Preparing...

[MaryMac]

Hi everyone. This might sound like quite a morbid subject but I'm curious. The last few weeks have been terrible for my HA, it's the first time I've every really considered death, because I convinced myself I have leukemia. I've calmed down slightly but still having my moments and "symptoms"... But when it was bad, I felt like I was in a black hole. I was imagining getting the bad news, how would I react? What would I do? How quickly would my condition deteriorate? Being on my deathbed with my family around me, would I be able to talk to them? What would I feel like if I knew I was going to die? What would my funeral be like? What would I miss? It's horrible.

I felt like I'd actually accepted that I'd been given a diagnosis and 2 months to live, even though I haven't seen a doctor in about 9 years! It was so strange and although I'm too scared to go to the doctor, even if I went and got tests and they came back clear, I worry about the future and "what will I feel like if I ACTUALLY am diagnosed with something?"

Because I'm 29, always had good health (other than my anxiety), terminal illness and death hasn't really ever crossed my mind before, but for some reason the past few weeks have had me preparing for the worst. Does anyone else feel like this?

[SomeOddworld]

All people with health anxiety get feelings like this (myself included), so trust me when I say you're not alone on this.

I would definetly make that trip to the docs though, not because there's anything wrong with you but just to put your mind at ease.

[MaryMac]

Thanks for the reply, sooo glad Im not alone. I just don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. Even though I've suffered anxiety, it's never been as intense. I keep getting little aches and pains which convince me theres something badly wrong, however my friends are fabulous and reassuring. I also work in a hospital funnily enough, so I'd like to think if I looked seriously ill, a doc or nurse would point it out.
I'll see how I feel next week, and maybe I'll go to the doctor.

[kirstynic]

I know what you mean, I have been up for the last hour in a panic and so sad. I think I have bone cancer and was contemplating a trip to a&e to see if they would do a X-ray as my knee is much more painful today.

I have been laying here feeling so alone, thinking of my 3 year old girl who is my world, and how I will leave her behind and she will have to watch me sick and ill and then die.
I worry of her finding a new mummy and forgetting about me and all the love we have. I am convinced this cancer is my fate, I can see the doctors telling me and my husband feeling guilty for not believing me and blaming the HA. My mum and dad would be devastated I can see the tears and fears in there eyes as they watch me slowly decline. This to me all seems like it is definitley goin to happen I can't see any other cause for my pain and all my symtoms match. I am awake in this dark lonely hour shaking and scared and I just want to be a happy healthy mummy and watch my baby grow up, pick her up when she falls, I just want to be her mummy I don't want to die :'(

[elveypotter]

Can anyone help me with this??

I have been really good with my HA recently but today I just let it overwhelm me as I have been at home by myself all day.

I am a 19 year old female.

I have been feeling hot recently (it has been warmer weather) and I keep convincing myself that I am waking up with night sweats (wake up hot with very very slight dampness). I also have headaches, a persistant almost mucus-y cough, sore ankles, and sore ears.

I have become really worried that I have leukemia and dying. I also have trouble seeing a doctor as I work during doctors hours :/ and it is hard to get time off.

Do you think there is any chance?
Thanks

---------- Post added at 19:28 ---------- Previous post was at 19:16 ----------

Forgot to mention I also have a lot of leg bruises that have been there a while.

[cattia]

I think we have all done this; imagining getting the diagnosis and playing out in our minds the whole grim scenario. I have done this so many times, imagining slipping away from my kids, imagining what it would be like to die and what will happen to my family once I am gone. It is all part of our anxiety to project into the future like this and torture ourselves with these thoughts. I think that in some strange way it is related to trying to be in control. It's like somehow if we have already gone through all these things in our minds we are somehow trying to prepare ourselves for them. I don't know what the answer to this ie, but I do know that these thoughts are common for people with HA,