Hi guys, I've had GAD for 8 months. My anxiety resulted from the stress I experienced during my final year at Uni. At the moment I'm fixating on my relationship. I can't cope with this because my bf is the most wonderful thing in my life. I'm so scared of losing him, I'm scared of driving him away, I'm scared of convincing myself we won't last. (Now I'd just like to make it clear that I have a GOOD & HAPPY relationship my bf. In my rational moments I know that I love him, that I want to be with him, that he makes me happy, that we're compatible & he's everything I've ever wanted.) But my anxiety distorts my thoughts over us & I hate it. It's so powerful it could ruin the best thing I've got going. It makes me worry so much about us, whether we're meant to be etc.

My bf knows about my anxiety disorder & knows it's not because of him, & that it's not my fault I think the things I do. He's so understanding, he's stuck by me through it all. He's an angel & I know that not many men would stand by me the way he has.

I feel helpless against the rushing, negative thoughts in my head & I cry because I fear I could lose him & spend the rest of my life like this. It gets so bad sometimes I doubt my own feelings for him. I just can't stop the "what if?" questions in my head. My anxiety has reached such a level that I don't feel myself anymore & I don't know what to think or feel. I don't know what the truth is anymore, it's completely taken over :-(

Ever since my break-up with my ex I've been insecure. I lost all belief in 'forever' & kept waiting for my current bf to leave me. My biggest worry is "how do I know my bf's the one?" I want him to be, but in my previous (& first) proper relationship I thought I'd found Mr Right & thought I was going to be with him forever. After 3 years he dumped me for a female friend. I'm over him now, but the pain of the rejection will never go. Looking back I can see I was living in a fairy-tale world where you never get your heart broken. I also know me & my current bf are much more suited. But because I'd so convinced myself my ex was the one, I'm now finding it hard to ever be able to believe that again. Does that make sense? Even though I feel like this time I've found my soulmate, I still doubt the future. It's pointless really because no one knows what will happen in the future, but my thinking has been distorted so much that I'm questioning EVERYTHING, including why I'm even having these thoughts!! My anxiety is like an evil voice in my head saying "Oh, there MUST be something wrong with your relationship, why would you be worrying about it otherwise!!??"

It's so bad it has the potential to ruin our relationship. I'm so confused I feel like I want to withdraw from the world & these fears. I want them to go away. My heart's message of love for my bf is being ****led by the chaos in my head.

My bf says he loves me even if I do have anxiety. But I can't cope with it anymore. I feel helpless. I want it to stop. I want it to go away. I feel like I'm going crazy. I just don't know how to get through 'now' & get over this :-(

Please can someone reassure me? Has anyone ever had an anxiety disorder affect their relationship?? How did you deal with it? Are there any anti-anxiety methods you've tried that work well?? (I would prefer not to go on meds.) Please help, I just want to be normal & happy, & be able to live my life :-(

xxx Rosebud xxx