So depressed, CBT was really helping but now 6 weeks in I'm back where I started.

[Nighttime pacer]

Hi all
I've had bad health anxiety for a few years now. I tried talking therapy and got nowhere so started CBT therapy. The therapist is great, really compassionate and full of praise when I do things well and improve and he's really easy to talk to.

All good except that I think I ran before I could walk.
My health anxiety is worrying about exposure to chemicals and lead and asbestos and mercury and formaldehyde and chemicals in furniture, the list is never ending. I'm convinced I'm about to die from something or other that I've subjected myself to.

I just wondered has anyone else crashed and burned because they tried to do to much at once with CBT. Stopping googling, stopping phoning helplines, recording thoughts, trying to think logically about things. I did all that in about 3 weeks and now 3 weeks later I'm back. I broke a low energy lightbulb and started panicking about mercury.

I need to start again I think. I've only had 6 sessions so far.
Are baby steps better than trying too much at once with CBT?

Sorry for rambling so much.
Thanks for reading
Nighttime Pacer

[cattia]

I don't think you're trying to do too much, it sounds like you've been doing great, it's just that you had yoir first real setback. These are going to happen and are a part of getting better. The thing is how uou deal with them. Now you have this overwhelming anxiety about the lightbulb thing but that doesn't mean you've failed or that the things you're doing aren't working, it just means that this is your chance to really practice what you've learned.

[Tessar]

Hi - I definitely relate to what you're saying. Feeling that you've crashed and burned is common I am sure. You're climbing a ladder while doing CBT. Sometimes you're able to go up a couple of rungs but then something triggering might happen & its a day when things arent so good anyway. In my experience on those days, a sense of going backwards or even back to where you start is quite normal. Its a natural thing to happen.
Regarding the light bulb, I feel that most people who are aware of what's in them would feel scared. That's actually a normal feeling in a circumstance when something is there in front of your that is threatening. I'm not sure when you next see your therapist but from when I did CBT, it was triggering things like this that helped me learn that not only could I find alternative, more healthy ways of first coping when it happened but also ways of reflecting afterwards. I kind of became my own therapist so that even when I wasnt in a session, I was able to draw on the support from my sessions and use the skills I was learning so that I'd not be quite as bad each time something happened.
It isnt possible to fix something this powerful just like that. CBT is a gradual process, you gradually replace the more unhealthy beliefs or fears with a more balanced viewpoint. Probably one related more to your average person (what ever that is !).
Unfortunately by its nature, to cope with the fears and then rationalise them you do have to experience them. But - and I speak from experience here - the strength of your reaction to to the situation does lessen over time. When you are triggered at the moment, on the severity of reaction its like you are hitting 10 out of 10 instantly and remaining there for some time afterwards. You've been doing this for so long that to change that is not easy. This is where CBT comes in. Instead of following your automatic reactions, thoughts etc - at some point in the processes, this little voice says to you "hang on". I'm feeling triggered. Then, if you're able to begin putting the brakes on somewhere in the process, that 10 becomes 8. After realising what's happening and realising you can influence your feelings and your body over this, you can take 10 to 6 and so on.
I remember my therapist getting me to rate how triggered I felt. I'd rate things up to a 10 at the outset. Then after doing the things she suggested would help, sometimes I'd get the reaction down a couple of points in the early days. The length of time I felt triggered for (and at risk) also gradually came down.
These days - several years down the line I might add - I do still get triggered. I cant change things that feel inbred. What I can do though is limit how much my reaction takes me over. I still find myself breaking the situation down. I work on it instead of it working on me. Its rare now that i am so triggered I obsess over things. I know that I have a choice to make. I can direct myself and my focus to where it is more healthy to be.
You didnt ramble, really you didnt. Your feelings are very understandable from where I'm sitting & I do know how it feels. 6 sessions in is very early in the process. It does take time on this journey & ups & downs are inevitable. But the overwhelming sense of fear does get better. You begin to recognise what i happening and you start to deal with it. Yes baby steps sounds absolutey fine to me. We all have to start somewhere.
Heres hoping you're feeing a bit better this morning.....and here's a nice warm hug to help you on your way today....

[Arnie365]

Totally relate. I'm doing really well with cbt and took to it very quickly but have 'crashed' a couple of times with setbacks. They always seem worse after you have been improving but keep it in perspective. I've gone the whole week without any negative or anxious thoughts then got chest pains yesterday evening as a trigger. The week before I had 4 triggers and negative thoughts, the week before I filled 7 pages front and back! My point is you have been doing so well so you know you can overcome this. Don't give up, use the setbacks to practice your cbt and stay positive.

[Elle-Kay]

You can never go right back to where you started once you start CBT, as you have learned the tools and knowledge you need to get out there and try again.

Taking small steps, in the right order is very important with CBT. My anxiety is about travelling distances from home. If I started by travelling from my home in Lincolnshire to Edinburgh I would almost certainly set myself up for a setback because if Edinburgh was overwhelming and I panicked my mind would confirm to itself that travelling distances was dangerous. If however I started off by travelling only 10 miles out of my safety zone I would feel less overwhelmed, more able to stay put and ride out the panic, and my mind would learn that even if I panic whilst out it will pass, and it isn't dangerous to me.

I would suggest you take a few steps back, and also consider how you reacted to breaking the lightbulb - I assume your therapist has talked with you about your reactions to panic situations? The CBT program I'm following reinforces that panic is scary, but not dangerous, and that it will pass if you relax into it rather than fighting against it. Allowing yourself to fight the panic and let the catastrophic thoughts spill over and run away with themselves tells your mind that you need to be afraid of the panic thoughts, and being afraid of them guarantees that they will keep reoccurring.

[macc noodle]

Hi - just wanted to say that you are doing great tackling dropping your checking and safety mechanisms with your CBT - you have done brilliantly to even face so much in a short space of time.

So don't be so hard on yourself xxxx

I underwent 9 months CBT and it was hard work - trusting the therapist and following the CBT model - I too had blips but if you go back to basics and keep trying you will get back on track.

The thing about CBT is that the hard work comes from you and that keeping up with facing your anxieties and dropping your safety mechanisms will mean that in the end your brain automatically does the work for you and your anxiety reduces

Don't give up :-)

[Nighttime pacer]

Hi all
Thanks for the replies it's nice to know that a blip is common. I saw my therapist today and we've written up a concise action plan. I think the problem was that my anxiety went away so quickly in the first couple of weeks of CBT I didn't really get a chance to do any proper working with techniques other than avoiding googling and a thought record.
I feel much happier about it all now, and agree with my therapist that in a way a blip this early on is quite useful as it'll give me a good chance to get into good habits.
Once again thank you all and thanks for the hug Tessar.
Nighttime Pacer

[Daisy Sue]

hi there i also think you're doing really well, and please don't be hard on yourself or be dispondent... the biggest and most important lesson we need to learn before we can get a handle on anxiety, is recognising we actually have anxiety and it's not anything else... it took me a long time to believe that one, but once i did, i was on my way to accepting coping mechanisms etc..

you're already there with that part of it - you're recognising your anxiety for what it is.. you're on the right path.