why cant i just stop

[kiss25]

i am so so so sick of all this. i just want it to stop . i guess i should start my medication i just cant bring myself to i'm too scared of side effects and im still too scared that i have a tumour and the medsd will make the tumor worse or something . i feel like crying all the time i cant stop thinking in the shower... bed.. driving .. even watching tv .. i just want it all to end . i want a scan . why wont the doc just give me one ? maybe i do have one he looked behind my eyes made me do all sorts of tests so im sure if he thought i had one at all he would give me one .. did i ever mention that my dads sister and brother died of a tumour? maybe thats why i think about it so much. i wasnt born when they died but my dad used to always stress when we we little if we ever got a headache or anything maybe its from that . i jsut wanna feel normal just like im sure most of you do. i cant take it anymore . i need the medication.. i know i do i cant control this by myself .. why is it all so hard??
thanks for listening i just needed to get some things off my chest
i will go back and read this after i post it and probably think to myself god this person is crazy
but thatnks for listening
any advice would be great

[Miss Pink]

Hi Kiss,

You don't sound mad! [:O] You're just anxious. I've been the same - when all the "what if" thoughts consume your entire day - driving, in the shower etc - it does get too much sometimes, especially when you're by yourself.

Don't worry about the tumour. I had the same fear a year ago - was absolutely convinced I had one, but I'm still here ! Ended up going private for all kinds of tests, but they didn't really do any more than my actual Doctor ! A little thing that may comfort you is the fact that a Doctor can spot a neurological condition (like a tumour, or other damage to the brain) by looking into your eyes - eyes do not react like they should to light or movement if there is something wrong with part of the brain, and by looking at the back of your eyes, your Doctor would be looking for signs of pressure, which can also indicate a problem with the brain. (This is why in Hospital drama's when somebody has had an injury to the head or is unconscious, they shine a penlight into their eyes to see how they react)

I hope this helps - I'm sorry to hear your family history about your Uncle and Aunty, but remember, your Doctor would be able to spot something if it was serious.

Hope this gives you some comfort, hope you feel better soon

Rachael xxxxx

PS I don't take meds myself for the worry of side effects, but a lot of people find they work well. Maybe see your Doctor again and discuss this with him, or give yourself some time (like 2 weeks or something) where you try herbal rememdies, relaxation CD's etc and see if you can feel better that way. Everyone's different, so do what feels best for you x

[mind contorted]

I know the feeling as i'm sure most of us do.

I can't even watch any medical show or anything with people falling ill without thinking i might have what they have. I know that's not strictly your problem but it's just as irrational i guess.

After reading about tumours i convinced myself i had one and near begged my mother to get the doctor to give me some tests. Then about half a year later i had a full medical(unrelated to my plea i must add) and everything came back fine.

Obviously you're probably going to be thinking "but i'm different" but if your doctor thinks you're fine then i'm certain you are.

[whatisitnow]

See if your doc might just give you a couple of diazapam pills, try one, and you will be amazed at the tension & worry lifting, yes it gives you a false sense of welbeing and nothing to worry about, but when i took one a month ago, it stopped me stressing which in turn got rid of the symptom i had been crying about for 3 weeks and ive been fine since! Except for the chest pains now, but thats a new one and another story.
Good luck
Caz xxx

Pete to win Big Brother! He is Daddy Fantastic with pants made of elastic!

[Ma Larkin]

I started taking meds 3 months ago and I also take diazepam which has been my lifeline. I've kinda weaned down the diazepam since the meds, only take them when I really need to. I feel tons better & I was one person just like you that was scared of side effects. I felt a bit muzzy for the first few weeks but am anxious free most of the time now.

Please give them a go.

Les, xx

[polly daydream]

Hi Kiss, I started meds this week and so far touch wood the side effects havn't been to bad, go on be brave and give them a go, we are all a little frightened at first but sometimes we all need a little help. I'm sure your brain is fine hun.

Best wishes

Polly

[whatisitnow]

Ma Larkin
Just wondered if you only take the Diazapam when you get an anxiety attack? I was prescribed them 2 yrs ago for bad pmt, and only took one a day for 5 days before my period, and not the rest of the month (because of the addictiveness of them the doc said, only takes about 20 days to get hooked) But i only needed them a couple of months so didnt go back for more. I had one pill left in the cupboard for nearly 2 yrs & took it last month out of sheer desperation & i felt totally brilliant! The troublesome symptom went & it totally got me back on track! Havent been to the docs yet but need to to ask him if he would give me some more, for emergencies not long term usage. Thats why i wondered when you take them?
Caz xxxx

Pete to win Big Brother! He is Daddy Fantastic with pants made of elastic!

[kiss25]

thanks heaps nigal that all makes so much sense and now everytime i am at my worst point in thinking i will be sure to come back and read what has been written . i love the quote you have made and it all seems so clear now i will just tell my brain to believe it aswell
its time for a change so wish me luck

i wish all of you the best of luck at beating this and i hope ill be able to be of someihelp in giving al of you some advice as well

[kiss25]

thanks you to .. i hope we can all beat this.
this site is great. its great to have other ppl who know just how you are feeling and have the same thing iit is conforting
i wouldnt be able to do it withouts yas [^]

[jackie]

your not crazy an dnot alone, we would all love to stop the fear

have you ever considered herbal or homeopathic remedies instead of pills as i too have a fear of meds and am going to try thisd avenue

i know what your going through every minute of every day

jackie