Hello. Looking for some friends

[jennielouises]

Hi, I'm Jen. I have been on here for a while but have never really used it to the full. I have OCD, IBS, health anxiety and pretty much general anxiety. My anxiety has caused me to loose most of my friends and I miss having girlie chats and people to text and have a giggle with. I have a wonderful husband and he tells me his friends are mine but they aren't really. I have tried going on courses but I always end up not talking to anyone. Though I think I might have been going on the wrong sort of course as they were academic ones rather than something run like crafts.

I am 27 but I don't drink as I can't go to pubs due to emetophobia. Being around drunk people just makes me nervous. I just want to find like minded people. People who love crafts etc. and shopping and not just drinking!!

I have a couple of friends but they are both 20+ years older than me. Although age doesn't mean much to me, I want someone who is at the same stage of live as me. I have just got married and working on my anxiety so I can start a family. I am looking to buy a flat and to get on in my career whereas they have already done all that (apart from having kids).

I have recently had quite successful CBT to treat my OCD and am doing well. But I feel an emptiness through the lack of friends.

I am hoping to make some good friends on here and also wondered if anyone has any tips on how I can make friends when I am shy?

Jen x

[amyskye]

hi hope you make some nice new friends mine are not supportive and think im being stupid al the time when i have anxiety and panic im 19 and live in Newcastle would be nice to be friends and chat

[Sweettreats86]

Hi Jennie

I'm 26, happily married and am pretty much in a somewhat similar position to yourself. Im currently due to have an operation soon to have a polyps removed which I'm feeling really anxious about. Please feel free to contact me and we can chat.

Take care

[Andy699]

Hey Jen,

I'm Andrew and I've only just signed up to this. I am only 18 and most of my friends don't really understand my health anxiety. It tends to come and go but lately it has been a real pain!

I suffer from general anxiety and I thought it would be a good idea to speak to other people who suffer.

Can't wait to speak to you some more!

[jennielouises]

Hi Jennie

I'm 26, happily married and am pretty much in a somewhat similar position to yourself. Im currently due to have an operation soon to have a polyps removed which I'm feeling really anxious about. Please feel free to contact me and we can chat.

Take care

Hi Sweettreats86

I was trying to send you a DM but for some reason the option wasn't there. Wow you do sound in a very similar position as me. From your name I am guessing you were born the same year as me as well (86)!

When are you going in for your op?

Would love to chat. Don't know why I couldn't send you a private message. Does it give you the option to send me one?

Jen x

[XvickyX]

Hi Jen, I am in the same boat as you I think, I signed up to this site a couple of weeks ago but have only really introduced myself on a thread then haven't really used it, but I joined in hope I could meet some friends, as I am also shy and have been for as long as I can remember.
I'm also 27 and I have maybe one good friend who I'd say I can rely on and talk to but others I wouldn't really call true friends as I don't think they understand a lot of my troubles, I'd really like to talk to people who do understand and who are looking to make new friends, have girly chats etc with as life does feel a little empty at times with a lack of friends to text/meet up with for lunch/a chat, hope to chat to you, and others some more soon x

[Tessar]

Hi Jen. I'm so sorry that you've lost most of your friends, it is somethng i have heard many people say on nmp and such shame but you've certainly come to the right place for friendship, chats as well as encouragement & sound advice. Also, it really is possible for you to find ways of changing the situation for the better.

Even though many of the threads here are about serious subjects, equally there are also more light-hearted threads and others where you can just vent & let off steam. That is what's so good about this website, such a mixture of people & also so many different ways of looking at things. But everyone has each other's best interests at heart and that means alot.

It's great that you have a wonderful husband as thats such a solid foundation for you. someone you can rely on & that is priceless when you have health issues. I know what he means about his friends being yours... & of course they most probably are. perhaps in time, if you get to know them well enough this will change but also i understand your viewpoint too.

You've done well going on courses, I don't think I'd be that brave. ironically i probably would talk to the people but i wouldn't have gone in the first place. now that you have identified The courses being academic weren't the right kind to make friends at, do you feel you could try some kind of crafts course? I know people who have done pottery & they have always found it good fun.

As regards not being able to go to pubs due to emetophobia, well I could have written that. I do know where you are coming from. I am exactly the same around drunk people. In that respect I just want you to know you most certainly are not alone. i will socialise but there always comes "a certain point in the evening" when i make tracks for home. that is as soon as the drinkers start getting silly. i just cant cope with it.

i wouldnt mind betting you will find people here who are interested in crafts etc & may well have suggestions for you about finding suitable courses or groups where an interest in a particular craft is important but also something that might well be suitable for finding friends.

When it comes to overcoming shyness, it's very much a case of putting yourself out there, gradually building up your confidence by tolerating situations that feel uncomfortable. Sometimes if you start with something simple, just a cheery hello, or a simple question that opens up a conversation with someone. I know that I sometimes keep my head down but I have realised whilst sometimes that helps me avoid unwanted attention, it's not helpful in making friends though. So I try to appear interested in what's going on around me. Make eye contact with people. try to use their names. Also to use "open questioning" (I could probably find you some links to that if you like)

There is a really good website I can recommend. This link will take you to information about overcoming shyness. I haven't read these pages myself but the bits of the site I have used to help me, are well written and informative. my counsellor asked for the link and she thinks it's a good site as well.... Here we go....

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/reso...cfm?Info_ID=40

So, jen, It's good that you have some more mature friends as no doubt they can be supportive but it's totally understandable that you'd want to befriend people your own age & as you say, they might be looking to do similar things in their lives now as well. You never know, it might be possible to meet people on here and hopefully ones in your area as there are sometimes nmp meets also.

Its really good that CBT has helped you in treating your OCD & that you are doing well. I do relate to the emptiness you feel through the lack of friends but NMP is such a great place to make friends. I know it's not like we all live locally to each other but that doesn't matter. The support & friendship offered here really does make a difference to so many people. Even if we aren't meeting face to face, there is every possibility that you can strike up some friendships here.

Admittedly I am quite a few years your senior but I can still relate to much of what you say. So in that respect I can offer you support and reassurance. Friends and friendship are irreplaceable it is true. So we can help restore some of what you are missing.

[Chelby]

Hi Jen,
I'm Michelle a trans-woman with anxiety and depression, I too seek friends especially female friends. I am married, however feel that I could really benefit from some female friends to chat to and have girlie chats etc.
Hope to hear from you soon hun.
Michelle x