SCHOOL PHOBIA - ADVICE PLEASE

[panicdiva]

Hello there, I have many fears myself and love using this forum for help and advice. However, this question is not for me but for a child that needs help. I work as a Classroom Assistant. My role is Pupil transition from primary to high school. So, obviously i am there to help any children that are finding it hard to adjust to high school. Here in Scotland we started back last Tues. I have both a girl & a boy who are showing signs of school phobia. It is heartbreaking to see them go through this. Both have had terrible upset tummies, have been crying, shaking & just feel & look awful. The boy ran away from school today because he just could not handle it. However, today I got a copy of the girls timetable & have been meeting her at her class & escorting her to her next class. She feels that it is the movement from class to class that is terrifying her the most.

What I would love is if someone could give me any advice either from their own experience as a child or as a parent with a child that has sufferred from this. I can offer the children sympathy & understanding as I do know what it is like to have terrible fears. However, as I did not experience school phobia I am at a loss on what methods would most help to get them both through this difficult time.

Thanks

[darkangel]

hi panicdiva

i am sorry i cant help but if there is any person who is brilliant for this type of job then it is you - i am sure with your support and knowledge they will find it a little bit easier to cope.
i hope someone can help you

darkangel


........life is for living not just for surviving

[panicdiva]

Thanks darkangel for your vote of confidence - I appreciate it.

[Meggy]

I sure wish you would have been an assistant in my son's school when he went through years of aching school phobia. We finally had to seek help, to help him, it became so bad, lasted so many years. His started in the first grade ( 6 years old) and lasted until the 8th grade (14 years). He grew extremely large and rapidly around that age and it eased up quite a bit. We were told by the psychologist he saw plus the school psychologist that this is one of the hardest phobias to overcome and if any break thru can be made, it's a major step. It seems then to me what you are doing for the child, helping her identify what she is afraid of, is more a gift to her than maybe you realize. That INVESTMENT in a child's school phobia is so important. I don't know how to express it.

In grade school,which in the US is kindergarten (5 years) through the 6th grade (12 years old about) he went to a very small school until the 4th grade when we moved. He entered a much larger school and his phobia increased.He says now he can't remember the 4th grade at all. He is now 30 years of age. In his first school tho, the smaller one, he had a terrific principal.The janitor was a wonderful man too. People who really loved children. I literally could not peal him off a piece of furniture,whatever he grabbed hold of each morning to even get him in the car for school. So each and every single morning the principal and janitor came OUT to our house, pealed him off of whatever,and took him to school in torrential tears - him and me. His doctor started medicating him with 2 mg of Valium just as he woke up stating it helped some children. It made him sleepy but not unafraid. Once he got to school he'd beeline for the coat room and hang onto the coat hooks. The school psychologist said at that point the goal was to just GET him in school, that was accomplished and actually? He learned. His teachers were terrific. They'd slip assignnment papers under the coat room door to him, he'd do them, slip them back and obviously listened but he never came out to use the bathroom, playground, lunch, nothing. That eventually very slowly got better over a period of years. When he got home I always would expect him to come fleeing into my arms but he didn't. He was home, he was fine then, and seemed "normal". Eventually we got to the point he'd get in the car to go to school but we'd have long long talks about him leaving the car, walking into the school and participating or at least sitting in his seat. Sometimes we'd sit in the car for 1/2 hour or maybe longer. I absolutely dreaded the beginning of school each fall because of this - but it was only school. He'd go to Sunday school, b-day parties, friend's houses to play, even day care twice a week for several hours - but was terrified of school. I'd feel his little heart jack hammering in his chest as he clung to me. It was really wrenching.

The ONE thing both psychologists advised me was to never, ever give in and let him stay home due to fear, not even once. I'm really glad I had that kind of support because honestly? I might have given in a few times it became so hard but I never gave in, and I did have a lot of support and that's where I see you being so important. I really needed it. There were many reasons too for my son to be school phobic and we all assumed it must have been one of these things: he had epilepsy, severe asthma and too frequent anaphalaxis shock from unknown allergies. At that time he was also one of the smallest children in the class and had been bullied from kindergarten. I DO think the bullied situation that resolved itself early on was a factor. My son is a very large man now, tall and muscular, but then he wasn't well, very small and he even remembers feeling incredibly vulnerable. The psychologists emphathized though there might not be a reason. He might just be phobic. One of them hinted that since he'd been so ill his first 5 years he formed too tight an attachment to me, couldn't leave me, but none of that made much sense when I considered he could go o

[panicdiva]

Hi Meggy,

Wow, what a terrible time that must have been for you and your son. I am so glad that he had some support from the principal and janitor. Thanks so much for sharing an experience that must have been the most difficult time for you both.

The girl that I am working with has done really well this week. She is strong because as scared as she is she is facing her fear. She also has alot of support from home which helps tremendously. Each day her face has got lighter & happier because she knows that as hard as it is, she is doing it. On Friday, the staff were told of the fact that we were going to have a fire alarm drill during period 6. Pupils were not to know, for obvious reasons. However, I went & found her & told her what to expect because she had done so well over the week that I did not want this to throw her backwards. She looked panicky when I told her but I told her I would come to the class just before the fire alarm went off to escort her outside. She seemed happy with that. However, they decided to cancel it. I will keep helping her as much as I can, but to be honest she is doing alot of it herself & I am so pleased for her.

