How do you deal with Social Anxiety? Where to start?

[white43]

If it's my biggest achilles heal, it's damn social anxiety.

I am so rubbish at meeting new people. Bad in large groups, totally clam up in meetings, don't know what to say and typically think of the witty and funny comment several minutes or hours later. I can't smalltalk, I can't relate!

I've avoided 3 social occassions at work now lately.

I come across as cold, distant - but it's because I'm so terribly shy. Later, when I finally get to know a few people, it's always "You're actually alright! We thought you were up yourself!".

I haven't had a proper girlfriend in years as a result and it's so damned lonely. All my friends are partnered off now and I see so very few people.

Where the hell to even start fixing this?

[fozzy is crying]

If it's my biggest achilles heal, it's damn social anxiety.

I am so rubbish at meeting new people. Bad in large groups, totally clam up in meetings, don't know what to say and typically think of the witty and funny comment several minutes or hours later. I can't smalltalk, I can't relate!

I've avoided 3 social occassions at work now lately.

I come across as cold, distant - but it's because I'm so terribly shy. Later, when I finally get to know a few people, it's always "You're actually alright! We thought you were up yourself!".

I haven't had a proper girlfriend in years as a result and it's so damned lonely. All my friends are partnered off now and I see so very few people.

Where the hell to even start fixing this?

I reall y wish I had the answer to this I have suffered it all my life and now it is a very major problem for me. So major to the point I can not ever see me breaking out of my current state.

Gordon

[Edie]

You sound a lot like me. I am very shy and people have often wrongly thought I am up myself. Something that's helped me is to at least try to smile at people and say hello. I've found that doing this has really helped to make me come across more as someone who wants to be friends. People read a lot into first impressions, and are much more forgiving of later mistakes after a good first impression.

You're clearly a likable person, which people discover once they get to know you.

[Jo_anna]

Can totally relate to this - I think people must think I am stuck up and a freak because of the way I act socially.

I agree with Edie, I think smiling and saying hello to people is a great step you can take. This then shows them you are 'trying to be friendly' (or rather not socially freak out).

I have the problem with this that I don't feel like I can start smiling and saying hi to people I've avoided before because I'm afraid this will make me seem like even more of a weirdo or someone who just wants something.

I recommend trying it though, I guess it's better to say hello, and them to think you're strange than to have limited social contact and for them to still think you're strange :P

Though I am sure they won't think this about you! It is just me that thinks this about myself haha.

[BobbyDog]

Even though it would be a really big step, you will have to move out of your comfort zone if you are to make friends and meet people socially. The first step would be to accept the next invitation you get from work to attend a night out. It will not be easy and will probably make you anxious, but the more you do it the easier it will get and you will at last have a life.

I have social anxiety and it is pretty bad, but I am moving in the right direction and have started meeting friends and will continue, one day in the not too distant future I will do it with ease.

No pain no gain!

[tisa]

I too suffer with Social Anxiety. I don't completely avoid social events but I often don't enjoy them. I feel very self-conscious around groups of people and I worry that people can tell by my face how uncomfortable I am - this I find very embarrassing. I try to keep what I say to a minimum and what I do say I tend to analyse afterwards and worry I said the wrong thing. I often focus on those who are very confident with great envy!
It really is awful, I've lost jobs and friends in the past because of it.
I printed off a Self-help guide recently which some of you may find helpful - it's : - Moodjuice Self-help Guide - Shyness & Social Anxiety.