Parents

[hellybelly1982]

For the past ten years I have been through hell and back. At mt worst my depression and anxiety were so bad that I was in a psych ward for two months but thankfully now my life is back on track and I'm doing okey. Recently I have been struggling again, I have had a lot of stress and it just all came to a head at the beginning of the week and I broke down. I'am close to my parents and we have a good relationship and they do lots for me financially wise and I'am very lucky. I confided in my parents a few weeks ago that I was feeling suicidal and had cut myself they were very understanding and my dad came to the doctor with me. It made me feel really good and supported as when I was in hospital before my parents got quite angry with me and were very much like ' whats wrong with you ' kind of attitude and didnt understand at all what I was going through. It was very tough for me when I was in hospital and I was very scared, I felt very rejected by my parents when I was in there. On Monday I had a crying break down and my dad got quite impatient and annoyed at me (we were shopping at the time) and earlier on my dad had treated me to a jumper I wanted which I was very grateful and thankful for. Again this attitude of ' what's wrong with you, you have got lots of stuff to look forward to' was voiced from my dad and I could tell he was getting flustered, annoyed and generally fed up with me. He dropped me of home and I was crying my eyes out and I hadnt spoken to him again since yesterday. During that phone call we just chit chattered about general stuff but he didnt ask me once how I was or how I was feeling. I find this very hard to accept and understand because if the last time I saw someone I knew, especially if it was a daughter I had it would be the first question I would ask. I know mental illness is a hard thing for people to understand and it is very frustrating for loved ones but now I feel like my parents dont get my problems at all and I dont really feel like I can confide in them anymore. I think they have a tendancy to gloss over things as being okey, when they are not. Maybe im being a selfish cow and being over senstitive. It's not really something I can talk to them about either because their repsonse will be ' we do alot for you and pay for your car etc ' and then I will just feel guilty. I just feel really frustrated and quite pissed off because I feel like my parents and I were making progress with my mental health problems but now I just feel like nothings changed

I should also mention I have a husband who is very supportive and we have a very loving relationship so I do have support at home.

[Annie0904]

It is so hard for people who haven't gone through this to understand, they think if we have a happy family etc that we should be ok. I have really good, close family like you but yesterday my Mum was on the phone telling me I need to sort myself out as I really have nothing to worry about and others have much more to worry about than me. It doesn't work like that, we know that but they don't. Maybe if you could let your parents read some leaflets or the information pages on here so they can understand it a little more. x

[BobbyDog]

I think your parents are probably very scared and that is the reason they act as they do. It is frightening and soul destroying when you don't know how to help the ones you love. Give them a little space to try and work things out in their own minds. If they are irritable with you it doesn't mean that they love you any less. Don't feel guilty you are all doing the best you can.
Take care.

[hellybelly1982]

Thankyou for your replys. That is a good idea about getting some leaflets, I might look on the mind website and order some. Maybe if they see something in black and white that might help them understand me more.

[Tessar]

HellyBelly, I can relate to your situation. I think the others are right that your parents are scared. Thinking about it, when you're not well and your head is all over the place, it's hard to contend with. For them it's probably hard to get into that mindset at all because they havent experienced it. I've not been able to confide in my parents ever. A few years ago when I was doing CBT, they felt they were "losing me". In fact, it was more about me "finding myself" but they werent able to see things from my point of view. So I know it's hard when other people cant seem to relate to feelings we have inside.
But its brilliant that you have a supportive husband & I'm glad that you have been getting help over all of this. It's really good you have a close relationship with your parents, they've obviously been very supportive & that meant you have been able to confide. I'm pleased you felt able to do that rather than feeling you had to act on your thoughts. I think the others are right too that some space will help them. It is hard for you but I know what you mean about them not asking how you are. Its totally understandable for you to feel that way. I would too. I guess they are trying to do their best by you.
I most certainly DON'T think you are selfish or over sensitive. Far from it. Best only to give yourself positive labels as they will make you feel better. There's nothing wrong at all in being sensitive, I think that is a gift in life. It can make life hard sometimes because you are more sensitive to things that happen, but it makes you able to empathise with others. Some people are born without that skill. After all, you say that if it was your daughter - you'd be caring. Its obvious you are a caring person.
You also care about your relationship with your parents & its good you felt you were making progress in your relationship with them, I guess life does have it's ups & downs so maybe at the moment it's a bit down but the level of your feelings reflects how important the relationship is to you. But for sure you have the foundations of a good relationship with them. I'm sure if you continue to keep plugging away with them, even as you say, chatting about general stuff, things will continue upwards again. xXx

[hellybelly1982]

tessar - wow thank you for such a heartful response
I have had people in the past tell me im oversensitive and take things to heart too much, I like yourself dont necessary think its a bad thing. I have lots of compassion and empathy and I'am a very kind and thoughtful person which I think is because I'am a sensitive soul.

Maybe you are right, maybe this little blip with them is just them being scared and needing some space. I know it must be crippling as a parent hearing your child say that she wants to kill herself and harm herself, especially as from there point of view I have nothing to worry about. xx

[Tessar]

It's my pleasure HellyBelly, I'm finding it really helpful posting on this forum. I'm so glad to be able to pass on advice. It's a mixture of feelings that come straight from my heart and also things I learned in therapy.

[hellybelly1982]

Yes this forum is helping me as well, it felt so good earlier to start this topic and get it all out.