How has GAD, Depression, OCD etc affected your work life

[purplepie]

Hi All

After 2 and half years of not working from being too anxious to spend any length of time in a working environment because of feeling out of it, panic, over anxious, unsteady, ready to pass out, tense etc etc, I am starting a 15 hour cleaning job tomorrow and I am really nervous. It sounds ridiculous to sound nervous about hoovering and mopping for 2 - 3 hours but it is a big step for me. I am on meds which don't totally control how I feel. Prior to not working I spent 10 years in a busy office whilst still suffereing from these feelings and I honestly don't know how I did it.

Looking back over those 10 years, I had times where I just couldn't face work and had days off, now I know it was depression, at the time I thought it was just because I couldn't be bothered. I was anxious but really didn't think I was depressed, now I know that they are two sides of the same coin.

I would love to know how your illness has affected your work, have any of you managed to keep going through it all?

I am looking for some moral support for tomorrow

[Aaron_southcoast]

Hey Purple,

After a massive panic attack at work and the subsequent daily anxiety ive been signed off from work for the past 12 weeks or so. I work in a busy, technical job but whilst ive been on sick leave the company have have a big internal restructure and my department was disbanded so now ive got the added pressure of being in the "job pool" and going through the weekly job emails but I dont know whether to apply for anything as im certainly not well to return to work straightaway.

Ive been with the company since 2001 so perhaps I should look around in the big, bad world for something completely different perhaps?

As for you going back to work tomorrow,good on you I bet it will actually do you good. Perhaps take each hour at a time and then congratulate yourself.

Aaron x

[Harley]

Throughout the whole time I suffered from severe anxiety I worked. I had quite a few different jobs but in the end I found one that I actually looked forward to going to. Some days were very hard. I suffered from constant intrusive thoughts, and I could do a nine hour shift with the constant chit chat in my head. I would get in the car to go home and scream at the top of my voice to let all my frustration out. And then I would cry all the way home. Originally I kept it all to myself, but in the end I told them and they were so understanding. If I was having a particularly hard day they would put me with someone to work alongside. I did have to have some time off when things got too much, but they were always very understanding. I am glad that I explained to them in the end how I was feeling. What also helped me was that once I had spoken out, how many others talked to me telling me that they had been through something similar. And when I was feeling bad a hug from a colleague was so comforting.
I dont know what I would have done if I had not had a job. I needed something to make me get out of bed and do something. I actually used to hate the days that I did not have to go into work because so often, as hard as it was to get there, once I had done my shift I would fine that I actually felt better.
I eventually left and went on to start my own business, but I still keep in touch with some of the friends I made. Good luck tomorrow, I am sure you will be fine.

[purplepie]

Thanks for your responses, it is so interesting to hear other peoples views.
I feel for you A Southcoast, it is hard to change job/career when you have anxiety to deal with as well. I was made redundant at the end of 2009 as a result of an office relocation and I did get a another job straight away but after about a week I couldn't do it any more as I was just living a lie that I was ok. Good luck to you in finding a new role or I hope something comes up for you in your job pool if that's what you want. Purplepie x

[Aaron_southcoast]

I know, it seems like one thing after another.

My HR rep is coming round to my house again next week, he told me the company isnt making anyone redundant but I dont want to be given a job I dont want to do as im signed off still.

[Tufty]

Good Luck Purplepie,

The first few days in a new job can be very anxiety provoking for anyone so try to take care of yourself in the coming weeks - lots of rest, rewards and good food!

I'm a nurse and worked on acute wards for many years until suffering a breakdown in 2003 and did not work again until 2006. Luckily I retained my registration and had supportive workmates who encouraged me to return to nursing on an ad hoc basis. I now work 24 hours a week and have had several promotions since 2006, I still suffer with anxiety but have kept working. This year has been particularly tough and I've had 3 months off, though I'm back now I'm not 100% but for me work helps. Fortunately I have a very understanding boss and although I manage to go in everyday I do short hours if I'm feeling unwell as the anxiety is so draining.

