Hi
A member's post prompted so much feeling about her mother-in-law's death.
I lost my dad nine months ago and I worshipped him. He was caring, supportive and knew what to say at bad times. I was with him when he died and they turned off the life support. I went in daily to feed him and care for him.
Our young son (who is ten) calls his dad stupid, idiot etc and I said bluntly you only get one dad. He then said a couple of his friends had three different dads!
To me personally, they broke the mould when they made my hubby. We have been together 21 yrs and married for 20.
After the funeral he asked when my mum (who I do not like at best, beat me/emotionally abused me when young) was going to get another husband! Oh to be ten years old again with no deep worries and the world is just full of fun.
I loved my Dad so much. I was adopted, he protected me and I feel empty without his presence. I have two sisters (who are blood related (not to me obviously)) and they look and relate to things that I do not know nor understand. My "biological parents were Irish" and personally I hate my biological mother for giving me away. I see the positive ie if my "adoptive parents" had not chosen me then my life would be far different than it is right now.
My sister ran away at 15 because she thought she would be next for a beating but I did not understand that at 10 (why would I??).
If I were to win the lottery, I would give it to "whoever" to have my dad back. He knew me far better than anyone else. Some bad times of the day I feel like joining him, it would be a relief. However, my hubby and kids need me. If they were not here I would be with my dad - without a doubt.
Anyway, I think I am talking c*** but I need to vent to other NMP members how I feel.
I feel really sad, hopeless, useless etc and want the antidepressants to "kick in". Continual PA's to stop and then perhaps I will stop feeling unreal/trembling etc.
If others read my post then hugs are OK, words are better. Perhaps today is a real "down" day. I just do not know.
Anyway -
Take care of yourself and each other.
Fran XXX