Guys, I've been trying to put this out of my mind, but I'm really getting upset.
Basically, I'm 21, and a virgin. I've met a girl online, who I met in real life about 5 weeks ago, and I'm absolutely crazy about her. She's coming to stay with me in 10 days, for 6 days. We really adore each other, so, so much. We talk every day without fail, for hours and hours at a time. She thinks I'm absolutely gorgeous, and really cares about me.
Anyway, we've basically both said that when she comes to stay with me, we'll most likely end up having sex. She's even gone on the pill in preparation. She's more sexually experienced than I am, and has been in long term relationships before and had sex. She knows that I'm a virgin, and that I have literally ZERO sexual experience of almost any kind.
When I was last with her, I was getting erections just from kissing her and having her close. However, being predisposed to worry and stress out, I began worrying about the fact that I'm on medication (anti-depressants, Effexor-XL 225mg) that inhibits my sex drive. That seed of worry has essentially become a lot worse, and now I'm beginning to dread the concept that I simply won't get an erection when I'm with her, and that I'll disappoint her and let her down, or that she'll think less of me or think I'm pathetic.
Up until about a week ago I'd get turned on just talking to her on MSN about wanting to be with each other etc, but now because of all the worrying I'm doing, it's all I can think about.
In case it isn't painfully obvious by this point, I have issues with depression and anxiety, particularly anxiety, all of which she's well aware of. She's even aware of the fact that my meds inhibit my sex drive, and that I generally only get an erection if I sit down and summon one. We're very open, and in love, and it's the first time I've ever been on the cusp of going this far and being this vulnerable with a girl, and I'm so, so desperate for it to go well.
I also realise that by worrying so much, and stressing out, I'm just making any problems I could have more likely, but that just makes it harder for me not to worry.
I even tried to drop down to a lower dosage of my meds to get back some of my old horniness, but I got bad, bad withdrawal symptoms, and have felt 10 times worse all yesterday and today. Suffice to say I'm just going to stick with my regular dose.
I just talked to her, and it was the only thing on my mind the whole time. I'm so, so scared, guys. I don't want to fail at sex the first time I even try it, and let down the girl I love. I know it may well be because I've messed with my meds, but I've seriously been crying my eyes out for hours now. I don't know what to do.
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