depressive/anxious thoughts

[W.I.F.T.S.]

Whenever I watch lifestyle or holiday programmes on tv I feel sick in my stomach. I've just been watching something about people buying houses and I kept having the thought 'I'd be so depressed if I lived there' or 'that place looks so empty, I'd feel so alone' or 'I can't handle the resposnibility of having my own place'. With holiday programmes I feel sick because I put myself in the position of that person and feel like I want to come home.

Those thoughts snowball and I think 'I can't be normal because other people cope with having their own place and they even get excited about it' and then I think 'I won't ever feel happy with a place', 'I'll only ever be able to afford places that make me miserable and I'll never have a nice place'.

Those thoughts then snowball and I think 'I'll never be able to leave home' and 'what will I do when my family die?'

I've been reading the Obitz book and I like the idea of "thought-catching" and the Thought-Error-Analysis technique.

It is hard for me to see the error in my thinking. I'm the sort of person who thinks 'I'll be happy when that happens or when this happens'.

I'd find it very difficult to move out and get my own place at the moment, especially as getting into lots of financial trouble with my last place precipitated my breakdown.

I just feel a bit overwhelmed and daunted by everything. I'm not especially happy as I am, but I'm scared of trying anything else. I definitely one of those type of people who feels like evryone is watching me waiting for me to fail and it makes me very fearful of making mistakes, which means that I don't like taking chances. That comes from my family being quite critical.

I suppose I just need a bit of help with getting grounded and moving thorough the fears and the worries that are keeping me feel pinned in.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[Daisybun]

Its getting control of our thoughts, they have such an effect on who we are. I've been reading a lot about that and I realised I've always been negative. Anything i want etc. good things - 'It'll never happen to me' whereas anything bad 'That'sll happen to me'. i am so try ing to turn things around, when I get a negative thought, eg I'm never going to get better, i say I am on the road to the recovery, i feel yuck right now but it will pass and i can get better. I'm also trying to give my mind a reast. My thoughts tend to race at 110mph and i try and figure evrything out, the answer to every problem instead of one day at a time and breaking things down into priorities. I also have fear as an enemy but I now tell it where to go when it creeps up on me, that is what it is, just fear it is not real - False Evidence Appearing Real! Be real don't look at the lies. Sorry I've babbled a bit there. Don't know if I've made any sense at all, hope so.

Take care
Daisybun

'This too will pass'

[Ammeg]

hey wish
do u live with ur parents then?? how old u hun?? as daisy said its bout controlin thoughts!
ammegx

[Keitharcher]

Hi

maybe you should start thyinking i would like to be there just because its different to here, or what an adventure it would treking through thart jungle and swatting all those mossies. Even if I lived there I would repaint that room knock that wall down etc. As gem and daisy have said its all about the way you look at things. look at things from a different angle and you will get hours of pleasure from watching those tv ptograms

Keith

[W.I.F.T.S.]

I know what you're saying. It's my thoughts that have made me so miserable and anxious and I have the power to change my thoughts and for them to make me happy.

I just find it so hard. I was reading the Christine Ingham book about Panic attacks and she talks about 'knowing yourself' and I feel like a stranger to myself. I get frustrated a lot because I don't behave or think in the way that I want to. I'm very often late for things, I don't take enough pride in my appearance, I don't stick at things for long enough. I don't want to be like that.

I used to blame my family for the way that I am. I used to say that they were overcritical or expected too much of me, but my dad used to take me to football to build up my confidence and my mum was always really proud of me. I think that I expect far too much of myself. I always put pressure on myself to be the best at everything and when I worked at it I normally did very well. A lot of the time however I expected things to come without working at them.

One of the thoughts that depresses me at the moment is that I'm not in the right time or place or that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. That I'm wasting time. That I'm letting my potential go to waste.

I think that I only ever give myself a very small margin of success. Things have to be totally amazing for them to be any good and even then I'll quickly forget about them.

The way I picture my life is one that only a small proportion of people will achieve: an appartment on the thames, gorgeous girlfriend, amazing social life, job satisfaction. Even when I downscale it and say that I'd accept a record company or tv job and to be really trendy, it's still beyond the reach of most people and actually not that glamourous anyway.

I need to give myself lots of more attainable goals. I'm thinking of becoming a soccer coach. The qualifications don't take that long and I know that there is work in that area. I feel that it would give me a lot more satisfaction and variety than my current job. The negatives that I'm giving myself about it though are that it might involve travel (I could always say no and, anyway, travel is a GOOD thing), I might not like talking to so many people and giving them instructions (I do the same thing now anyway for the football team that I manage, it's not as hard as i think and it will be good for my confidence). So that's one area that is looking quite good. I guess the reason that I'm not feeling as good about it as I should is because I don't really believe that I'll do it at the moment.

The image that I've had in my head of how my social life would be is like something out of a Richard Curtis film (Four Weddings, Bridget Jones' Diary) lots of fascinating friends who would do absolutely anything for me and I'm the centre of the world (Hugh grant, Bridget). We'd go to trendy wine bars and they'd be at the other end of the phone whenever I needed them. In reality, since I've returned from London to my small town (all my friends have moved away) and the only social circle I have is my fiancee's family. I've taken on the role of Social Coordinator for a local health club though and I've got a couple of football teams, a netball team, a tennis club and a golf society through that, so I'm proactively expanding my social circle and the position gives me the opportunity to put on trips and go and do things like watersports, which I've always quite fancied, but wouldn't want to do without people that I knew and trusted around me. So, that's another good thing really.

One thing that is troubling me is that I'm due to get married next year, but I don't think that things are right between us. I know that she loves me deeply and that means a lot to me and I know that I can trust her, but I'm damaged from a previous relationship and, with this one, she is so temperamental and highly strung that I think being with her has probably made my anxiety worse. I do feel stuck though because we've been engaged for two years and I really don't want to hurt her. Plus, I still don't really have a

[Daisybun]

You seem to be doing a lot to improve your life and achieve your goals, I think its good to be realistic, but its good to dream too. As the saying goes if you aim nothing you'll hit nothing! I know it's gonna be hard but it is important that you talk to your finacee, it's not fair on her or you, if you are feeling this way and you have to have honesty. If you can't see it lasting into the future then better to sort it now before you go too far down the road and it gets even harder and the hurt even greater. Thinking of you and good luck

Take care
Daisybun

'This too will pass'