I've always known that my fiancee has had bi-sexual urges. When she suddenly got a new best friend I wasn't unduly bothered, but they're on the phone to each other and with each other non-stop to the exclusion of me- so now I feel put out. Especially as I'm suffering particularly badly from depression and could do with the support.
Yesterday they went to Liverpool together and today I ring her up and ask if I should go round. She's very monosyllabic, as if she isn't even listening to me at all. i turn up anyway and she's feeling 'emotional', she can't see me now.
Ok, I might be jumping to conclusions, but I don't think I am- I think that there is something going on between my mrs and her best mate. I do feel quite angry about it- especially as it's a carbon copy of how I was cheated on in my previous relationship, apart from that was with a guy "there's nothing to worry about, you're over-reacting" and then Bam! we're seeing each other.
The mistake I made last time is that I went back with her again and again after she cheated on me, because I felt that there was nothing else in my life and I'd feel empty without her. Atleast in this relationship, I'm already at home, so there isn't the upheaval of moving out. Plus, we were due to get married next year- something that I was pushed into when we first got together (she threatened to leave me if I didn't propose and I didn't want to be on my own again)- it'll be a relief not to have to do that. And she's very irritable and aggressive, which does my anxiety no good at all.
She definitely isn't all bad, I think that she does actually have a good heart and she's loyal. I can see how she gets much more from her relationship with her girlfriend because we never have sex, we hardly even see each other because of work, we argue a lot, we have very different attitudes to money, we're very different people.
When I first left her front door I was doing my Homer Simpson impression (flapping about) 'oh no. I've got no friends. Who do I lean on now?', but I'm actually feeling more positive now.
Sure it's scary that there's no one that I can ring up for a phone hug, but it's a relief to be out of such an abrasive rollercoaster of a relationship- not that I'm officially out of it.
It just hasn't worked from day one. I think that I was getting better and then we got together and the arguments caused my anxiety to hit the roof. The only reason that I've stayed in my current job (which depresses the hell out of me) is so that we had enough money to go for a house etc....money which she would spend like it was going out of fashion. The last time I was single I paid off about £3000 worth of debt in about 5 months.
The thing that most disturbs me though is that I seem unable to build a support network. When my dad had a heart attack my mrs was really good, but who else do I have to turn to? I just don't get it. I had mates in high school and 6th form- most of whom I alienated by being very negative and critical. I had mates at Uni- most of whom I simply haven't seen for years and don't really keep in touch with. I'm volunteering at the moment and I've met plenty of people through that, but nobody has really stuck as a close mate. I know that it can be quite hard for men to bond and that a lot of people round here have probably had mates since childhood, but surely it's a numbers game: the more people I interact with the more people I will become friendly with? i appreciate that I'm probably not at my attractive best either while I'm suffering from depression.
I just know that it's a pattern that I get into where I meet a girl and totally absorb myself in her life- her friends become my friends and then the relationship ends and I'm left on my own. I guess my advice to myself is to concentrate on developing friendships, that's what I really need. Women distratct me too much from doing what I want to do.
Good luck to the mrs and her girlfriend- maybe we can still be mates?
PS. watch this space!! maybe I have jumped to totally the wrong conclusion. Anyway, I fee
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