Intrusive Thoughts and Other Symptoms

[scottmu65]

Repeat post as I think I posted in the wrong section first time round.

Hi Everyone,

I don't really know where to begin as I rarely talk about my issues, I don't know what I have, OCD, depression, anxiety or a combination of all of them.

I frequently have depressive episodes, can't get out of bed, extreme worry and panic over nothing, like something really bad is going to happen to me, all the usual stuff attributed to anxiety and depression but I 've started worrying that it may be OCD aswell, I always assumed OCD was the one where people were obsessed with washing hands, counting, flicking switches etc. but I read more about it and now am more concerned for myself.

I am paranoid that I will have, or already have, life threatening illnesses, mainly cancer but also extremely scared that I will get something like locked-in syndrome or be blinded or paralyzed. I always have to keep checking if I have put my cigarette out properly and end up filling the ashtray with water just to be sure that I don't accidentally burn the house down. I am always worried that I have forgot to lock the doors even when I know that I have already done it, I re-read texts/emails among other things multiple times for no reason and don't know why.

The most worrying of all these symptoms are something I learned about called 'Intrusive Thoughts'. I was unaware of this term until recently and for a while now just assumed I was utterly crazy and sick and twisted, I am so ashamed. I started getting thoughts of violence towards strangers. On the other end of the spectrum I am paranoid that I will unknowingly do something (such as drop a cigarette) that will cause harm to other people and that I will be responsible. The most distressing of all are thoughts that I am deeply ashamed of and can barely bring myself to talk to people about, sometimes when I am masturbating or having sex with my wife I get inappropriate sexual thoughts about people close to me or worse. They make me sick and feel like a pervert, they aren't always of a violent nature but are distressing none-the-less, it has gotten to the point where I am starting to think that I am just a freak, a pervert and twisted and insane, I am scared of acting upon them but at the same time they make me feel like this is who I am as a person, it is almost crippling. I feel so ashamed afterwards and loathe myself to the core.

I just don't know what to do, I stopped seeing my counselor because I was scared she was going to judge me and couldn't help me, I am scared to admit this to my GP in case he commits me to a mental home or something.

I am just scared all the time

[PavoCristatus]

You will absolutely not be put in a mental institution for that. And you don't hbe to tell your GP what is happening, just that you want a mental health referral. And a counsellor's entire job is not judging people! That is the reason they are there, to listen and not judge. It is a mental health problem and they will understand that very well.

This can get better, just have a bit of trust in the people who can help you, and they will explain to you how this is absolutely not something to be ashamed of, and that the being over-cautious is just our brain trying to keep you alive by the means it sees necessary.

It's not easy to get help, but when you finally see even a little improvement it is worth it!

[Emphyrio]

These are classic OCD symptoms (I have them too). The mere fact that you're on here writing about how worried you are having these thoughts tells me that you're not a pervert or insane - if you were you would assume these thoughts are perfectly natural and have no issues with them! With OCD (pure 'O' in particular), we think of the worst possible thing we could do, and dwell on it for ages.

I highly suggest that you first look on how to manage the symptoms using CBT. There is a good book that I'd recommend called the 'Imp of the Mind' by Lee Baer - it deals with these intrusive thoughts and suggests ways you can overcome them. It is possible to overcome these thoughts without medication.

Aside from that, keep your body and mind as calm as possible. When you are stressed these thoughts appear much worse. Limit caffeine and alcohol intake if you can and make sure you get enough sleep.

[NoPoet]

Hi, recently intrusive, horrible thoughts have plagued me and for the first time, I have genuinely tried to face them and find out what they are doing in my head. Previously I ran away from them until they buggered off.

But just like the strange man who knocks on your door saying you owe the BBC money because you bought a television (you obviously owe Currys because the telly is on finance), the thoughts will return, and you can't simply lean out of an upstairs window, shout "Up here mate!" and tip a pint glass full of wee on them to make them go away again.*

There is little doubt that there are reasons why everyone experiences disorder-level anxiety, but maybe the reasons are not always the ones we think of. This might explain why these thoughts only come about when we are at our worst. Maybe our minds generate thoughts to provide context or an explanation for our fear. If this is true, it would explain why someone with generalised anxiety disorder will often find something else to be frightened of once they beat a problem, and why people think "Where the hell did THAT come from?!"

Maybe there is no "core problem" for you - maybe your anxiety is metabolic, which means your body is prone to enter the fight or flight reflex, even when you don't feel anxious, which means your anxiety is part of your character rather than being inflicted on you by some outside threat. This may be why you haven't beaten it and find new anxieties generate over time.

CBT would be a good start to gradually train yourself out of this reflex, to train yourself to think and behave in a more affirmative, confident way and to understand WHY you become anxious. Remember, anxiety can create depression because it's hard to laugh and joke when you're scared to death, and OCD is where you create "ritual behaviour" to alleviate anxiety.

Beat the anxiety and the depression and OCD will surrender. Go for it!

* Don't do this in real life. It's weird.