giving up?

[halfwayhome]

Does anyone else ever feel like just giving up?
I don't know what else I can do for myself. I try to relax, I try to contact my psychaitrist, he's out of town, I try to go to two doctors, they both are not concerned about a brain tumor, I try talking to friends, I try distracting myself with movies/TV, I try seeing my family, I try sleeping a lot, I try reading, I try asking random people.. and no matter how many "it's not a brain tumor"'s I get, I'm not convinced.
Meanwhile, I'm too terrified to go to another doctor and I also question whether there's a point - are they just going to give me the same test and tell me it's nothing? I hear stories about soo many doctors saying it's nothing over and over again and it turns out to be a tumor. I read statistics like "64% of doctors thought it was not a brain tumor at first" and I panic.
It will never end. I just feel like hiding under a blanket and waiting for the inevitable seizures that come before someone will finally take me seroiusly and think I have a brain tumor.
I wake up every morning trying to think "okay, it's a new day, no more anxiety", but then I go to pick up my cat with my right arm, and the arm just feels weaker. Or, I go to get out of bed and my right leg twitches.
It never goes away. I can't live like this anymore.
I just don't know what to do.

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

xoxox

[jo61]

The doctors have been very inconsiderate if theyhave not taken your fears seriously. Even if it's not a brain tumour which it probably isn't, you are clearly very anxious and need help. Try to see another doctor and talk through your fears. Maybe a therapist could help you.

Take care and let us know how you're getting on.


Jo

[SamJay]

Hi halfwayhome,
I'm sorry to hear about your worries concerning your health...I have the health anxiety too and I know it's not pleasant.
I too was convinced I had something wrong with my brain and so had an MRI, which all my friends thought was ridiculous but of course, I did it anyway. All turned out well and I've accepted the results and now have to try and move away from that feeling. I know it's so hard. I've been in and out of the hospital for the past year having so many tests done and all of my results are healthy apart from my worry that I'm not.
I realise now that all the worry will create aches & pains here and there but that they're not anything to worry about...the sooner you can try (and I know it's hard) to stop worrying about the pain...it will ease.
I think that talking about it helps a lot and this forum is the best place to do it as we're all in a similar boat, so to speak.
If you ever want to chat about how you're feeling, I'll be here to listen.
Take care and I hope you feel better.
SamJay

[halfwayhome]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">The doctors have been very inconsiderate if theyhave not taken your fears seriously. Even if it's not a brain tumour which it probably isn't, you are clearly very anxious and need help. Try to see another doctor and talk through your fears. Maybe a therapist could help you.

<div align="right">Originally posted by joanna61 - 05 December 2006 : 08:22:03</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I had a therapist.. but he isn't returning my calls. I'm HOPING he's out of town, but who knows?
The doctors aren't MY doctors, that's probably why. One was at a walk-in clinic and one was at the ER of a hospital. I went to two because I figured they wouldn't be TOO concerned.. the first one said he didn't think it was anything, come back if things get worse.. the second one, I told specifically my fear of a brain tumor and he did an exam and then told me it wasn't one. I asked him if he was sure and he said he was sure enough that he wasn't going to order a CT scan because there was no need for one. He said more than once "this is not a brain tumor."
For most people that would be enough. My symptoms are appearing AFTER I research about brain tumors.. that shold be a clue that it's all in my head too, but I can't help it. :(

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

xoxox

[halfwayhome]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Hi halfwayhome,
I'm sorry to hear about your worries concerning your health...I have the health anxiety too and I know it's not pleasant.
I too was convinced I had something wrong with my brain and so had an MRI, which all my friends thought was ridiculous but of course, I did it anyway. All turned out well and I've accepted the results and now have to try and move away from that feeling. I know it's so hard. I've been in and out of the hospital for the past year having so many tests done and all of my results are healthy apart from my worry that I'm not.
I realise now that all the worry will create aches & pains here and there but that they're not anything to worry about...the sooner you can try (and I know it's hard) to stop worrying about the pain...it will ease.
I think that talking about it helps a lot and this forum is the best place to do it as we're all in a similar boat, so to speak.
If you ever want to chat about how you're feeling, I'll be here to listen.
Take care and I hope you feel better.
SamJay


<div align="right">Originally posted by SamJay - 05 December 2006 : 08:27:37</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

They won't even let me do a CT scan or an MRI because they say there's no need for one. On the one hand, I wish I could have one to see if my fears are founded or not.. on the other hand, I'm way too scared to get one anyway because I have myself completely convinced that I do indeed have a brain tumor. It's been a few weeks since I've been scared and nothing has happened - no seizures, no slurred speech, no decreasing mental abilities, and the headaches I get are not at all charecteristic of a brain tumor. The only symptoms I have that scream "BRAIN TUMOR!" to me is that the right side of my body appears to be weaker than the left. I also get muscle spasms here and there, but I've had that my whole life. I was a bit lightheaded today but that's not really a symptom anyway.

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

xoxox

[SamJay]

Hi again,
I think Joanna is right in saying the Dr's you have seen are inconsiderate. Actually, the neurologist I went to see made me feel awful too as she just dismissed me, similar to how you are being treated.
Can you go to your family Dr? Hopefully he/she would be more re-assuring to you? What kind of test did the second Dr do?
You know, I used to be constantly on the internet looking up all of my symptoms and I've forced myself to stop doing it as it really made me feel worse. Maybe try not to do that so much, if you can. I'm now relying on answering my Q's through this site and find it really is helping.
All the best,
SamJay

[jo61]

I agree with Samjay, a family doctor might be more tuned in to health anxiety and treat the cause rather than the symptoms.
Let us know how you get on.

Jo

[Nel]

Sorry you feel so bad hon xxx Anxiety drives our worst fears and makes them seem SO real.
Weakness on the right side of your body, muscle spasms and feeling lightheaded are ALL due to your anxiety.
My husband suffered a few random panic attacks a few years back, he had terrible chest pains with the attacks and immediately thought - it's my heart! As soon as he had that thought, his entire left arm went numb. He had all the tests at the hospital and they all showed he was strong and healthy.
I don't know how to convince you that this is anxiety, doing it's nasty, wicked thing!
Do see your GP about your anxiety, try to ignore the scary thought and address your anxiety symptoms.

Nel xxx