Obsessed about losing identity - existential crisis

[HypoMess]

Is it possible to forget oneself? I am at a low point at the moment, constantly wondering whether or not it is possible to lose one's identity. I keep repeating to myself that I know who I am, that it is impossible that I could ever forget who I am, etc. However, it has gotten to the point where I fear that if I stop reassuring myself that I know who I am, then I will indeed forget who I am.

This terrifies me for some reason. I have been having difficulty concentrating on anything. I have never been diagnosed with OCD, but these repetitive thoughts about forgetting, about losing myself have been constant for the past two months. I just can't relax. I am afraid to relax, for some reason. It sounds incredibly stupid, but it's almost as if by thinking I am keeping some terrible mental illness (like schizophrenia or dissociative identity disorder) at bay. This can't possibly be true, but why do I fear it so intensely? I just don't feel like my usual self, and it's hard to explain. I am tense and cannot allow myself to be distracted. If I am distracted then I forget. And I am always analyzing whether or not this action or thought is the real "me" or if it's someone else, even though that makes no sense. I feel like "me", but it's as if I can't accept that this "me" is "me".

I really hope I am not going crazy. Also, I am hyper aware of being conscious, that is of being inundated with intrusive thoughts that I alone know about. Does this make sense? I just feel so alone with these thoughts, like no one could ever understand them, that how I appear to others is not how I appear to myself. This terrifies me, this dichotomy, for some reason.

Will these thoughts about personal identity ever go away? Is this some sort of existential crisis? Can I truly forget who I am and lose myself? Why can't I relax?

[Ikaeoph]

I have this same worry, it's crippling me so much that I stay awake till 7am because I'm too scared too go to bed as when I'm lying down the fears are impossible to be distracted from, I'm worried I'm crazy too

---------- Post added at 07:04 ---------- Previous post was at 06:55 ----------

Also I have this constant intense feeling where for a second I feel like I'm not me, it's so powerful it's like a thunderous in my very consciousness, and of course I panic and it only gets worse, then the dreaded intrusive thoughts come along... constantly telling me I'm insane and the fact I can't control them makes me wonder if I already have lost my mind, sorry I can't help but I thought telling you that someone else has this might lessen the burden.

[lisa0406]

same here D:

[ElliStar]

Hi
I am new to nomorepanic...I have been reading threads for a while but decided to sign up today as I am going through a hard time with a new irrational thought which I won't go into...
I have had similar thoughts/feelings to what you are describing, quite a few years ago now. (I have had anxiety for years, what I worry about changes quite regularly)
I used to have to go around repeating to myself my likes and dislikes, my beliefs, my personality etc I felt like I had to be defined in some way otherwise I would 'loose' who I was and, like you say, 'forget' who I was.
It is quite some time now since I had this but I do remember that I got over it by constantly saying to myself "you won't forget" and forcing myself to turn off the thoughts. I find that repeating one word or phrase helps, or even just saying "no" every time those thoughts come into your head and thinking about something else. Really hard at first but the more you do it the easier it gets and then eventually the thoughts don't come into your head anymore. This is what I use for all my worries (I have worried about my weight, God, how we got here, my health - I often convince myself I am ill in some way and as hard as it is I just have to be firm with myself put the thoughts out of my mind.)
You are not going crazy, you just have anxiety. Anxiety is in your mind and can be controlled if you try hard enough. I did eventually get over this particular obsession (and moved on to others, as I always do lol). Eventually I was able to get on with my life and relax and I certainly didn't forget who I was. I remember these thoughts very clearly but I hadn't thought about them in years until I read your post, so it can definitely go away.
Try relaxation exercises. This is where you lay down or recline in a chair, close your eyes and tense your muscles for a few seconds then let them go whilst doing deep, slow breathing. It helps if you do this to slow, relaxing music or even better get a CD which talks you through it. You can find things on the internet also which describe how to do it. I find it helps to pick a word and focus on repeating that word over and over in your mind, as well as doing the breathing, as this helps to push all thoughts out of your mind. This may not sound like much of a treatment but it is used by many for anxiety and has helped me with things in the past. Might not work straight away, you have to persevere and try do it every day.
I know exactly how you feel but I did get through this and I can tell you for definite that you will not forget who you are just by living your life and thinking about other things, it's impossible. The only way to prove this to yourself is to allow yourself to let go and think about other things, and you'll see that you didn't forget.
Hope you feel better soon, take care.