30/12/12
New Years Eve Eve
Had it planned for a while now but plans never usually go to plan for me..... it all depends on the day... thats anxiety for you. And the way I been feeling and been off work for month and bit has just been rock bottom for me.
Planned to go to Sheffield which if I am honest although been trying to look at distance and not think too much into it..... have been having butterflies in my stomach even though no feelings. Never been there or drove there and wont drive to Leeds City Centre.
Night before as some feelings are back I was excited but nervous but then felt not planned and in control as didnt know what to wear even though prezzies were alllllllllll wrapped.
The morning came and felt sick and anxious and just texting Cat loads, she was also anxious but wanted to do this. Planned to set off early at 11 20am even though wasnt meeting until 1pm and was only a 1 hour 2 min journey or so it said... this gave me time to not rush and to stop on the way if i needed to (which i did need to few times). Did finally get there. Parked up got ticket etc.... Got there about 1:10pm
then was nervous and anxious as couldnt find the place and what would it be like? would be it busy? how many people? nervous even though was only meeting one person as havent seen her in ages, or feels like it.... think since October at first ever meet I finally finally got to from here after wanting to go for so long. Gosh allsorts was going through my head.
walked over road like was told where it was and saw the place so decided to wait outside it but then as I walking towards it, I saw Cat (Serenitie) and Antonio. A sigh of relief but also nervous about what it would be like inside.
Was very calming place, not busy, comfy seats, very nice. Toilets just right next to where our seats were.
Got slightly anxious when two people sat at other side of table but tables weren't close together and just let the anxiety pass as Cat was talking to me.
Had catch up about her trip to Edinburgh, my dance show and trip, swapped prezzies. Had good chat etc. She had really nice dress on.
I stayed for ages...... then they both walked me back to my car as it was about 6 30pm and very dark. Put sat nav on to come home..... then panic struck.... it took me on a totally different way home, different motorway, was confused, panicked and then the rain was so fast I had to pull over. I finally calmed down and then continued my journey after I checked my phone etc and Rebecca (speckles) had text saying she was off to drop someone at the place where I come off the motorway or intended on as thats where I got on the motorway so wanted to go same way so it was easier for me if thats makes sense. So ended up chatting to her for half an hour before doing the last 20 mins, half an hour journey home!!!!
gosh there..... but gosh thought id sleep for england last night when got in about half 9 but nope.... no sleep again!!! but on the plus side it New Year Eve and although im not bothered by it hoping a few drinks will then help me sleep ALOT tonight.
got another busy day today.... and am nervous as not entirely sure what is happening yet???? eeekkk. frantically texting to try and find out.
So it may not seem good with the anxiety, and panic and different way home etc.... but I tried my best. Even the stress of what to wear was a miracle that I finally put something on.... although once on the way I still wasnt sure about it.... as it was a dress!!! with leggings and just my boots though.
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You did so well, proud of you xx
You looked beautiful and did amazingly well to drive to a new place 