The boy however, is not doing so well. He is just terrified. We have a room where my counterpart & I go as well as some lovely ladies who work with particular children in the school. He comes here & we have allowed him to have 1 period with us where we play a game or talk, then the next period he has to go to class with one of us. This appears to be helping at the moment. However, we will see what next week brings.

I have suffered from anxiety & panic attacks, still do at times, since my 2nd child was born 8yrs ago. It is a horrible experience, but there are times that I am almost glad that I have went through it because it has enabled me to really understand what others go through & it has made me want to help them, not make them feel worse.

You are right about bullying. It has a much more far reaching effect on people than most realise. I am so sorry that your daughter had to go through this too.

I am so glad that you were able to tell me about your experiences & I really appreciate it.

[eeyoresraincloud]

Hello there panicdiva,

I was bullied terribly at school and developed school phobia. Even now 17 years later the thought of going into a school just terrifies me. I even carried the phobia into college and had to give it up.

Unfortunately my experience happened at a time where bullying wasn't so recognised so I was treated as a naughty child who was to be punished, rather than a scared frightened little person who just needed protecting. I am still carrying and trying to deal with the scars all these years later.

But I can tell you that if I had a person like you fighting my corner for me and holding my hand and telling me that I'd be okay, then I think I may well have found the courage to handle things differently.

So basically what I am saying is that by being a caring, understanding shoulder for these kids is really all you can do for them. I admire you for your obviously huge heart and only wish you were there for me 17 years ago. Huge thumbs up to you!!!!!

[clickaway]

Hi,

Not sure I can be much use here, but I do remember on my first day at primary school (5 years old), I refused to stay in the class and a member of staff had to be with me in the school hall. After 2 or 3 days, I found myself being with the other kids, but it's not surprising I've always been very shy and a poor mixer.

I didn't have any problems making the transition into senior school, although I had my first bout of epilepsy just days before which was to haunt my adolesence.

I am telling you this to give you hope. Hopefully, your two young students will soon settle down and enjoy the social interaction and learning.

Take Care,



Ray


http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[Meggy]

You're welcome. I hope that might have helped. My points were maybe hidden. One was it can be just one incident that sets the phobia in motion and two in my children's cases they had no one in the school on their side. I talked to my son last night about this and that's exactly what he said. His phrasing was he always felt he was on "hostile territory" once the principal and janitor got him into his classroom or once I dropped him off at school. He did say though the bullying didn't stop in his early years. It went on and off for many years due to his health he thinks - he was teased about it horribly. He's in therapy right now though for PTSD. 3 years ago he had persistent and severe pneumonia. Twice had emergency surgeries to have some of his lungs removed and is having a lot of problems with fears that are frankly realistic that could happen again.

I sure agree with the people who posted bullying can change a person's entire life. I know it did my two children. I did everything I could including even talking to these parents, which was a total loss, I could do to get it stopped. We even put my daughter in a private school for awhile but it wasn't any better there. I was very brutally raped over 3 years ago and since then have had a problem with disassociating. Both of my children who were bullied in school also have this problem, still. We all 3 have panic attacks too but I've had them since my early teens.

I'm so happy the little girl is responding to your kindness. It breaks my heart really. Even if the little boy doesn't seem to be responding to you? He might be both my son and I feel. He knows you're there. He might be watching you to see if you'll stay there, be reliable before he can trust you. He might not even ever respond to you but just knowing he's got a supportive adult my son feels, and I sure agree, can ease his fears quite a bit even if it's not noticable.

Again, bless you and all of those who posted with bad school experiences. I had one too and at the age of 58? I KNOW how wrong the school was in what they did to me but I still feel the stigma. I had just emigrated a few months before school started. I spoke a mish mash of English and Swedish. I didn't know that. The teacher and I couldn't communicate so they tested me, I didn't know all the English, my mother wouldn't support me for her own selfish reasons and I was stamped retarded. I was sent away for many years to live with my aunt. I have 4 college degrees BTW and I STILL feel the stigma of being "retarded".

Meggy

[KITTY_001]

hi i have been told i have a case of school pjobia well im being helped for it aleast it started when i started year 8 was really misrable at school cuase i was in all the classes with the bad kids the teachers are always yelling and i hate that one day i was walkin on the way to school and as i got close to the gates i felt bloody terrified my face went white i bit my lip really hard and started cryin so i turned tail and ran away and its been like that for quite a while

[bearcrazy]

awww Kitty,

I really feel for you. School should be a safe place to be, and I find it intolerable that you dont find it to be one. Dyou know what it is that you are scared of? Have uoyou been bullied? Or do you find things hard? I would love to talk to you to see if I can help. I am a teacher and I have 2 older kids too, maybe I can help? PM me if you want.
TC xxxxxxxxxxxx