I won't be participating in this forum, or any forum like it any more. You have all been very comforting to me over the past few months to the point that I recently decided to make myself known to you all. I support your need for each other and encourage you all to continue to seek peace in whatever way works best for you. We are a unique bunch aren't we [:P]
When I first found this site, I was in a state of dizzying panic. I had just diagnosed myself with a devastating illness and by chance came across this forum with people who just like me, thought they were dying. After reading several dozen posts, I calmed down and began to rationalize my fears. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
There was a time not too long ago, when I went through a period of zero health anxiety. It was in my late twenties when I gave my life to Jesus Christ. Health anxiety was what brought me to Him. I learned that He knew what I was going through and desired for me to have peace. When I made the decision to follow Him, my life was given a totally new focus. I was on fire for God and nothing would stand in my way. I no longer had time to worry about illness. Jesus said "Follow Me" and I did. He took care of the rest.
For a period of at least four years, I had no physical symptoms what-so-ever. The more my life was centered on trying to live within the will of God, the further and further away my symptoms became, until they were a memory. Jesus said,"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
He'll do that? I always though Jesus was just some manifestation of human perfection that we would all someday be compared to and judged accordingly. I was wrong.
I learned that God was not the cosmic disciplinarian that I believed Him to be. I learned that He loves me and has a plan for me. As He does each and every one of you.
I've never stopped praying for peace but what I did do was stop seeking God's counsel. My life in Christ became routine and I lost my fire. I slowly began looking again to mankind for my answers, and as always, the comfort I recieved was only temporary. The anxiety came back.
There is an enemy at work in our lives. This enemy will stop at nothing to lead us all astray and make us believe that there is no God. This enemy penetrates our minds and whispers thoughts of despair and yes, sometimes reason. This enemy wants the hearts and minds of all mankind and will often appear beautiful to us. But he is a liar and a thief. He wants to steal our happiness and replace it with indulgences. He wants to take our joy and replace it with gluttony. He wants to turn our search for God into a search for satisfaction. He takes our love and replaces it with sex. He tells us that we are the masters of our destiny and makes independence a virtue. He lies.
The enemy has been lying to us all. He's gotten back under my skin in a bad way and I pray for God's forgiveness. I have forgotten who I am. I'm a child of God, the Creator of all things. The God who gives and takes away. The God who longs to have a personal relationship with you all. The God that I have forsaken for the advice and comfort of this world. I'm going back to Him. I'm going to find my peace in Him who has the power to fix all things. I invite all of you to join me. Jesus is the answer and I have forgotten that.
Like I said, I wish peace on you all, but I would be amiss to not give anyone reading this an opportunity to join me as I start my journey over and regain my perspective on life, anxiety and health. God loves you all and has a plan for each one of you, and this is not it! Fear is not of Him. I promise. I thwarted His plan for me but I'm going to pick myself back up and return to Him as a son who's been away. He'll take me back, He promised He would.
To anyone who desires to give God a try, the first thing you must do is acknowledge that you are guilty of trying to go it alone. Ask Him fo
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