Desperate

[halfwayhome]

I don't know what to do anymore.
Over the past few days, my anxiety has reached a new level. I'm constantly in a state of panic.. until I tire myself out and then it's just a horrible sense of general anxiety.. my stomach is constantly churning, I'm barely eating, barely sleeping and when I do it's for an hor at a time, maybe. All I think about is a brain tumor. I'm missing things, cancelling plans, hiding from the world except my boyfriend who I am slowly torturing by driving him totally crazy with my anxiety.
The only symptom that could be a brain tumor that I have is a sense of muscle weakness or tension on one side of the body. I'm not sure if the muscles are ACTUALLY weak or if they just FEEL weak, but it's something. And they're definitely more tense on the right side than the left side. My right eye also feels funny and sometimes the right side of my face and my entire chin and lips feel numb.

Everyone thinks I'm completely nuts. And I try to tell them that I can see where they're coming from but at the same time, it's not like I just have a headache and am assuming THATS a brain tumor - I have muscle weirdness on one side of my body. THat's not a common symptom.
The doctor at the ER where I went said it's stress, and anxiety but I don't see how that's possible. I don't know what to do, but I know I can't keep living the way I'm living right now.
I can't go see my psychaitrist, because he's out of town. I can't go to another doctor for a third opinion because I'm too terrified. I can't just 'get over it', because it doesn't work like that. I can't keep doing things the way I'm doing them now because I just can't keep living like this.

I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I'm crying as I write this, and I don't know what to do. All I can think of is "I have a tumor and I am going to die."
I don't want to die.

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

xoxox

[HazyMind]

Hi

I know exactly how you are feeling as it seems like i'm in the same boat as you right now.
Anxiety does cause the symptoms you have, anxiety causes muscle weakness, I have this myself but i do understand how hard it is to accept it's anxiety all the time.
Anyway my fear is that I have a brain tumour and I just can't stop thinking this way, these thoughts are just eating away at me, sometimes I can barely move because of the state I get myself into with the worry and anxiety about it all.

Have you thought about going to see an optiction?(sorry spelling!?)
I am going to do this as they have special machines that can see behind your eyes, if there was a tumour there then i'm sure they would spot it, and this would help put your mind at rest and it beats a massive dose of radiation from a brain scan.

Im sure that you dont have a brain tumour hun, please trust the doctors opinion in ER.

Have you read the pages on the home pages of this site?
Here's a link that might help you understand how out bodies react to stress and anxiety and why we get the symptoms we do, hope it helps some. Please dont worry yourself, although i do so understand how hard that is when we fear what we do, I'm sure you will be fine!!!!

Health Anxiety

x

[halfwayhome]

I haven't been to an optomotrist since I got worried, but at the ER, the doctor did do something with my eyes.. I don't know what. It was some kind of light and he shined them REALLY deeply into my eyes. I saw spots for two days! I know it's not the same thing as looking INTO the eye but I think he was checking to see if a nerve of some kind was inflamed which could happen with a tumor.. anyway, he said there was nothing abnormal and that I should go take care of my anxiety before anything else. I wish I could trust him.

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

xoxox

[HazyMind]

My doctor shined her light in my eye and couldn’t see anything wrong, she tries to convince me that I don’t have a brain tumour and thought it was a good idea to get an appointment with an optician(my idea) purely to help try and put my mind at rest not because she is worried I have a tumour, she then said that after having my mind put to rest she would be interested to see what my next health anxiety would be about.[:I]

She did also say to me that if she had any suspicions about a tumour she would send me for further tests.

I know exactly how you feel with this worry but i am sure that the doctor who treated you in ER is right, it amazes me how anxiety can affect us physically but it does and i'm sure that is what you have(anxiety), also the doctor who treated you knew your worries about a tumour so he would have looked for signs of one and I’m sure if he had any reason to think you had a tumour he would've sent you for further tests etc.

I remember when i went to see an ENT specialist a few years ago and he done lots of tests, had me walking around the room with my eyes closed and threw me back suddenly and unexpectedly to check my god knows what actually, but anyway he was very thorough and i did walk out the hospital that day without the fear of a tumour...however that fear has come back with a vengeance which does make me see that i need to have the underlying anxiety sorted and focus on treating my anxiety as that is the cause!!....but oh those damned niggling negative thoughts are creeping in again so I know how you feel hun but please listen to the doctor, he is right your anxiety needs to be sorted in order for you to feel better!

Im sorry I'm waffling, like you say all you can think is "I have a tumour and I am going to die." if you do think like this continuously then you will feel the way you do, but try and replace it with a more positive thought such as, I have this damned anxiety causing these symptoms nothing more, anxiety can't harm me if I relax it will soon pass, its just anxiety.
Try this for a while and see if that helps, try and break the negative thought cycle.

Hope you feel better soon x

[mick]

hi hwhome and hazymind
try not to panic i to go thru the tumuor thing a bit but im slowly begining to realise thats not the case mine is sinus probs coupled with gad,im only getting rid of my negative thoughts by help from my m8s on this site who have reassured me no end im getting better mentally allbeit slowly i admit,the sinuses are damn awfull but i begining to get to grips with that as well,anxiety screws people like us up big time i know but i bet we will still be posting on an other in 20years time LOL[:P]get my drift?take care you two thinking of ya both and sending out some positive vibes
MIck

[HazyMind]

Thanks for the positive vibes Mick, so need some right now

I think we need to learn to trust our bodies more and focus on how well it does work for us even with our anxieties.

Take care xx