Hey, I'm new here. I'm a 19 year old student, and have recently lost friends/family members and ever since finding a lump behind my ear have been constantly worried about having cancer. I'm here to help my anxiety and meet people with similar problems and get some support, so please feel free to drop a reply here, I'd be glad to read it.
The doctor diagnosed the initial lump as a benign cyst, I stayed worried for a while but improved over time, a year later around the time a family member had fallen into a coma I noticed two small lumps on the side of my neck, I relocated so I visited a new doctor for the first time, he checked all of my glands, checked for infection, body temperature etc. and said the lumps are very small and he would not have noticed unless I pointed them out and it's just calcification and nothing to worry about and to come by after 5 days for a follow up, the follow up again showed no changes, he said I was fine and not to worry. A few days after said family member passed away and around the same time I discovered a new lump on the other side of my neck, so I went to the doctor again, he did a similar check up and asked if the lumps were painful, which they weren't at the time (my neck was sore, but I assumed from weight lifting), he did a similar check up and reassured me again except I didn't really feel any reassurance from it, I kept worrying and last Friday started to feel terrible, with my neck and ears hurting, painful glands and I was convinced I had cancer. Funnily enough the same day I discovered a mole close to the nape of my neck (doesn't look at all like melanoma, but it still freaked/does freak me out). Saturday evening two of my friends passed away and the next day a teacher of mine. I constantly feel around my body and neck and feel lumps and asymmetry in muscles, bones etc. Stomach and chest pain, sensations everywhere and I always assume the worst of it. I attribute my pain to cancer spreading in different parts of my body even though I'm constantly reassured I'm fine. I have intentionally lost a fair bit of weight recently as I was overweight (now I'm at a fairly healthy weight) but sometimes I think maybe the weight loss was just coincidental timing because I lost a lot then it slowed down (yes, I know this is normal too, but I still panic a lot.) I also find lots of extremely tiny lumps around the areas I've lost fat which I'm almost certain are lipomas but I still worry it's cancer. The funny thing is, none of the deaths of people I knew well were from cancer, I do know people with and people who died from cancer but I was never close to them, so I don't know what this obsession with cancer is. It's gotten to a point where I can't go about my day to day activities with proper concentration, I'm always worrying, my inevitable death is always in the back of my head, I always worry about the after life, contemplate whether there is one or not, think about different religions, think about the lack of religion etc. (Not trying to start a religious debate here, just trying to emphasise on my feelings) I have a feeling of constant anxiety, sadness and terror. A brother whom I didn't really know passed away at a young age and his birthday is approaching within a few days and I feel absolutely dreadful. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at the age of 14, subsequently I stopped seeing a therapist and taking medication when I was around 16, but since around the age of 18 I've always been very anxious. It's not only about health, I feel extremely anxious even walking by police even though I've done nothing. Similarly I feel very anxious in large crowds, at nightclubs etc. I'm sick of constantly living with this fear and I'm trying to deal with it
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