The blame game and where did IT come from!

[CrazyC]

I was just wondering if any of you Blame anyone for your Anxiety. or Have you been told its "learnt behavior" see i am annoyed right now and sat in tears because of my mother and the way im spoken to and treated like a child. I am the baby of the family and the only one left at home and at times i feel so patronized and it makes me worse like i cant do things alone.

I often think....do i need my parents because i cannot do things alone...or is it my parents making me believe i cant do things alone. Do i break free...and struggle...or stick here..confused. My Councillor has said some of my anxiety is learnt behavior from my father but now im older and understand all this abit more i have noticed just how PANIC my mother is. She is very easily paniced. and before she goes out she has to tell me....the strangest things like im 5. or If i am cooking she has to watch or mention things as if i need the help. I know i sound so grumpy but at times i feel so trapped! im 25!!!!!!!!

My boyfriend has began to notice im much more on edge when around my parents...and easily upset when constantly spoken down to. Im upset so cannot thing of an exact example but my boyfriend has mentioned before that im spoken to like a child and treated like a child.

I have 2 brothers and a sister...none of them have nearly half the issues i have...with anxiety, panic, stress. I feel guilty for blaming my parents but at times they do not help the situation and i can see how i have fallen into there bad ways.

This also leads to me not wanting children as wouldnt wish this shit on anybody. I am sooooooooooo stressy right nowi neededto vent and wondered if anybody blames someone for their anxiety or has an idea where it came from. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[theharvestmouse]

I started blaming myself and then realised that some other people have played a part in why I am like I am today. You can take the view that no-one is to blame even those who have unintentionally made things worse. Sometimes my bitterness and resentment of those who I deem to have made things worse bubbles to the surface but its no good. Hate consumes you from within and those who you blame do not feel anything.

In my case I am talking about so called friends who have caused me to feel sadness at times. There is even a family member (an inlaw) who I do not trust and who has said hurtful things to me that later on I realised were completely wrong.

Anyway I think its natural for people to look for someone to blame but in the end does it do any good, I don't think so. We should focus our efforts on trying to get better, and being positive, and in my experience pointing the finger or feeling hate or bitterness only makes things worse.

In terms of parents, they do what they think is best, and sometimes it can be a difficult situation for them and for us.

[lauz_lea]

Hi Crazy C
After suffering for 16 years (from my late teens), my mum told me last week that she suffers too (not in so many words because she didn't want to go into it in detail). She asked me if it could be her fault, and whilst I don't blame my mum, it certainly explains a lot about me and my condition.

I've been going back over my life and key events and I can certainly see how I could have inherited anxiety - both my mother and I are perfectionists in many (though differing) aspects of our lives, we worry about other people a lot, we have obsessional thoughts at times, we dwell on things for a long time, we are both very sensative to others opinions of us, the list goes on.

I believe it's more the nature/nuture cycle than an inherited condition, but I don't know enough about genetics so who knows.

One thing I do know is that my daughter gets quite anxious too, she's 7, BUT I hope she's young enough for me to be able to help her overcome it now.

Our parents will always treat us as their babies, no matter what age we are, but as the youngest, it's probably very hard for them to remember you're an adult. Once they see you standing on your own two feet, living away from them their attitudes will shift, but you'll always be their baby, even when you're 50!

[CrazyC]

I think it makes it worse that both have issues with anxiety/panic yet neither of them would actually admit such a thing for example there are 100s of things my mum will not do including driving somewhere she doesnt know or being in a crowd/public speaking yet if i question her reasons its always just because SHE DOESNT WANT TO!!!

Im tired and in a rather fowl mood today so sorry if my posts do seem abit ranty. Just been pushed over the edge.

[PUGLETMUM]

hi, well like everyone who has suffered long term i too have looked to find a 'cause' - which usually involves either taking responsibility or blaming my parents/grandparents/eldest sister - but at the end of the day as ive learned from a brilliant professional - it is pointless and unhelpful coz a) it wont change whats happened and b) it leaves you feeling angry at others for their part or angry at yourself for your part?! - so whats the point? it just happened - you, your people, your situation have all conspired to make this happen, but because we are intelligent enough to think we can change things - thats the best thing to focus on - not yours or anyone elses failings and not the past - much easier said than done when you are feeling anxious, depressed or both - but eventually you can let go of it all and move on -

[petram]

i blame my flipping doctor although i know deep down it aint his fault!!! i was on sertaline for years but over the last year or so only took like 2 or 3 a week on the lowest dose poss.
but about 4 months ago i had a shoulder complaint and just happen to mention i felt sluggish and he said ok take the sertaline every day now and u be fine!!!

fine..........my anxiety shot through roof and set harm ocd off which i hadnt had for 6 years!!!
i got about 20 side effects on top of this too , i perserveered for 8 weeks then finally thought stuff this called him told him for the past week id taken half my dose and i wanted to come off , he agreed .12 weeks on im still suffereing every day and ocd thoughts and now depressions sneaking in !!! thanks a flipping lot , now he wants me to try venaxfaline , and im shit scared too coz of what the other 1 s done so sufferring!!!! miserably:( i did try st johns wort for 2 days and just found out they work like ssri s which im intolerant too.........after 2 tabs had direaha n heightened anxiety if poss as im constantly anxious , yes too most of my family suffer anxiety too ...

[theharvestmouse]

I do often wonder why am I like this and my siblings are normal, but I do know that the main person at fault is myself. I have made the decisions that lead me down a bad path in my life.

[lauz_lea]

I think for me, it's not about attributing "blame", but having an understanding of where it all came from and how I got here.

I don't "blame" my mum, in fact it's a relief to know that she understands, and it gives me strength to know that the strongest woman I have ever known struggled with the same condition - I admire her for it. No matter what life threw at her, it never showed to us as children and she spent many years as a single parent, but always maintained her values and ethics, which she strongly instilled in me and my siblings.

[theharvestmouse]

right now I'm blaming this God forsaken world, its beaten me.