okay so im 17. i have anxiety..over everything basically and about a week or so ago ive been having intrusive thoughts. bad, horrible thoughts like violent and sexual perverted thoughts and theyre making me go crazy. i would never do such a thing but why am i thinking them? im scared and they give me so much anxiety and i have panic attacks and cant stop crying because im afraid of going crazy. am i going to be like a psycho killer one day? i dont want to be. im a gentle person, really. im afraid these are never going to go away and it makes me sick where ill stay in bed and do nothing except for looking at my 4 walls. i dont eat because they make me feel guilty and i get an upset stomach. ive become kinda distant because i feel like im crazy and i dont want to be i just want them to go away and i want to be normal. please tell me im normal. will these ever go away??? im afraid of when i get older and have a bf... what if i have intrusive thoughts about him??! or my kids if i have kids? sometimes i feel like im not worthy of living because i feel such shame and guilt because of these thoughts. i cant see a knife or scissors or watch a violent tv show because i get thoughts of harming others, even my family. and i get sexual perverted thoughts too. what is wrong with me??
sometimes i feel the urge to act out on these thoughts just so the thoughts would just leave me alone. im not going to and i dont want to. but my mind makes me think thats how im gonna get rid of them. my mind is just tricking me. i need to remember im not crazy. these thoughts arent real. im having an anxiety attack and my heart is beating so fast and my chest hurts and im so hot. i just need to breathe.
i told my parents and they are concerned but they dont think im crazy which helps and they told me they get the thoughts sometime. they said they think i spend too much time in my room and i have nothing to occupy my mind, which is true. i dont do anything extra curricular and i am cyber schooled and take my classes in my bed. ive been trying to distract myself all day and nothings working. i keep thinking of thinking about the thoughts which is driving me crazy and i dont wanna be like this anymore. i cant help but think only 3 weeks ago i was fine and wasnt having any bad thoughts. im starting to think these are never going to go away and im going to be like this forever. please someone, anyone, give me some insight and help me? please dont think im crazy.
This is a vicious cycle and one second im fine and the next these thoughts consume me and are debilitating. Now everything I do I have horrible intrusive thoughts about and idk what to do. Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with these? I know it's important to realize that these are just thoughts and they can't hurt you but still. They scare me and they're mentally hurting me and they're so horrible.
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