I know I am dying...

[JustJules]

Been awake all night...googled beige stools and its serious..know i cant do bad nrws..wld finish me..now so sad for family...read cancer support site for hope but they ate all struggling...cant do this...sorry for bad txt via mobile so rubbish...how do people cope...

[jared]

First of all, you're not dying - you just feel like you are. Beige stools? That's the color of mine almost every day!!! I guess according to that I must be dying too. I feel fine. Remember that this HA can and WILL pass, it is only temporary. All your worries have not been cemented before, they're like leaves tha blew away in the wind and you know better... This is no different. Hang in there. Stop googling and read some poetry or the Bible, or watch tv, go for a walk. Life is worth living even taking a dump feels great! ;-)

[JustJules]

Jared, that's the difference though, mine aren't normally and it says it is either pancreas or liver but I did have an ultrasound recently on whole of abdomen which was clear and bloods ok but must be something bad...this whole HA thing is nothing like any anxiety I have had in the past...I've tried EVERYTHING to help but realise that I am just going to make myself much worse health wise if it doesn't get sorted somehow...stress causes cancer

[jared]

Jules, I want you to promise me you will try to be proactive in not worrying about this. Quit googling. There is nothing wrong with you, nothing "off", nothing "out of the ordinary". You are healthy, these tests you took should ease your mind of any doubt.

Stress cannot kill you. It can run your immune system down (what I mean by that is - is you catch colds and other stuff going around easier); and make your life miserable, which clearly you are right now. Panic also likewise does not kill anyone. It is harmless. The only thing it makes worse is your quality of life.

Let me ask you Jules. Right after you said your tests came out fine, you said "but it must be something bad". What could it be that is so bad? You say your bowel movement is lighter colored than usual. Mine is always that color. Heck, my stools have been black before. But it goes away. Sometimes my pee is greener than usual. It means nothing more than the fact your body is producing and excreting normally just like it should. Our bodies change and excrete different chemicals which changes color, odor, consistency, whatever. Last night I got so anxious that I shot water out of my rear as bad diarrhea and thought I was sick. Could have fooled me into the flu. I was fine after that. Anxiety CAUSED that! A one time event! I took a Xanax, calmed myself down, relaxed on the couch, and the rest of the night went fine without any other ill effects. Anxiety is a sucker, it can make us have physical symptoms of what we fear worst. HOWEVER it will not make you die. Although anxiety produces physical symptoms, it does not produce physical ILLNESSES like cancer or whatever else you think it may be. You're not going to die. I remind myself that if I die, I know Jesus and it's what keeps me going. I don't know where you are on that plane but just throwing that out there.

Please promise me you'll believe me and just relax, put your mind at ease. Pop some vitamins, pour a glass of wine, whatever makes you feel better. Get some rest, with each day there's new hope. Stress sucks, but it will not cause cancer. Get out of that circle and enjoy your life. Five minutes ago you were worrying, but now five minutes later you're still alive. Now don't you wish five minutes ago you weren't worrying about where you are right now? Think about it! :-)

[Fishmanpa]

Dude! You're scaring the sh&^ out of yourself! ~

I don't mean to make light of your fear but seriously, there's nothing wrong. As was stated, all your tests are fine. Just promise me you won't start taking your poo out of the toilet and examining it as I read some have! Jared has given you some very good advice, heed it!

They say humor is a cure all so let me tell you a funny and true story and I happen to love bathroom humor ~lol~....
Several years ago I was at a public place and the urge hit me hard and I had to go. I'm not too fond of public bathrooms but when nature calls... ya know? Anyway... I walked into the bathroom about the same time this really big black fella did (I mention this because it's relevant to the story for what I'm going to describe). So I take a stall and he happens to take the stall next to me as the third one was already taken. I don't know what he had to eat but damn! The sounds and smells coming from the stall were...... I'll leave that to your imagination. So I'm sitting there just about finished and I hear from the stall next to me in a deep James Earl Jones type voice.... "Corn?.... I don't remember eating any corn" Well the guy in the third stall started laughing and that got me going too. I nearly fell off the toilet!

By the way, just so you know.... When you do eventually go to meet your maker, a long, long time from now, one of the very last things that happen is your body evacuates. Yes, you sh&^ yourself. Wouldn't it be ironic if it was beige? ~

Good Luck!

[Barnabas75]

Fishmanpa, you made me laugh out loud with your story.Thanks

JustJules if your tests are clear.Believe it.They say the truth will set you free!!

[Speranza]

HAHAHAHHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was once in a public toilet and I swear the woman in the next cubicles passed wind several times in the EXACT rhythm of the William Tell Overture, which would have been fine if I hadn't started singing, "Duhduhduh, duhduhduh, duhduh DUH DUH DUH!" absent-mindedly. You know, one of those, "Oh did I just SPEAK THAT THOUGHT OUT LOUD?" moments.

I stayed in there a LOoooooooong time...

[Barnabas75]

Speranza

[almamatters]

I have never heard of beige stools being any indication of liver or pancreatic problems! If your ultrasound and bloods are fine then you are ok.

[ankietyjoe]

Mine have been paler than usual for 2 years or more. It's an indication that your digestive system is working faster than normal (which is far, far more likely given your current state of mind and stress/anxiety levels).

I've known I have been dying at least a dozen times in the last couple of years as well though. Very dark place to be.