Hi there folks
As many of you know I recently got married in Las Vagas and on Sunday hubby Steve and I threw a party back home for our family and friends.
Have to admit I had the wobbles about it during the week running up to it and then dealt with it in my usual dysfunctional way in the last few days - feeling nothing about it at all; no excitement and no fear (this happens to me sometimes when I can't deal with things very well but I wouldn't say its a good thing - I should have been feeling something about my own wedding party at least!!).
Anyway, I had a bit of bad news running up to the day when I found out that the younger of my 2 brothers wasn't going to come. He gave some excuse about having a bad knee but I'd had a feeling all along that he wouldn't turn up as we very rarely see each other even though he only lives about 60 miles away. Its not that we don't get on, he just likes to keep himself to himself and if you ask me, I think he's quite the anxious type himself as on the phone he admitted to not liking crowds and said he'd take Steve and I out later in the week. I was really mad for a while but hey, if it is social phobia I should be a bit more understanding -been there, done that etc.
Had to laugh about my mum though, she's suffered anxiety and panic for about 36 years and she was a quivering wreck for days beforehand. Plus it was a real trauma trying to get her kitted out in a suitable outfit, it took 5 different shopping trips as she panics if she's out for too long in any one go. What a pair. Plus my sister in law (wife of brother who did come to the do) is also on meds for panic so I decided we could all sit in the 'funny corner' if needed.
Anyway, what a ramble.... the day came and the only thing I can complain about is the b****y weather, it rained and rained and rained some more. But other than that, I'd been at the do about an hour and shock, horror, realised I was starting to enjoy myself. This was not expected! I had a touch of anxiety trying to make sure I got round to talk to everyone (I'm not really great with big crowds either) but other than that, it was, well, FANTASTIC!
We got home very late and I started feeling a bit funny lying in bed and said to Steve that it must be delayed anxiety. But on reflection, if the state of my head was anything to go by the next day, I think it was more like too much champagne [:I]
Thanks again everyone for all your support, sorry for going on a bit but I wanted to let you all know that it is possible to survive and even enjoy something that you had previous regarded as a challenge to say the least.
Lots of love Jo xxx
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