I had no idea where to post this, and I wasn't sure if to but I'd like some support as I'm really beating myself up.



I've always had a fear of knives, my brother used to self harm and hide knives under his bed, it used to frighten me alot. S I've never liked sharp knives, scissors and I've always panicked what if.....because of the way he is.


Since the anxiety hit after my brother attacked me in September I don't like washing sharp knives or using scissors. This feeling has become worse and Thursday when drying a sharp knife I suddenly felt very anxious and thought what if I hurt me or my children if I got really ill. I've since felt sick and worried sick why I had that thought:(((( worried I'm like my brother:(( or will I be like some women who have depression that end up so bad they hurt themselves or take lives. I'm dwelling on it and panicking myself.


It's not me at all why would I have that fear:(((( I spoke to hubby and my best friend and they both said what ifs are normal as its normal to worry depression and anxiety can become severe. Also local murder has upset me, body parts found very local to where I live has freaked me out. He cut her up and they still can't find her head:((( He's been arrested but still its frightening.


I have been suffering health anxiety, social and agoraphobia since my brother attacked me, but I've been on Dosulepin 3 weeks and its eloped me alot. I felt like me again almost and was getting out again but this has set me back, and I've felt sick, knot in my stomach and worrying I'm some kind of monster, scared I've not just got anxiety and that what if, what if, what if .....constant what if I did that. I've 3 children, they're my world, i adore them, that's why I'm beating myself up. Deep down I think is it the medication changing me? Or is it that I'm getting so ill that I will lose control? All what ifs and I'm dwelling on it so much. I feel so anxious and upset, I keep crying. Is horrible because I was so much better anxiety wise.


Do I sound mad?:( My anxiety is so much better, I managed aldi today all way with a trolley ok kids with me but they egged me on) I felt great all week until Thursday night, I've not slept and I feel sick with anxiety of how I felt and I keep dwelling on it. Can anyone relate and help me to stop worrying:( I hope I won't be flamed for posting this.