Yet another attack.. *Twitches*

[Shadowwin]

This one was one of those comes out of no where and blind sides you types and for the life of me I can't figure out what caused it.. I was sitting here browsing some profiles on myspace.. when suddenly I felt so disorientated and scared that I just started to shake..

Of course then the stomach went.. and with it more disorientation and a horrible sense of everything just being wrong.. now I'm sitting here everything looking one dimensional again.. feeling like I am going to fade away or even worse die.. my bf who is an absolutely supportive sweetheart is trying to help.. and one of these days I'll figure out why I push real people away when I panic and opt for posting here or writing in my blog to calm down.. it's like inside I want his help but at the same time I want to do it on my own.. maybe it's the thoughts that there is no "Safe person" that keeps me from reaching out to him.. in case he's at work or out somewhere when I have an attack.. that way I'm not shaking and twisting till he comes home to calm me down..

I really wish I could figure out what caused it.. I was perfectly fine enjoying my morning happy as could be.. now I feel like I'm exhausted.. my head feels all spacey and well it seems my sinuses are acting up as well.. but I hate when this happens *Grumbles* it always seems to take away my happy good days.. =( and leave me in a huddled mess not wanting to do anything for the rest of the day.

Granted I have been stressed out.. but I don't remember thinking about anything before this happened.. not this time at least.. in fact I dare say my mind was clear of all "bad thoughts".. *Taps her fingers lightly* i'm breathing correctly.. even though my nose is plugged.. and I only had a half cup of coffee.. things have been a little tense I've been looking for a job.. had errands to do the past two days.. so I haven't just taken a day to relax.. supposed to go out again today for a job interview at 1pm .. maybe that's it I'm pushing myself.. or maybe it's the fact I feel like my Mother is treating me like a incompetent child.. always going with me when I drive my boyfriend to work on the weekend.. granted I don't like to drive alone.. but still how am I ever going to get a handle on it if I don't do it.. He understands that..in fact when we go out together he always tells me how well I'm doing with my driving.. and pays me little compliments along the way which makes me comfortable.. when I drive with my mother she's always pushing on the invisible "air" break.. or making the "omg we are going to hit something noises" telling me how to drive.. which streets to take I've driven in the city I live in for 16 years.. I think I know my way by now.. Then there's the fact SHE has anxiety attacks.. but refuses to admit to it.. she keeps acting like no no that's not me.. but everytime I look at her I see the signs and symptoms.. she tries to pretend she's okay but I know better.. and now today she insists on driving me to my interview because she's afraid we won't be back in time for her to take my step father to work.. My interview is at 1... he doesn't leave till 2:30.. I think that's plenty of time to do what I need to do and get back here... *grumbles* I can't wait till my bf and I get on out feet so we can get out of here.. I mean it's a comfortable place.. it's for the most part relaxing till she has one of her attacks and since she won't do anything about them everyone has to suffer.. she's a chronic worrier.. she is highly negative.. and I swear if she got anymore paranoid *Cringes* I'd need to check her in for an evaluation.. did I mention obsessive/compulsive.. her poor Cat.. and she wonders why the thing is a nervous wreck.. she treats him like if he breathes wrong he'll die.. funny kinda reminds me of how she treated ME when I was a child.. hell this was the woman that slept in my room till I was 10 afraid I would die in my sleep.. who wouldn't let me have popcorn because I may choke.. I couldn't eat and apple without it being cut up for the same reason.. She drove my bf and I downtown yesterday and

[Louisey]

Hi Trina,

Panic attacks out of the blue are horrible. I think it's our mind and body testing us - the panic routine is something it got used to and so everyone now and then it gives it a try. I don't know anyone who hasn't had some sort of unexpected attack after recovering, the trick is not to look at is a sign of weakness - it's just the brain flexing itself.

I think anxiety is a little bit nature, little bit nuture. From what you wrote about your Mum, you've done the opposite to her and dealt really well with anxiety in your adult life. If she has basically stuck to a routine most of her life she may have never been in a position to feel tested, and therefore limited, by her anxiety. Thus why she may act dismissive of the very good advice you try to give her. The important thing is YOU know her fears and anxieties are not logical - you haven't inherited the idea that sleeping in the room of a child till they are 10 in case they have SIDS is necessary.

Take care,

Louisey x