Want to be convinced but...bit of a rant, hope that is okay

[PanchoGoz]

I'm going to go on a bit of a Robin front here
Remember that the one-size-fits-all thing works 2 ways.
Although it can seem as if you are not being looked at properly, your anxiety is caused by you focusing on yourself. You may tend to single yourself out from other people and feel that as you have had it a long time and your fears are complex, you should take more looking at. CBT teached you not to care about going deeper into your thoughts and symptoms and instead, just accepting them and labelling them.
May I suggest mindfulness...have you read the mindfulness part of Robin's books? What you were saying about a symptom like fluffy head could be caused by anxiety or not but can still cause anxiety in turn - mindfulness would help you look at a sensation like that neutrally and objectively. It may or may not be caused by anxiety but you can make a mindful decision about whether it's worth "doing" something about it or letting it be and living alongside it. It does not go into the causes behind the symptom, and the accepting thereof allows you the possibility of not getting anxious from it.
With loosing your fear of panic, part of testing it out is going out there and putting your practise into daily life. With the skills you have you have no need to fear real panic as you know it will never happen. Anyone would fear a "major" panic attack, but if you lose any obsessive or phobic fear of that, then you can leave that fear somewhere in the depths of the unconscious and not think of it again.
So in summary, CBT is a different type of therapy where the focus is taken off you so you are not singled out against other sufferers. Part of the problem is often that feeling of being beyond help and alone. Try not to cultivate that thought. Everyone is able to recover.
I think mindfulness should be a vital part of therapy though, as I had a blip this week and I have had a completely different perspective on things with mindfulness and have recovered from it much quicker than usual by just watching it, being with it, and giving it as much time as it needs. If you can learn to detatch from your thoughts and sensations, you have made a huge leap forward

[star2sparkle]

I agree again Pinktel...polluting my thinking...exactly...almost like we can 'trick' ourselves into believing a certain way to not to CBT to its fullest!
I was 'abandoned' once but it was horrific. Due to my agoraphobia, it was basically the pavement and I was down on it, gripped with a horrifying panic attack. It has started in a shop and I couldn't get to my car. No one came to help me, just walked by me.
My husband did have to come and 'rescue' me in the end, the anxiety wasn't going away, it just kept on being triggered by my surroundings over and over again. After that, I couldn't go out for many weeks . It was flooding in many ways and I have had flooding before but it actually managed to make my specific fear worse and I lost two stone in one week. So for me...hmmmm...I don't know. Perhaps one day!

---------- Post added at 13:53 ---------- Previous post was at 12:47 ----------

I agree Pancho, totally, though another train a thought is to have a big panic attack and see it through to the end to not fear it. That has yet to work on me. As I said, I have done flooding and it actually made me worse and very very ill. So to gradually expose yourself to the circumstance is certainly preferable . I do believe we can all recover, just at our own pace and time.
I struggled the other day with taking a part-time job. I was lucky enough to have been offered it but I was back to the same problem. In the past, the lack of habituation to smaller situations have plunged me into panic when faced with bigger situations. The eagerness to live a normal life meant I'd gone for a job without thinking of this and because, well, there just aren't any jobs! Not to mention the positive benefits of actually managing to get out and interact with people as I am very isolated. However, I realise that this is too much for me, just at this moment. I have to turn it down as it also wouldn't be fair on the employer if I couldn't make it in because of anxiety. And sadly, an employer isn't going to allow you to gradually expose yourself to the situation...not so good for business! I think you are more likely to be able to do that with voluntary work but even that, they tell you you must be there for so long. It is far from easy.
The key is to keep at it and never give up but equally I can't sit on a fluffy cloud just to make myself feel better. You can be a positive and cheerful realist!

[Pinktel]

Yes, flooding and then it going wrong is the worst!! Been there, done that, got the t shirt

I bet if you had absolutely HAD to stay on that pavement until every ounce of adrenalin had gone, even if it had taken a week, you would have walked away really empowered. It's a shame because there is nothing worse than leaving a situation like that, I really feel for you because I know what that's like. The disappointment, the humiliation, the frustration.

Can't believe nobody stopped to help you, but then again, they couldn't have taken your fear away...

[star2sparkle]

That is exactly it Pinktel, it would have been good to have stayed but the circumstances weren't really right...if anything, it was making the whole thing worse but then, that's panic for you. Whether I'd been on the street or in a field somewhere, I'd have found something in the environment to make the anxiety worse. But being actually out and people walking by really wasn't good! I felt awful, especially when they looked at me oddly. Then going home and feeling a failure when if I'd just sprained my ankle, I'd have rested! We all need to change the way we view ourselves and to be so much more caring to ourselves