Obsessing over past mistakes

[aziz]

I have the feeling of guilt not being good with myself. Several years ago I have a central serous ratinopathy in my right eye. I went to doctor. After some month of medication I stopped taking medicines. Instead, I did some eye exercise that cause damage in my eye. Recently, I went to doctor again. Doctor said I have macular degeneration in my right eye. It was really hard for me to accept it as I am just 37 years old. I feel really guilty of my mistake of doing eye exercise though doctor said it was caused by some other reason. I fear I will do the same mistake again. I was already depressed for some other reason. Eye problem caused the depression bad. It is hard to regain confidence. Everyday I am praying to Allah to cure my eye.

[aziz]

"La hawla wala quwwata illa billahi'l-'Aliyyi'l-Adhim."

would purify you of power, it would cure you of power. In other words, the idea that you have got power is to be sick. It is a sickness. It is not in your hand. When you know it is in His hands, when you know the matter returns to Allah, the affair returns to Allah.



source:bewley.virtualave.net/powercure.html

[Magic]

I have made lots of mistakes in my life. I think many people have.
I cannot go back and change things--so I go on and think about not making
any more mistakes to course me pain afterwards

[funiXplayXbuni]

Hi Everyone,
I have been using this website for 6 years now, and haven’t really felt the need to use it for some time. I am really struggling at the moment and I hope someone can help me please?
I have been with my current boyfriend for now for nearly 2 years now. I love him with every bone in my body, he is the man I want to Marry.
Last year we went through a rough patch, he lost his job, he was in debt, he was gambling and we argued a hell of a lot. I broke up with my long term of 5 years just before I met Luke my current partner.

One day me and Luke had such a big row, I realized that’s how I use to treat my ex. Luke was arguing with me all through the night, kept waking me up, locking me in the bedroom until we sorted out, and that’s exactly what I use to do to my ex. Then it hit me that’s why my ex left me and I didn’t blame him. He put up with that for 5 years. So one day I called my ex and I apologized for the way I was, and it wasn’t all his fault why we split up, I said to him he deserves the new gf he has, and I was a bit jealous at the fact that he was earning really good money now and I stuck by him when he was in debt, and I felt like I was with Luke and he is in debt with no job and I was back to square one. I cried my eyes out to my ex telling him how unhappy I was with the way Luke was with his gambling etc, and my ex told me to leave him, and I said what and be on my own and watch you be happy. I even told him to watch the film the notebook as I felt like I needed saving a little bit.
Now obviously me and Luke have moved on, I have fallen in love with him even more, He has sorted his life out with money and his career and I am so proud of him!
Now I just feel this almighty GUILT and I feel like such a bad girlfriend. I have told Luke EVERYTHING. Everything I can remember saying I told Luke. Now Luke forgives me, and told me to forget it and I don’t worry, BUT I CANT. I can’t move on from this, I feel riddled with Anxiety & Guilt, I feel the need to keep asking my boyfriend Luke for reassurance, telling him Sorry, I feel so guilty, please forgive me. Then once he does I feel relieved then a week later It will come back.
How do I get through this? It’s something I have done I cant change the pass, I have been honest why cant I move on!
I even said to Luke if I still loved my ex at the time or in our relationship would you leave me and he said NO. Why cant I forgive myself??

Please can someone give me some advice, I would really much appreciate it!

Rachael xxxxxxxxxx

[Oosh]

Hiya Rachael

Sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment.

Not had much luck have you. Listen, you're not a bad person for wanting a relationship to go right.

It's going right now and maybe you're scared that, now things are finally going right, ironically YOUR past actions might jeopardise it ?

You are enjoying it going right and you're looking for the danger. The danger you see is him not forgiving you for what you did. This makes you very anxious so you are constantly asking for his reassurance that he is not going to break up with you because if it ?
He reassures you, you feel better, but the what ifs return because it's finally going right and you don't want to ruin it, so you need the reassurance again and again ?
You're needing reassurance specifically of his forgiveness.

You are only guilty of wanting a relationship to go right. That's not a crime and it's not a lot to ask. If you love him, if you REALLY love him and ARE completely over your ex, he'll see it and he also will have known it was hard for you because of the difficulties he put you through. He'll be glad that he sees you're happy with him now that he's stopped hurting you.

If he's sorted his life out surely a lot of that will have been for you ? Because he loves/wants you.

None of us know how much time we have left. Your relationship with him and all our relationships are finite, one day it will end and there is nothing anyone can do about that. Today is the first day of what you have left together, enjoy it, enjoy him. Be glad you're waking up next to him tomorrow and then the next day and the day after that. Don't waste those moments worrying.
Whatever has happened, show him you DO love him and just enjoy it.
He'll then see you do and he'll be happy.
By the sounds of it he did it all for you anyway.

You've been through some difficult times. It's going right now and you deserve it. Enjoy it :]

(You're not the only one to need constant reassurance. I've known a lot of people that way)