliant! I think I am better than I used to be but still struggle... I will remember your words and try and follow them... Brilliant advise!

[johnno]

yeah awesome advice from mishel. I think when we are insecure we interpret things through insecure eyes, so someone could be tired and just wants a bit peace we can often take it that they getting sick of us. We seem to closely monitor how people behave with us for a clue as to how they feel about us or what they think of us. Again its from the feeling of lack and not enough when in reality we fine as we are. I always think about people like this because it makes me go easy on myself and others... I always think we doing the best we can with the best we know and we cant do any worse or less than that because we don't know what is best for us until we do. We sometimes don't realise what we doing and no fault of ours. I'm pretty sure if hes been with you 6 years hes happy with you. I couldn't bare been with someone that long that i didnt want to be with lol but yes you best asking him i think *hugs*