My Scary Sectioning Experience

[Annie0904]

I am pleased that you can go to view the flat Steven but sorry you are having so many negative thoughts about it. Change those scenarios to positive ones, visualise yourself in the flat chatting to the Landlady and it being a positive experience. Focus on getting yourself ready for the meeting with her, getting your hair washed. I really hope it goes well for you and I am pleased your friend is able to take you.

[Pipkin]

Steven,

As Annie has said, there are positive things in your life which you'll have to try and focus on, impossible as that may seem. You've got friends who are happy to support you (and that's priceless), you're going to see a flat in a location most of us would love to go on holiday to, let alone live in, and you're going to change meds which might be the start of your recovery.

The start-up on ven is fine but I can guarantee that if you think it will be awful, it will be awful. You've been through so much, you've got nothing to lose, right? Don't let it become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Good luck

Pip x

[roxy46]

Steven

If your doc suggests venlafaxine then I wouldn't put off starting it if I were you. I wouldn't have thought you will feel much worse than you have done the last two days. The quicker you start to get it in your system the sooner you'll see how it's working for you.

Force yourself to have shower and scrub up a bit, have a spray and ask your friend to being you a belt. Take the diazepam before you go to see the flat and whilst you're there put on he old Steven act. The charm and personality is still there we can see that in your posts and I bet you can bring it out no matter how bad you feel inside, I've always been good at pretending. It won't be for long, she won't know you've taken diazepam I'm sure.

Then you can get back, carry on your treatment and get better x

[clio51]

Hi Steven,

Yes you will be scared stiff, but think further ahead!
Just turn your old charm on (I know very hard when your just dying inside) at the very most it will be 20 mins. That 20 mins could be a life changing experience for you,not now in the future.
She won't know your on diazepam! And regards how you look she doesn't know what you normally look like, so stop worry about how you will look.
Get yourself a shave,shower put something with long sleeves on get you mate to bring a belt.

As regards the venlafaxine, I changed from cipralex to venlafaxine.
I was on 20mg cipralex

The way my psych did it was 10mg cipralex with 37.5mg venlafaxine for 2 weeks
Then no cipralex and 75mg venlafaxine. All this time I was taking diazepam also
12days into 75mg and I had suicidal thoughts(but this is supposed to be a normal reaction) I then went to 112.5mg 6weeks later and 3 weeks after that 150mg. Must say I was still taking diazepam 2-4mg a day with it for a few months.
Maybe yours will taper you in the same way. If he decides to change you

Try to keep yourself busy that way you won't think to much, I know it's very very hard when your anxiety is sky high but it can't stay sky high all the time so it will come down again.

Take care x

[daisydaisy]

Hey Steven,

Don't give up keep going as others have mentioned I think some of the above could be a bit of a blip but also yes try the new med and try to go and see the flat. If you wow the landlady with the charisma you show in your posts I'm sure you will be in the running for it and getting the flat could be the BEST thing you ever do. I know you're scared but each step at a time. If you get the flat worry about the practicalities later. I think you'll kick yourself if you don't try.

It could be the key to your recovery perhaps living there, by the sea, walking, breathing the clean air and maybe working with a mh community team perhaps to continue the support and having friends to visit more regularly and setting up a life for yourself at your own pace. Don't rule it out because of fear, you'll be with a friend when you visit initially and I am sure they will take it slow and support you all the way. Try your best and tell anxiety to do one (feel the fear as they say) because life is too short and you deserve this for you.

All the best.

X Daisy

[MrAndy]

hang in there Steveo,I was in hospital , changed meds and was petrified,the changeover went with no surprises or events.It doesnt have to be hard.Dont discount anti psychotics ,I am on a low dose of olanzapine and it really calms you down with no side effects for me.

hang in there and good luck

[Speranza]

Be a bit fatalistic. If it is the right flat for you then she will be the person to see that. For all you know she has a son with mental health issues... just get on the right meds for you and do it. You can do this. You are going to have to leave the building at some point so it may as well be for a trip to the seaside...

[Pipkin]

Hi Steven,

Hope today's been a bit better for you. How did you get on talking to the doctor? Any med changes proposed?

Pip x

[Spot-the-frog]

Just do it.... easier said than done, but you will regret it if you don't try. Take the diazapam, scrub up before you go, let your friend support you and before you know it you will have been there and got back again. We are all rooting for you and I really hope that you are the lucky one who gets the flat

[steveo]

Daily Update.

Thanks for all the support as always.

So I woke up today very very anxious. Going out to the ward round, my legs almost buckled. I was so depersonalised that it could of been a dream and it was all very frightening indeed. I sat in there and the p'doc really just spoke about discharge. He changed his tune. I was in there ready to discuss me starting Venlafaxine. I said that perhaps it might now be a good idea. He asked me to stay on Escitalopram for a tiny bit longer because dispite being on it for a long time, I've only been on 20mg for 2 weeks.

So talk is back to discharge. I walked back to my room, so very scared and crawled into bed and slept.

Lunch was a huge struggle. I could barely control my anxiety. Nearly ran back to my room many times.

After lunch, the social worker came in. I told her I had been sent lots of bumpf from ESA etc so she sorted everything out for me. She told me to sign my name on it and she would do the rest.

Spent the next few hours lying in a ball, shaking in fear.

Then the psychologist came. She's a magician! I was still lying in a ball whilst talking to her. She asked me my anxiety score out of ten. She said that she would like to go outside with me. I said.... 'well........ I'm going to have a panic attack. I can barely open my eyes now.' She said 'that's ok. You know nothing will happen. It will just help me see you at your worst.'.

Somehow, I was fine. Really fine. I feel so safe with her. She's so clued up. She's one of the few Clinical Psychologists in this country that have a Doctorate. She told me today how to control my worries. She told me to write down all my worries and see how many of them are not worth thinking about. Worries that don't help such as 'why have I been ill for this long...when will I ever get better..... why does this keep happening... etc'

All these questions are unanswerable and almost self fulfilling. I need to recognise when I start to think about these things and stop them in their tracks. Absolute waste of time even thinking such thoughts. I'll be as ill for as long as it takes. I'm still ill because I'm still ill. The more I think about those things, the worse I get.

Then my friend came over at 6pm. He was meant to leave at 7:30 but the nurses thought he was a patient so he's only just left. It wasn't easy and as it got darker I started to panic a bit but I was OK. I feel like I'm having a real late night!!

So..... tomorrow I will be back on the walking thing!

Also... I have arranged to do a 'dry run' down to where the flat is on Sunday night. My friend will take me down. But.... no point worrying about that now or at all.

Still feeling very shaky and depersonalised but a tiny bit more positive.

Sorry for my spelling in this post. My automatic spell checker seems to be turned off! I didn't realise how much I rely on it!

Thankyou all again for your massive massive support!!!!

Steven xxxx