Problems at home.

[greg123]

Hi there,
I was wondering if anyone else has issues with family or parents that are making their anxiety worse? My main problem seems to be with my Mum she doesn't seem to understand my anxiety. Whilst I can understand how frustrating it is for her I feel that she is only making me worse. I have been on some new medication that makes me feel drowsy in the morning and I find it hard to get out of bed, she will scream at me most mornings to get out of bed, so loud that I think all the neighbours must know my problems by now, she says things to me that are hurt me when she's angry such as ''you'll never get better'' or ''you need to get a life'' or ''what did I do to deserve this'' she will start crying.

We went out the other day and I had a panic attack in the car with her but instead of her trying to help me through it she just started shouting at me telling me how much it frustrates her, safe to say it made me worse.

I can't help feeling that I've completely let her down, I feel she must be ashamed of me, compared to my other brothers and sisters I must seem like a complete freak to her. We have had arguments on arguments and I have told her not to speak to me like crap and told her how it makes me feel but come the next argument she's back doing the same thing. She has been to a few therapy sessions with me, I have let her read articles about what I'm going through and whilst she's sympathetic at the time, that seems to go out the window when she gets frustrated.

You would not believe that I am 21 by the way she speaks to me, the anxiety makes me feel almost childlike, it makes me feel very vulnerable and that I could never handle life on my own two feet, even though I did before this happened. Whilst I do understand how much it upsets her I don't think she grasps how frustrating it is for me and how trapped I feel by all this. If I could live in a calm household or not be shouted at every morning I think it would make my life a hell of a lot easier.

Sorry this is so long, thanks to anyone who replies.

[Speranza]

Sorry to hear it is so hard. Do you still see a therapist? Maybe talk to somebody about it. Sounds as though your Mum may have her own struggles too. I'm sure she loves you or she wouldn't have gone with you. Some Mums just aren't good at showing it. Mine wasn't and now I look back and realise she really did, just couldn't show it how I needed.

Which was neither of our faults. And this isn't yours.

[kittikat]

It is never easy for our loved ones to understand what we are going through. Perhaps you could try printing off some information on your condition for her to read through to help her have a better understanding of anxiety and panic.

Unfortunately it is the 'unseen illness' and while you probably try to hide it a lot of the time your mum only sees the you that is portrayed when the mask is on. She really doesn't know how to deal with your PA's, she is frustrated and perhaps a little scared to see you like that....and possibly thinks you can just 'snap out of it'. Don't be too hard on her or yourself...

There was a fantastic documentary on BBC3 last night "Diaries of a Broken Mind" about young people going through different MH issues and a little about how they cope/the stigma attached etc. You can see it on iPlayer...might be good for your mum to watch it with you?

All the best, Kitti

[Elf20]

I can relate to this. Not that my parents make it so much worse, but i understand. My father has a taboo about psychiatrists, so i don't feel comfortable telling him that i have an appointment or - that's even worse - telling him to arrange one for me. He keeps saying "you're not crazy, you're ok, it's a phase, i've been there before", he even gets a bit mad at me when i cry. "Why do you keep doing this? Oh, pull yourself together, the doc said you're fine!" He thinks that i have no reason to. And, you know, maybe he's right to some extent. But i was actually diagnosed with anxiety disorder and ocd, and talking to a professional is making a huge difference for me. I hope he would understand.
My mother, on the other hand, worries about my anxiety... maybe more than i do. She understands that there's a problem with me only when i'm having a panic attack. Then, she stares at me like i am dying, and says that i need to go to the doctor, or to the hospital, or to take drugs. Lol, sometimes i think she's having a panic attack too.
Anyway, i know that anxiety can make you feel vulnerable and even "childish"... I often feel like this. What can surely help is doing something that makes you proud of yourself, that "gives a boost" to your individuality. Focus on what you're good at, or what you're unique at. Express your talents, make small (or bigger, if you dare) changes in your appearence. Don't ask for acceptance from parents, friends ect, just be yourself and bring yourself out.

Now, regarding to your parents. Practically. Talking to them is an option, but sometimes it won't help. Maybe going with them to your therapist and having a good conversation all together?

[gem7]

yes i find the problems i.m having its making my anxiety worse too do with my mum but diffrant reasons i dont live with my mum but way she is going on its affecting me so much & my family dont understand my depression & anxiety only one what kinda does is my sister so sorry your having it so hard with your mum here is some hugs from me

[Invisibletouch]

Speaking from a mothers point of view i can see both sides. My son has suffered from anxiety and panic attacks from when he was young, and then was diagnosed with OCD. Personally i researched everything from when he started to become ill to understand what was happening, and then did everything in my power to get him the right treatment.
It is frightening to see your child suffering in this way, and i would have done anything to make it better for him.
People react differently, and i believe that still a lot of people don't want to admit that their child has a mental illness. It's not like a physical illness that can be treated and hopefully begins to respond fairly quickly. Mental illness although treatable often takes patience and time before any improvement is seen. All this causes frustration with the patient and their loved ones and many times the parents don't know how to handle the situation. I truly believe the old saying that unless you've been through it, you really don't understand how bad it is for the sufferer.
What you must remember is that even though parents may not be handling the situation very well, doesn't mean they don't care or that they don't love you. Pretending its not happening or telling you to "pull yourself together" is just because they don't know what else to do.

[Speranza]

So true.