Put engagement on hold

[rosebud1984]

I did post this a while ago at the bottom of my old post, but I don't think anyone saw it, so here it is, with an update on how I'm feeling today:

Hey all, I just wanted to say that my doctor was very sympathetic & she has given me a new pill. I've got a couple more weeks left in my current packet, but then I can switch. YAY!!! Let's hope that helps.

Also, my anxiety has eased up over the past week because I told my boyfriend that I'm not ready to get engaged yet. I want it so much, but I felt that our impending engagement was putting a lot of pressure on me to get better quickly. When you're about to get engaged you tend to spend a lot of time evaluating your relationship. However, over-thinking about my relationship is not what I need right now!! I need to STOP the constant analysing & questioning & chill out! Plus now I can recover at my own pace & not worry about having to be totally okay in my head about us. Which in a funny way might actually speed up my recovery.

Because the thing is, when we do get engaged, I want it to be a big deal. A REALLY big deal!! & so that is all a bit scary when you have these constant questions, & anxiety attacks going on.

And I know I said I wasn't going to let anxiety win, but I don't think it has. It only really wins if it actually convinces me I don't love my boyfriend & destroys our relationship. We will get engaged. But only when I'm better. & when we do it will be a real celebration that I've gotten over my anxiety. At the end of the day, we're still young & we have plenty of time. So there's no rush. & best of all, my boyfriend has once again proven why he's so wonderful & special by saying that he'll wait as long as I need.

So I just wanted to give you all an update on the situation!

xxx Rosebud xxx

[rosebud1984]

Hi guys. Feeling loads of conflict today!! Still feel the anxiety over my boyfriend, but the fact that 'life is too short to keep putting things off' is also nagging at me. Has anyone ever had anxiety change/stop a life event such as getting engaged etc?? How did you deal with it? Did you feel regretful for putting off what you truly wanted? Or did you go ahead with it anyway & how did you feel? Do you think the anxiety will go away if I just take the plunge instead of freaking out over what a big deal it is!!?? My gorgeous boyfriend once again showed me why I should never let him go, by reassuring me he'd wait as long as I need. But him saying that upset me because he's so wonderful & I know I want this, but I just get so anxious when I think about it all, & I know that it's me that's depriving me of what I truly want. & the fear & the questions won't go away & they're making me freeze & put my life on hold. Life really is too short. I don't want to live my life in fear :(

xxx Rosebud xxx

[mad_hatter]

Rosebud, you're putting yourself under a lot of pressure here. Let yourself have the time you need to get better. You want to be able to enjoy your engagement and make a big deal of it which is great, but give yourself time to recover first. There is no rush to get engaged: it will happen, but only when the time is right.

[carlin]

Hi there, sorry you are feeling so stressed at the moment. If you are sure you want to be with this man for the rest of your life, then why not just have a ring, a lovely meal for 2, some wine and music and plenty of romance, then and only then, when you feel able share it in a big way with all your friends and family, go for it. Obviously let everyone know what is happening but the big party can wait for a while whilst you win this battle with anxiety! and you will win! take care and keep in touch xxx

[rosebud1984]

Hi, thanks for your advice. Carlin, your suggestion is a good idea!! It is the big fuss of having a big family party that scares me the most! I guess my anxiety is whispering "if you don't work out (as we want to have a long engagement) & you have made a big deal of it then you will look stupid!". It's awful! I hate anxiety! Maybe having a smaller celebration, at least for now, would make it seem a little less scary. But being the worrier I am, I think well, how long could I put it off realistically?? It can't really be more than 6 months after without seeming a bit silly can it!? Worrying worrying worrying!!! God it never stops!!

The thing is, we're going on holiday at the end of September & our anniversary is on the last day of our holiday & I get the feeling it might happen then. So maybe we could just celebrate it quietly on our own. A big party would be expensive anyway (as I learnt from my 21st!!), so maybe we could find a middle way between a huge party & nothing at all.

Thank you so much for that suggestion. I did think it myself, but dismissed it. It does help when someone else reinforces what you're thinking!! It has helped me to realise it is a valid idea & another option to consider.

Thanks again!!

xxx Rosebud xxx

[carlin]

Hi darling, me again, my eldest son got engaged 3 weeks ago, him and his girl are house-siting nearby for the summer. He took her for lunch, they chose the ring, they had a cocktail and went home together, he actually got on one knee (i know!!!) - i think he was the worse for wear though, and proposed properly later in the evening to endless love, they than rang ME, and i went to them and had a glass of wine, no-one else was invited, i stayed for an hour and left them to it. How lovely was that, simple, no pressure and i felt so privaledged to have been asked. my point is, so long as you are cool together do what you want not what you think others expect, have a big wedding in a few years maybe. good luck with your holiday darlings and keep in touch. you will get through this. xxjean

[rosebud1984]

Hi Jean. Feeling much better today It's nice to be having a 'good' day - I just hope it lasts! I think it could be because I am a bit more open to other options now. Before it was all or nothing. Now I'm happy to just see how it goes & go with whatever I feel.

Your son's engagement sounds very sweet, simple & private. Maybe a small thing with our immediate families would be an ideal first step before we really go for it! (If we do!!) At least that way I can break myself in gently!

Thanks again for your lovely kind words,

xxx Rosebud xxx