I'm 16, Pure O or Am I really a pedophile?

[uk23]

As I am 16, is it possible for me to get therapy without my parents knowing? Also is this kind of thing covered by the NHS or is it done privately?
Thanks.

As your are 16 you have the right to obtain therapy, your parents will need to know but they have absolutely no right to know what you talk about, your diagnosis or read your notes. It's totally up to you whether you tell them any details or not.

Due to the sensitive nature you also don't have to tell your GP the details or specifics, all you need to tell them is that you have intrusive thoughts revolving around causing harm and that you would like help. You don't even have to tell them that, it's up to you what you tell your GP but you will have to tell him/her something in order to get a referral.

[tiredOfOcd]

This is all very reassuring, thank you very much.

Not sure I could ever admit to my parents something like this.

I'm a father. My son could come to me with any problem and I'd work myself to death trying to help him.

Your parents are very likely the same.

[uk23]

I'm a father. My son could come to me with any problem and I'd work myself to death trying to help him.

Your parents are very likely the same.

Unfortunately most fathers are not the same and have no understanding of mental health problems. Your son is one lucky guy.

[tiredOfOcd]

Unfortunately most fathers are not the same and have no understanding of mental health problems.

True. If Aboy has some concrete reason for not telling his parents (like they firmly believe all that's necessary to cure him is a good beating) then that's one thing.

However if Aboy is hesitant to tell them out of embarrassment then he needs to let them know. Maybe not all the details, but that he's been depressed and wants to talk to someone.

[Haruka]

I can relate to you completely. I am a 15 year old girl, but I do this exact thing all the time. It disgusts me, and I just... ugh. I have times where I don't have any problems with these thoughts, and they happen and I just ignore them and realize they are just disturbing thoughts, everyone has them, and I don't need to dwell on them because I know I am not attracted to whoever the thought was about. But then I have the moments where I get all anxious, and I begin to worry that I am thinking these disturbing thoughts because I am attracted to young kids or whatever.

I have found that what helps me the most, is whenever I get a thought like that, telling myself not to over think it. I tell myself it's just a thought, and then I think about what I find attractive in men. It helps me realize that I don't think those disturbing thoughts because I enjoy them, they are just those thoughts that pass and I dwell on them.... if that makes any sense. Mainly, I realize that I am attracted to older guys, so my thoughts are just intrusive, OCD thoughts.

I really don't think you are a pedophile, because a pedophile wouldn't be disgusted by those thoughts. The fact that you are here, worried that you are a pedophile and showing you are obviously disturbed by these thoughts, shows that you aren't one. I wouldn't worry too much

[Carina]

I think the fact that you're disturbed and horrified by these thoughts instead of feeling a sense of amusement or enjoyment is a pretty big indicator that you're not a pedophile. Sometimes people in our situations (anxiety, OCD and many other mental health issues), well it just seems like our minds turn on us and try to scare us with things we find awful or terrifying (I'm getting married soon and I'm obsessed with the fear of getting divorced because I don't think I could ever cope with that scenario). That's why therapy and learning good coping mechanisms for these intrusive thoughts is probably the best thing you can do right now.

[JohnnyM]

My dear, do tell your parents about it. You never know, they might have an idea about it. The way our parents know us, we as kids can never understand. Now that i am a parent, i know. They will hug you and tell you that its all okay. When disturbing things go in our environment, our minds take the impression of it. So waht! You can deal with it. Tell your parents so that you as a family deal with this matter and you will be glad to have their support.

[skylace22]

I did a bit of research on this when my sister (a few years ago) was convinced that she was a paedophile - I suspected OCD (Ive read a fair few psychology books) - she would constantly ask for reassurance from me which was pretty draining but at the same time, I wanted to help. It got to the stage one night where she was staying with me and she became so distressed that she said she wishes she was dead which alarmed me because she has NEVER said anything like that before - so we went to hospital, saw a doc and my sister was referred for CBT. Aswell as the whole fear of being a paedophile she had a handwashing ritual which got a bit out of hand - although she still washes her hands a lot when stressed it is generally under control.