I don't believe working makes my anxiety any worse or any better, if I feel anxious I will whatever. So working helps as a distraction and makes me feel better about myself (the money's quite handy too). Take it day by day, hour by hour and hopefully you'll make new friends, your confidence will increase and this will be the start of a new chapter in your life
Let us know how is goes today
Take Care
Sam

[purplepie]

Day 1 My first day on the job was ok, I was just shown the ropes. I did get a bit flustered when hoovering as I seem to get very hot very quick, when I got home I did quite a lot, had my niece for lunch as well as my step son. Then I I was out for a couple of hours at the cinema, all in all it was a good day. I felt quite positive.

Day 2 - Felt ok for the first half hour, then on hoovering I went really weird and felt I was going to pass out, I felt shaky and sick and not right at all. I am not sure if this was anxiety/panic or a side effect of the clomipramine I am on as it can give your dizziness/feeling weird on getting up quickly, which I was doing a lot of with the hoover. I managed to keep as calm as I could and did my other chores. I got home and felt really cold until after lunch when I went really flushed. I know the tablets can cause flushing but the cold thing always seems to happen when I am feeling on edge. I had eaten before work and slept ok. The afternoon went well but I couldn't get the feeling of not being right in work out of my head. I have just cried my eyes out in frustration as my thoughts whent down hill and I keep thinking what is the point in all this if I can't even feel right for a couple of hours. It has sent my mood plummeting and I know I am blowing things out of proportion but after years of suffering any set back feels tremendous!
I so wish I was a little more tough skinned and mentally strong.
I am only on 35mg of the clomipramine because of the side effects, I don't know if to try to go up while I settle into some type of work routine. I am waiting on a psychiatric appointment regarding my meds. I hate taking meds and being like this!

[Madgirl12]

My previous but one job I had really bad anxiety in. I think this was mostly due to the fact that I was a contractor who never knew when she might be laid off, and also in part because I spent days trying to appear busy in the hope that they wouldn't notice I didn't have enough work to keep me going. There were many times when my boss went to the bigger bosses to plead with them to keep me on, and so I felt i was often hanging off a precipice, unsure if I might be working soon. This went on for a good couple of years, and I was often in pain at my desk due to the stress - I'd get terrible neckpains. I was once prescribed valium and I took one and it made me feel even worse, I felt all buzzy and out of it, and like I might burst into tears. I never touched them again. In the end I was made redundant, which was awful but in some ways it was a relief after all the time spent worrying. I was out of work for 5 months before I managed to get something new. I could have became very depressed but I managed to keep a clear head and not go crazy.

Now, I'm in a permanent job but I still get anxious, usually when I first go in in the mornings. I always worry that I'll be asked to do something I can't do, or I'll mess something up. On top of that there's other stuff going on in my head constantly which makes it worse. Somehow I manage to get through but I always worry that one day I'm going to blow it.

Anyway, I digress, best of luck for your first day! Take it slowly, keep breathing and you will get there,

[Harley]

Purplepie you are much too hard on yourself. Despite how awful you were feeling, you went to work and stayed and got on with the job. You should give yourself a pat on the back for achieving that. You are stronger than you think. I know how hard it is to go to work and carry out a job when you are feeling so bad. I too used to cry in utter frustration. If you enjoy the job then stick at it, it will get easier. I used to get good days and bad days. The bad days are so hard to deal with when you have been having good ones. Are you having any sort of therapy to help you with your depression and anxiety? I used to suffer very badly from intrusive thoughts and after trying different drugs, I was put on clomipramine, but I had to take the maximum dosage for them to help with the thoughts. Out of all the drugs I tried they gave me the least side effects, I think I only suffered from a dry mouth. Taking these combined with therapy I went on to make a full recovery. I am sure that sticking at my job, as hard as it was some days to get there, helped me. Sometimes sitting at home with your anxiety just makes us worse as it is so easy to let our imagine run away with us. Good luck, and well done.

[Angelica]

I'm glad you have made that step of going back to work, I have been out of work for 3 years and still trying to make that step of going back but my anxiety is stopping me. Lately my anxiety levels have been pretty bad and I dont feel so good, with dizzeness, shakes, nervousness, nausea etc....... there have been a few things happening in my life with my brother been diagnosed with prostate cancer which Im sure he will be ok as its in its early stages, but from that I have developed health anxiety and social anxiety even though I have suffered with this condition for 20yrs. So good on you for taking that step I think the most important thing is we have to keep ourselves distracted and dont go to DR GOOGLE... Wish you all the best