negative thoughts - suppression vs letting go?

[saware]

I've been reading a lot about how to cope with persistent negative thoughts on this site but I'm a little confused about the difference between 'suppressing' them (which is considered unhealthy) and 'letting go' of them (considered healthy).

for example, if a negative thought arises and it makes me anxious, should I try and ignore it, push it away, distract myself with other things? or should I listen to it and accept that I'm experiencing it? it seems to me I can only do one way or the other, not both :s!

thanks in advance x

[blueangel]

Hi there

When I did some CBT a couple of years ago, I had a lot of discussions with my counsellor about this problem. He was firmly of the opinion that if you suppress stuff, it will come back to bite you on the bum eventually (which I know now to be true!).

I did some mindfulness with him, which I found really useful, and in that, you do listen to the negative thought, accept it's there and then allow yourself to think about something. Sounds easy but takes practice!!

hope this helps.

[Tessar]

That's a very intersting point. Before I did CBT I would have probably thought the same. blueangel is right. If you suppress stuff, it will come back to bite you on the bum eventually.

The skills I learned in CBT have enabled me to be more realistic. Rather than allowing my thoughts to run riot, I can put the brakes on when things happen. This limits the extent to which I react to triggers. It doesnt mean I ignore the problem, in fact far from it. If I feel myself react to something I can spot it happened very quickly. I pick up on my thoughts & associated feelings. I was taught to recognise the "hot thought" (the one that's most powerful & usually lies behind my reaction). I can also link this to situations in my past that makes me react this way now. Of course it doesnt work every time because there isnt always something behind it linked to the past. But what I can do is recognise & acknowledge my feelings and understand what's made me react that way. Often my reactions are based on emotions rather than reality. Of course depending on the type of day I'm having or if I'm feeling particularly tired or emotional, I dont always succeed, but I think that's just what life does to you.

Even in that case, I can still reflect on what is going on in a realistic & more factual way than ever before. If I'm able to unpick the situation in this way I react more rationally & deal with it better. It has made me more confident & assertive. After a lifetime of bullying & feeling very insecure - I now dont let people bully me or push me around.

CBT was a real eye opener & whilst it was quite a journey it's one I'm really glad I took. I'd recommend it to anyone who is having difficulties in their life. Even years down the line I am still applying the techniques in the same way & I can even see in other people that they too are reacting in ways that are probably driven by emotions rather than facts.

[Arnie365]

Through my cbt I acknowledge the thought and then analyse it. What was it and what triggered it, how did I feel and respond or want to respond then assess what evidence and facts there are to support the negative thought and the what evidence is there against it. I'm doing this over and over and even though i find it boring I guess I'm training my sub conscious to do this automatically. It's re training my brain to be rational.

The other thing with the thoughts is to accept them for exactly what they are, just thoughts and remember your thoughts are not always facts! In one cbt book I have it says to picture a river which is you and the thoughts as leafs drifting down the river. Look at the leaves, see them (acknowledge the thought) and watch it drift on by.

Takes quite a lot of practice but give it a go.

[Tessar]

Through my cbt I acknowledge the thought and then analyse it. What was it and what triggered it, how did I feel and respond or want to respond then assess what evidence and facts there are to support the negative thought and the what evidence is there against it. I'm doing this over and over and even though i find it boring I guess I'm training my sub conscious to do this automatically. It's re training my brain to be rational.

The other thing with the thoughts is to accept them for exactly what they are, just thoughts and remember your thoughts are not always facts! In one cbt book I have it says to picture a river which is you and the thoughts as leafs drifting down the river. Look at the leaves, see them (acknowledge the thought) and watch it drift on by.

Takes quite a lot of practice but give it a go.

how did you get on with identifying the difference between "evidence" and your "beliefs"? I found it quite hard to begin with in seeing that my so called evidence was in fact a list of reasons to back up my incorrect viewpoints. I did get there in the end but it was quite hard work becoming able to tell the difference between facts and the thoughts I'd got used to having in my mind.

[Arnie365]

how did you get on with identifying the difference between "evidence" and your "beliefs"? I found it quite hard to begin with in seeing that my so called evidence was in fact a list of reasons to back up my incorrect viewpoints. I did get there in the end but it was quite hard work becoming able to tell the difference between facts and the thoughts I'd got used to having in my mind.

Hi Tessar

I guess with mine my worry is of having a heart attack and that there is something wrong with my heart which is causing the chest pains and it's this making me anxious not the other way around.

All I can put in my belief column is that chest pains can be a sign of a heart problem and that most people dont have them so it's not normal.

In the evidence against column I can list that I've seen numerous doctors and had numerous tests. Everyone one of them has told me my heart is 100% fine and that I have anxiety. I can list that I get my chest pains at rest rather than when exercising again against the norm of someone with heart problems and that when I have plucked up the courage to go to the gym (just got back now first time in two weeks and feeling quite proud of myself!) I've been able to push myself and had no chest pains again a good sign there is nothing wrong with my heart.

I agree it is really hard at first but make sure you are only listing FACTS and not thoughts. All of the above are facts of mine not what my thoughts tell me. Remember that thoughts are not always correct!

[rizo]

My therapist told me to imagine your thoughts like a train with carriages. You can either let them pass through the station or you can board the carriages and challenge each one (which will probably be immensely difficult)

What ive learnt is that letting your thoughts pass by is very effective in changing your feelings. When you get some horrible thoughts, especially in people suffering from anxiety, your mind will hold onto them like they are fact, and this will of course make you feel terrible, because you believe them.
But you can choose to be a bystander and just let them go. You are more likely to feel better quickly.

Yesterday earlier in the day, I was being bombarded with negative thoughts and I could feel my mood starting to go down that familiar path but I just told myself, 'they are just thoughts, they are not fact. My mood picked up a lot after an hour or so of repeating this mantra in my head.

[Tessar]

My therapist told me to imagine your thoughts like a train with carriages. You can either let them pass through the station or you can board the carriages and challenge each one (which will probably be immensely difficult) .

I love these "nuggets" that therapists come out with. They are brilliant because when something quite complex is simplified like this in a way you can easily recall, the message behind it sticks and the new habit forms

[Steve37]

A thought is just a thought, it will go as quickly as it came if you let it and don't dwell on it.