When my sisters fears were at their worse she would avoid spending time with our niece which is probably the worst thing to do. I tried again and again explaining to her that paedophiles don't sit and worry about their thoughts, they don't avoid children but rather target them for example working in places like school etc. She always had the "what ifs" and I knew that I couldn't help her and luckily the CBT that she received DID help and she now has 2 sons. There is hope - and from the research that I did there are a LOT of people with the same fear. Maybe because paedophiles are (rightly) seen as vile, disgusting people, people fear that they are one because it is one of the worst things to be - along with murderers, rapists etc.

I hope I have made sense - seeing my sister go through turmoil when she had the same fear as you was horrible - it had such a huge impact on her life and she was 26 at the time. You are so young and I would advice that you get some professional help for this before the problem intensifies - from everything you typed it points strongly towards OCD - I would lay my life on the fact that you are NOT a paedophile - if you were, you wouldnt be coming here for advice

Take care

[mayworry]

Hi, I'm a 21 year old girl and I have NEVER had these kinds of thoughts before a year ago. I think my anxiety started after I had my son and I'm not sure if I have PND or not but in the past 5 months I have been on a meri-go-round of thinking I'm a sick person....then I'm okay for a few weeks...then I'm back to crying everyday and recently I have been trying to 'test' myself with thoughts of children to see what emotional response I got. At the start I think it was more shock/ worry/ anxiety whenever I thought of something like that, then as it became more and more of a neccessity to CONSTANTLY and I mean, all the time, test myself, it became harder and harder to discern what the hell I was feeling. Sometimes I even make myself have 'feelings' (like girls do...downstairs) then accidentally, or even on purpose test myself and see if these feelings go away and sickness replaces it when I think about something distgusting to do with children. If it does go away and I get a horrible sinking feeling that feels like anxiety or panic in my stomach I think "okay I should have proven it to myself now" then after 1 minute I'll be doing it again an this time if the 'lady feeling' doesn't go away straight away I think that I must be a pedophile then I will set there for an hour literally crying with worry that I'm this horrible monster while trying to tell myself that I'm not. I would literally rather murder someone than be one of those horrible people. I have a nearly 2 year old son and this really isn't fair on him because I am not myself at all, I don't want to play or even cuddle him anymore because I feel so down and distgusting.

Sorry for the rant, but I just wanted to tell you that it's not just you. I don't even know what I've got, I don't know if it's intrusive thoughts because I 'make' myself think of them sometimes to test myself then other times when I'm out in public and I see children I just want to run away because things pop into my head to try and see if I do like them or not. I am in a state of constant worry and sickness and would very very much like to believe with my whole heart that I'm not one of those evil people as I keep telling myself I'm not and so does everyone around me, but it doesn't do a bit of difference to convince me. I'm going to the doctors in 30 mins and I don't feel I can tell him exactly what I'm thinking as I'm nearly a fully graduated primary teacher, therefore if this went down on my record I might not be considered for a job, so I'm going to tell him how I feel, how I think all of this came about and the factors that are coming into it, such as 'not being able to get worries/ sick thoughts out of my head or I keep testing myself to see if I'm a horrible person'.

[Anxious_gal]

If you were a pedo you would be attracted to kids once you were able to feel attraction, except that as you got older you still only found the young kids attractive and not people in your age group.

The thoughts are unwanted and disgust you, where as a pedo would enjoy them and willing think about them and seek out videos and images to sastify himself,

The testing is a classic sign of pure O. It's like when your standing on a bridge and you get the urge to jump off, you might test yourself by standing closer to the edge.

Don't freak out, you can look at kids and find them pretty, or think they'll be very beautiful when they grow up. That's normal and there's no sexual stuff attached to that.