My Scary Sectioning Experience

[Annie0904]

Hi Steven, How are you feeling today? I hope you are feeling less anxious

[steveo]

Hi everyone.

Sorry for my lack of updates. I've just had a very tough few days with the increase in medication. Yesterday was the worst but today hasn't been great. I think I'm on the comedown now.

No real updates as I've not really been my observant self! I haven't left my room apart from to eat, and that was an anxious, head down, affair followed by a quick retreat straight back to my room.

I'm very happy in my new room. It's so much quieter and I finally got rid of the horrible hospital trolly bed. It woke me up so many times last night! I bugged the staff today and got a proper bed put in here. Makes SUCH a difference.

I must be the only person in the country to be enjoying the fact that the nice weather has gone. The heat really made things difficult for me and there is something awful about being stuck inside a hospital when the weather is so incredible outside.

I believe there are quite a few new patients that have arrived although I haven't had a chance to properly observe them and work out whats wrong with them. It feels quite strange with all the new faces. I was just starting to get used to the faces that were here when I first arrived. I think there are only about 2 or 3 of them left.

I think the only interesting story I have is that a lady broke wind loudly right infront of my face while I was eating dinner. That's a sure way to put me off my food!

I saw a duty doctor today as the p'doc I was seeing has a new post somewhere. She just came to check if everything was OK with the increase and in general. I had nothing to report really! Just glad I get to ride this out for another week at least until my next ward round.

My two mates came to see me today which was really nice. I had to cancel on them yesterday due to how bad I felt but I manned up a bit today. It's very hard seeing friends as my anxiety gets much higher as I don't know how long they will be here for.

As the days pass and I start feeling better, I shall report back on the new patients as I'm sure that they will be just as entertaining as the previous ones that I got to enjoy so much.

Thankyou all so much for your kind messages, replies etc.

Can't wait to start feeling a bit more human again!

Steven xxx

[Speranza]

Great - keep at it!

[SarahH]

Great news Steve

[Spot-the-frog]

Take it easy and glad you have got rid of the trolley bed!!!

[Her Indoors]

Hi Steve,

How are you today?

Making you sleep on a trolley bed, how very dare they?

Hope you are settling a little, looking forward to more updates. How's the Bobby/Tommy situation going? All the best and wishing you well on your recovery, you are doing so well and glad to hear you had your friends to visit you, hope they brought in some goodies.

Take care.

J xxx

[Speranza]

So now you are officially 'off your trolley'?

[Pipkin]

I think I'd rather be trolleyed...

Pip

[Kim51]

Hi Steve hope you are ok and it's not too hot for you today xx

[steveo]

Hi guys.

Just thought I would do a brief update.

Unfortunately I'm still not very well at all. I feel like a zombie. I feel that 30mg is too much for me. It still hasn't settled down in me either. Today I just lay on my bed staring at the ceiling for almost 3 hours. I'm really really tired all day. I cried a tiny bit today too but couldn't cry enough. I would have liked to cry more than I did.
I felt incredibly suicidal today too but I won't go into too many details about that on here.

I just feel more anxious but strangely a lot more depressed. I'm back to having a lot of very vivid dreams too which I don't enjoy.

A friend came to visit me this evening and I sat outside the hospital with him. It was nice but I just felt so depersonalised. I tried my best to be 'me' and it's completely wiped all my energy away. I'm shattered now. The problem with depersonalisation is that it's rather rare and undocumented within the medical world.

My neighbour next door was really on one last night! He is the guy that likes to open and close doors hundreds of times, then try the light switches over and over and over again. Then the toilet flush. Last night he must of overdosed on sugar because he didn't seem to stop making noise! It all seems so much louder at night too.

I've survived today without extra diazepam. Just the 1mg today which I'm happy about. I'm liking the weather being cooler. It's still miserable weather down here which I'm more than happy about. I can't believe it's 4 weeks tomorrow! It only seems like yesterday I was writing my 3 week post! This week has been really strange for me.

My internet has been annoyingly slow too which has stopped me distracting myself and occupying myself online with tv etc. I have some books and puzzles but just can't seem to concentrate on them.

So scared about tuesday when I see the doctor. I'm so worried that they will assume that because I'm not better after only 2 weeks of the increased dose, that they will start me on a different drug. I don't feel 2 weeks is long enough to make a proper assessment of whether an SSRI works or not. Every dose change needs to be allowed at least 4 weeks I feel! I can't keep going through this sort of pain and torment every fortnight. I'm a human being! They have no idea how painful it is to be changing doses and starting new drugs. It's absolute hell and I'm sure most of you can back me up with that.

Thanks for all the support. It's been a really really horrible few days for me. I just can't shake off this strange feeling.

Love Steven
xxxxx