Need cheering up

[cheeky monkey]

Hi
Just had a bad nite, couldnt sleep much last night worrying about things, still havent found a job, seems like noone wants a old useless person like myself :( so money is getting real tight, Steve has not had much overtime this month so we prob only have enough money to pay the mortgage, so worrying alot now.
Plus the anniversary of dads passing is coming up its the 25th, I wonted so much to be reunited with my sister for that day but we cant find her. again everyone moves away to get away from me. Yes I have Lea and she is fantastic and a good support she is also very lucky that she has her family. But there are times when I just want a sisterly hug and chat, does anyone understand? especially this time of year.
It just seems like when ever I have a good day, something comes along and spoils it. So I now feel like I will never truely be happy,
Im 44years old and I have wasted my life pushed everyone away, only loved and liked by one person, got nothing going for me. Hated so much that family have to move away and not tell me, even my mother did that, so please dont tell me that im not hated.
Cant see the point anymore to life if family want me off this earth.
Sorry for posting just feel bad.
Susie Real unhappy and sad

[joolsukuk]

oh hun
im so sorry you feel so low and your not hated by everyone you have your husband, and all us here, i know what youmean about money.i wish i could help more really i do, pm me if you need to hun xxxxx

jools xx

[Daisybun]

It's awful when you have a bad day. There's so much going on right now, fear about the money situation, anniversary etc. that you are not able to see beyond those things. Your husband is there with you, you say Lea is a support. Try and be positive about those two things, I know its so hard when you're depressed to see anything positive but it the way to move forward. You will be happy again, this is a phase and it will pass hun. a couple of days ago i felt similar but the last three days have been better. Just hang in there.

Take care
Daisybun

'This too will pass'

[chedda]

hia susie think weve all been there and felt that way at some time:(.And i know how awfull it is to feel so down and low but its a hard time for you at the moment and thats understandable.Give yourself time to accept your going to feel this way because of whats happening at the moment with the anniversary ect.Give yourself a few days ,cry, scream anything to let some pressure out and then look at what you do have and the people that are there for you for love and support.You cant be that bad a person cos otherwise they wouldnt be there for you in a few days look back on this post and im sure you will be feeling a bit better then than what you are now...
take care cheryl xx
ps ...hey 44 is not old ...lol

[cheeky monkey]

Hi thanks for all your replies,
Sadly my husband is not there for me anymore we dont seem to get on anymore and because of the finanical side Im stuck with him. The only person I have is Lea and sometimes it's not fair to put all my probs on to her.

The bad days are more than the good ones.
Ive written to pippa at her old address just incase they know where she is even asked on here if theres anyone who lives in peterborough who could help but there isnt and im running out of ideas, I just need answers from her as to why she told me to kill myself so I can move on, cos hearing that from your sister is hard to take without knowing why. I would give anything just to have 1min of her time, but she doesnt think im worth that.
Sadly Chedda the way I let out pressure is by harming myself and in recent weeks Ive done plenty of that, and now have to hide scars when I go for any interviews, maybe thats why I cant get a job.
In the past I have had eating disorders and my voices are telling me to go back to them now.
Thank you everyone you all do cheer me up even if its for a few hours.
wish there was ppl in chat in the early hours
susie

[panicannie]

hi cheeky monkey!! sorry to hear you feeling like c**p! but just try to keep in mind that there are others of us maybe not all going thru the same things but with our own demons aswell! It's really S**t isn't it? I was pacing the house early hours this morning as I just couldn't relax I was all ate up and anxious, panicky and just basically fed up with life in general. Sometimes I wish that I could have a good cry but I can't even do that! I feel i'm here as a person but this illness is running my life for me. I hope you get better days soon, and remember if ever you wanna chat where all here for you! tc xx

joanne

[Keitharcher]

sus

What can i say, your having a bad spell, it will pass positivity thats the key, you will get through this phase and it will be allright. If you want i can command it for you, there its done now the rest is is good for you as long as you let it be. It will soon be acase of looking out of he window and see the sun shining again

Keith

[cheeky monkey]

:(:(:(:( soz just how I feel, the last few nights I have not had much sleep and when I do I dream about my sister. I have just spent several hours on the internet trying to find someway of tracing her, but everytime I found something when I submitted all the details the page crashed, see Im that bad that even the computor wont let me find her. I managed to find a Whittlesey peterbourgh website and have emailed them to see if they can help. Dont know how I will cope if she is not with me on the anniversay, I find I am lying to people when they ask how I am, and i say im ok. but deep down Im not. when I go to bed and no one is around I sit here and cry. Me and pippa were doing so well, dont know why it went wrong.
In the past few weeks things have happened to me but when the good things happen which is not often the last time was when I had my article published there was only Lea I could tell, and with the swimming theres no one to tell.
I feel that I cant go on with my life with out answers or to rebuild our relationship, christ not even murders are treated bad by family. so that makes me one evil person not to be given another go. Sometimes I wish that I would not wake up, cos everyday hurts too much, feel like crying now cos I unhappy. This is a small island but to me it is huge cos I cant find my sis. Right now I want my dad so much perhaps thats why they wont talk to me cos dad died cos of me, if I hadnt married he would still be here. :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
fathers day is coming up, again he should be here anyone got any sleeping pills to get me through that day.
soz
susie

[leo05]

hi hun
i know that you are finding things hard right now and i want you to find her to honest i do as i see every day how bad it is hurting you i know farthers day is coming up and im sorry bout your dad but trust me it was NOT your fault honest i think like that bout my mum so i do understand you and i am always here for you when ever you want to chat ok and dont be sorry for how your feeling too
but i know that we will keep trying and we wont give up
i know you find it hard to express your feelings to me and say your ok but i do know that your not and i dont want you to hide your feelings ok
and i know that you are worrying bout other probs to for example job money etc
i am here 100% for you night and day and i know you dont belive in god soz dog but there is a place and your dad is up there safe and is looking over you always.

love ya always lea xx xx xx xx [8D][:X]