Feeling safe in your own skin!

[spiritofnow]

I think I am using these virtual spaces to purge! I guess that must be okay as it seems to help :-)
Had a bit of a rough night, but seemed to hold back a full blown attack. Still, it is uncomfortable feeling tense all night. I thought I would allow myself to have a rest from Uni work and just veg and watch the box. Happens that maybe I would have been better off studying. All that space and the internal dialogue started then I had the weird feelings of detachment and dark thoughts running through my mind. I am sick of being at the mercy of my unfiltered thoughts, sick of fighting with myself. I so want to feel safe in my own skin I know the time has come for me to address all of this by getting a diagnosis etc. Part of me is fearful of that - I don't want to be told that studying might not be the best thing for me right now - its what I want,choose to do! I also fear losing my partner - which is totally my anxiety, and I know what I would say to someone who said that. I guess it seems unfair that I have finally found happiness in my life and the panic has come back - I think of a future with him and that makes me feel anxious...Sorry I always write long ones, if anyone is reading this?24 years of panic on and off and I really don't want it anymore,why should I be imprisoned??
I was told once that sometimes when people with unresolved issues come to a place in their lives when they are quiet - not fighting. That all this stuff can raise up as your body is better equipped to deal with it? Sort of makes sense but is quite ironic :-(. I just don't wan't to feel so close to the edge at times, but instead feel some inner peace - boy if I had one wish that would be what it was! I want this life that I have to live to be as good as I can make it! I have come to the point where I know I need to be on my side, I need to support myself and take care of me. I hope that I can achieve what I wish for.....Total and absolute freedomfrom my past,and the tourment that I cause for myself. Please if the univesre is listening help me help myself!!!!!!!!!!!!

freeyourspirit

[yorkylover]

Hi and welcome to the forum.You will get some helpfull advise here.we are all here to support each other.Your not alone in how your feeling,it all makes sense.
Take care

Ellen XX

[hopeful]

Hi,
I can relate to what you are saying.
for most of my adult life I have felt like I am treading water and about to sink. It all seems such a struggle.
I think this all comes from responsibilities eg. partner,kids,job,home.

I too want to feel safe in my own skin. you are not alone.
Take care
julie x

[NPS_Paul]

Love. Find love and the rest comes easily. Not a friend. Not a sexual partner. Look deep inside as you are now. Who loves you without conditions? If you know the answer you can move forward. P message me. Paul.

Love to all members

[trac67]

Paul.

Hmmm, not that easy

Trac

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[spiritofnow]

Thank you all for replying and your kind words!
I guess the comment on loving yourself struck the deepest with me. I know I should, but I am not quite there yet! Having a loving partner does help though. To share the journey is better than walking alone - for me right now it is. Although, I do have days when being in a realationship is hard,( and I am constantly looking for ways OUT) but being with someone who is right for you can reflect back to you how you really see yourself. At times that is a bitter pill to swallow. But I deserve it as we all do! The goodness and richness that comes from sharing your life and all that ,that entails with your 'one' is a positive and I won't deny that anymore. I can see myself clearly and sometimes I don't like what I see but I am the only one who can change that!
MADE MASSIVE PROGRESS YESTERDAY AND WENT TO THE DOCS. Had a list as I don't usually do the docs. Anyway in the morn I covered womens health and in the afternoon I had a 20 min appointment about my life and PANIC. Someone form the Psych unit will visit me in about 4 weeks with CBT as my preffered method of treatment. Felt very emotinal and vulnerable but all in all I am following my plan of taking care of me as well as I do everyone else! I AM 'WALIKING THE WALK'.....NOT JUST 'TALKING THE TALK' NOW!!!
As for loving who you are, well I guess in time I will learn that. I know at times I have turned inwards on myself but I am aware and when I am having good days like today it is easier to see that I am woth loving and I should at least do it for myself. We should not ask of people to do that what we cannot provide for ourselves. xxx

freeyourspirit

[static]

This post hits home more than anything i've read so far, i feel like you have put into words exactly how i feel. I'm so glad there are other people out there who know what it feels like even though I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'm terrified about how this controls me, i want me back, into my control.

Good luck with it and thankyou.

D

[spiritofnow]

WOW!!!! That has made me have a lump in my throat! One; that you get and relate to what I am saying. 2; that it has helped you! I am so glad that by finally putting out there how life can really feel at times is worthwhile to me and for others. Thank you for thanking me

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">This post hits home more than anything i've read so far, i feel like you have put into words exactly how i feel. I'm so glad there are other people out there who know what it feels like even though I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'm terrified about how this controls me, i want me back, into my control.

Good luck with it and thankyou.

D

<div align="right">Originally posted by static - 26 October 2006 : 14:53:29</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

freeyourspirit