Hi, just needed to share

I constantly worry about having all sorts of mental health issues. I mostly think I might be an undiagnosed and untreated bipolar. I cannot accept that I can feel this horrible, helpless, severely suicidal and out of control because of anxiety/depression. I have periods of intense anger, hate, and irritability, which I think are the bipolar hypomanic moments. And also, when I first started taking Citalopram many years ago /I'm not taking anything right now/, I believe I might have experienced regular hypomania, but I'm not sure. I thought I looked pretty and wanted to buy new clothes and have my hair done and put on a lot of make up, wanted to go out partying, and was much more social than usual, I went on dates with guys /didn't sleep with them though/... I don't know. I think no one is taking me seriously. What should I do?

I constantly read about diagnoses on the internet and freak out all the time. Everything I read about seems to fit me in terms of symptoms. Even now as I'm typing this I feel like I'm losing control and going crazy, and I feel nauseous and want to call an ambulance to take me to the hospital. What is wrong with me :((( I want to have a proper diagnosis and treatment. I don't believe this is anxiety... Even if it is anxiety, it must be really severe, since I have constant mind chatter, constant feelings of going crazy and losing control and losing my grip on reality, sensorimotor ocd, pure-o ocd, social anxiety... how is it possible that I have so many things all at once :(((