My Scary Sectioning Experience

[nicola1980]

Hi Stephen, you are being so brave and your posts are alot nore positive you should be so proud of yourself as you are handling the whole situation amazingly, i can't begin to imagine how scary the whole situation must be to you but you sound so much more upbeat than your previous posts whilst you were at home, we're all here for you on nmp and rooting for you hun, you will come through this and you will get your life back just how you deserve it keep posting, sending love and hugs x x

[Her Indoors]

Hi there Steven,

So so sorry to hear of the terrible time you have had, but really pleased to hear you are now getting the help and support you need and that the nurses and staff at the hospital have been kind and caring towards you. Your post about your sectioning ordeal reduced me to tears, but you were so brave and you coped in a very frightening situation. Glad to hear you have lovely, understanding friends to comfort you.

Hopefully now this will be the start of your road to recovery and you will get the support you deserve. I wish you all the best.
Kindest regards.


J xx

[steveo]

Thankyou everyone.

So I'm losing count of days. Think it's my fourth day in here. It's also just over 24 hours since I've doubled my medication to 20mg.

I think the medication doubling is starting to show some sort of side effects. Hard to explain. I'm feeling more anxious in a strange way that I can't quite explain. I'm feeling very tired and strange. My appetite has starting to reduce which I expected to happen with the increase.
I also don't quite feel 'with it'.

Last night from about 9pm started to get very difficult for me. I could feel a panic attack building up and it got very very close. In a way, I wish a panic attack happened so it would have been over and done with but the panic feelings just continued till whilst I was trying to get to sleep, which obviously was causing difficulties.
It was another roasting night last night which meant I didn't sleep very well anyway. I was also woken at around 6:30am by the man who likes to have strange telephone conversations. I woke up to "Listen! I got two lawn mowers! Ones got blades and one 'ent got none!" Phone down. I'm not sure who wanted or needed to hear that information at that time of the morning.

I'm also without the ability to charge my laptop for a few days as it's off being PAT Tested. So once I write this and have a very quick browse of the forum, I will shut my laptop down to make sure there is some power in there for later on tonight. I will have to make do with some crossword books today and classic FM on the radio wall panel we have here.

Just wish I didn't feel like a zombie today. Everything around me seems strange and scary. I guess it's what I expected from a dose increase. I really hope increasing the dose will help me.

I'm not enjoying today :(

Steven xxx

[Lissa101]

I wish we could all get in a mini-bus and come and visit you!

Hugs xxx

[SarahH]

Steve,

Hang in there. We are all thinking of you

Sarah

[Kim51]

Hang in there it can only get better that's what I kept telling myself when I was at my worse. We are all rooting for you.

[nicola1980]

Your doing brilliantly hun, things can only get better now, stay strong x x

[Magic]

Steveo, Sending you best wishes and stay strong xxxx

[steveo]

Thanks again so much for all your wonderful support.

Thought I would open my laptop quickly to give you my story about today.

Haven't had the best day. Infact I've been VERY anxious all day. Whether that's the increase in meds or the fact I have it in my head that the increase in meds should be causing me added anxiety, I don't know. All I know is that I gave up struggling by 2pm and asked for some PRN diazepam so I was no longer suffering.
I think a bit part of my anxiety was seeing a psychologist today. I have a huge interest in psychology and I don't believe I've ever seen one regarding my problems. It was very hard to talk about my anxiety, my panic attacks, my causes, what makes them worse/better, my self harming and my suicidal thoughts etc. I was anxious enough being outside of my room and talking about my anxiety made it a very difficult session. We did have a good chat and we went off topic a few times talking about other famous psychology experiments which I enjoyed. He was there to find out what the best line of non-pharmacological treatment would be for me. It's all very well drugging me up but I need something else too.

I've spent most of the day in my room. I tried to sleep after breakfast but that failed as I felt too hot. I completed quite a bit of my puzzle book today and watched some TV on my phone.

I ALSO attended my first 'class' today and it was the single strangest moment of my life. An Occupational Therapist knocked on my door and asked if I would like to attend a light stretch and relaxation class. I figured it would be good to go out of my room and some light stretching and relaxation would be great for me as I've been feeling VERY anxious today.
Turned out that it was just me and the older man who makes the strange phone conversations in there.
The OT sprayed some lavender oil around the room and pressed play on the very antique HIFI system which then played a cassette tape of whale sounds.
We started with some very odd and very light stretches. Something that wouldn't be out of place for 90 year olds to do. Half way through, another patient stumbled in. She had her headphones on playing very loud techno music. She didn't bother turning it off so we all got to hear her loud incessant noise which was very off putting. She didn't bother to take part properly in anything either. She just sat on a chair and laughed at us.
A few minutes later the panic alarm went off in the hallway followed by screaming noises, staff running, doors slamming, chairs being thrown etc. This meant the poor OT who was running the session had to really raise her voice. This was also at the stage where we were sat in our chairs doing the relaxation part of the exercise. The noise outside stopped and we continued. At that point the girl that had walked in decided to move chairs to one the other side of the room. She then babbled out a string of words that made no sense followed by a hysterical fit of giggles followed by her standing up and saying 'F***. I'm going for fag in the garden'.
We did a couple more breathing exercises and then the session was over.
Despite everything, it did relax me and I managed to switch off the outside noise and laughing.
The best part however, was that right at the end of the session, the OT said in a very calming voice 'and how was that?' The other man in there sprung out of his chair as quick as a flash and in a very loud Cornish accent said ' That was bleddy 'andsome! When you 'ere next?'

It was the strangest experience of my life and wouldn't look out of place in a movie. I look forward to other classes.

I believe there is a mindfulness session tomorrow so if it went anything like todays class, then you will all be in for a treat tomorrow.

Over all though, today has been very tough for me. For most of the day I've felt unbelievably constantly anxious and nothing would get rid of that. Along with that I've felt so so low, purely because of the constant anxiety. There is only so long people can put up with constantly feeling afraid, unreal and uncomfortable.

It means so much to log in on here and see all the wonderful messages of support, so thankyou for that.

Starting to feel very anxious and tired. I will have my small dose of diazepam in a bit but I might ask for just a tad more to make sure I don't fall asleep shaking in fear. Thursday tomorrow. Where on earth have the days gone? It's been over a week since I've left home. I'm so glad that the police cell experience is starting to become a distant memory. That experience has left me with a tiny bit of trauma. Many of you have mentioned how scary that situation would be for you.

I will try and update you tomorrow. I am doing well at conversing my laptop battery life, although I am rather bored not being able to use it. Hopefully my charger won't take too long to be PAT tested.

I hope everyone else is happy, healthy and content

More sectioned stories to come.

Steven xxx

[ElizabethJane]

What is it about whale noises - just downloaded some onto my iPod? I just wish we could do more to help you? Sending hugs EJ