I have posted before about my health anxiety ruling my life, however in the last few weeks it got better I even managed to go to work for a couple of hours! Now I am once again nearly housebound and hate my mum leaving the house. I have had a really supportive boyfriend and family, however that all seems to be changing... they always focus on the things i dont achieve instead of the things I do which ruins my confidence. I just really can't deal with this anymore I dont want to be scared everyday.. I'm exhausted and I have tried everything and nothing works.. I have been helping my boyfriend revise for his exams.. literately he just comes rounds revises and leaves.. anyway it made me feel quite upset because I feel like he is only here as he finds it easy to revise here but doesnt want to spend time with me. I addressed him with this today and just asked if he could stay for an extra half hour and we could just chill, he said no he needed to go home, anyway I got quite upset( although my emotions are very heightened atm) and said no I wanted to talk about things and sort things out... he turned round and said I was crazy and no one in their right mind would act the way I do.. now I am just in a state and can't cope anymore, I dont want to be like this anymore I dont want people let alone my boyfriend to think I'm crazy.. I just dont see the point anymore I think it would be a lot easier if I wasn't here because then my mum could just get on with her life and my boyfriend wouldn't have to pretend he still loved his "crazy" girlfriend.. because tbh he cant I'm not the same person I was 2 years ago, all i see is anxiety and thats all I feel.. just anger and upset. I don't recognize me anymore, I don't want to be me anymore.
I know no-one can really offer advice but I just needed to write my feelings somewhere, were people won't judge me.