I don't seem to be getting any better.
I can do things but only when I've had a lot to drink, otherwise I can't leave the house, everyone says you can't use drink as it hinders recovery, but am I supposed to just never go out?
My partner is beginning to despise me, it all got too much for him living with me with me like this and he moved back into his parents, but we decided to work on us. But things keep happening that keep making us argue and it's driving me insane, it's always to do with my condition.
I stupidly got on a bus drunk (for the first time in 4 years) on sunday and went to the club he was at so surprise him. He didn't like the surprise, I'd "invaded his time with friends" and his friends don't like me either because of arguements we'd had in the past (me and him)
I'm trying to show I can do things, to show him I am committed and that I want to accept his friends and be a part of his life but now he's ignoring me.
it sounds petty but with my condition I'm just sat here in my house with nothing to look forward to, the days are so long and I must have text him about 20 times. I can't seem to stop. I hate having arguements over my head, it makes my anxiety terrible so I keep trying to make it stop. But I know people need space to breathe and think about things.
I have no friends, nobody i can vent to, and I obviously can't go out. It's terrible. I feel so trapped and insecure and like I'll never be good enough.
I worry that I'm just going to end up trapped here and alone after he has enough of my problems, but at the same time i knwo it's not healthy to be so needy, I just haven't had anybodhy else in my life for years :/ I am very reliant x