Social anxiety, keeping me from being productive

[Manny]

Hi all. It's been a long time since I posted or been on No More Panic. It helped me in the past and I'm at a point in my life that my mental health is more out of control than ever. However, today I specifically wanted to talk about what has been going on in regards to my social anxiety. I always had some anxiety over social situations and even with just doing every day things in front of people. I have a fear of public speaking, and in general, I feel extreme anxiety being around groups of people who are showing me attention... and at this point.. just walking down the street.

I just turned 26. I've been diagnosed with bipolar (type II). And anxiety. The psychiatrist said that I was showing pronounced signs of agoraphobia.. and I've known this to be true far before he told me. I've been trying to make myself go out, to be around crowds, and finally... to go to interviews without having a complete panic attack (although, sometimes I do). So, today, I went to an interview that I was feeling pretty confident about. Yes, I had lots of anxiety, that's never going to change for me. However, this happens every time I have an interview. As soon as it is over, I panic and panic, not because I'm not getting over the initial experience, I panic for the phone call that will come to tell me I got the job! I panic for the reality of dealing with people... even simple things like handing them the correct change.. and in relation to today's interview, to be a TOUR GUIDE and have everyone listening to me. I've tried to work at a cafe, and I almost, as dramatic as this sounds, I was more willing to kill myself than to have to return the next day. Alas, I don't want that.

So I panic about the job and the people becoming a reality. I REALLY need a job.. and this one in particular falls into a category that I went to school for. I hardly eat because I can't support myself. I have no family supports (most are gone). I have been on a waiting list to see someone for over a year. People ask me how I got through an undergrad degree with anxiety, I don't usually tell them, but any time I joined a class that you had participation marks in, or had to do presentations, I dropped and switched classes to one that would be in tune with my mental health.

Does anyone experience this anxiety? If so, any tips on how you got past it, if you did? I have no one else to turn to but I know there are others out there like me.

Thank you,

Manuella

[Oosh]

I've always had social anxiety around groups and the workplace, people listening to me, all that stuff.

I spent whole college courses taking my breaks in my car.

I've done jobs were I'd sooner be dead than have to go back.

I've started a course and on the first day when sat with the others, disappeared as every one took their first walk around the college.

I'm happier now being self employed. No boss, no colleagues. I attract a customer online with a website, give a quote, turn up and do a job alone most of the time then get paid.

It's good to expose yourself to more peopley things. It's good for building up your belief in yourself. It definitely does do that. So much of it is belief in yourself and feeling capable. But I think it's ok too to accept you don't want jobs that don't suit you and choose something you can relax a bit in.

TOUR GUIDE ! What on earth were you thinking ha !

If it was me they'd turn around and go "where's he gone ? Is that him running. away over there ??"

[Manny]

You sound a lot like me. I actually tried to think of ways to be self-employed. I tried a couple things, but they've more or less failed. But ideally, it would be a good start for me. I'm not sure what I was thinking on the tour guide thing, to be honest, all it said was working with the preservation of fossils, nothing about tour guiding until I got to the interview:(. But now, I feel all conflicted if I get it. I need the experience, but I was hoping to go into archives.. behind closed doors for the most part.

I guess I keep wishing I was different, but perhaps I need to accept that I am not.

---------- Post added at 21:08 ---------- Previous post was at 21:07 ----------

Also, thank you for the reply

[Oosh]

The preservation of fossils aka Tour Guide, off coooourse !! Haha

I could make up a joke about the people on your guided tour all being old but I won't because it's mean.

Archives, behind closed doors, yes, that one ! :]

[littlemrs]

Hi Manuella,

I also suffer with general and social anxiety and as a result cannot work, and haven't been able to work for many years. I ran a small online shop for a few years. I started the business as it was something I could do from home, but that ended after a few years due to the recession. I'm currently studying for a degree through the Open University, and I only considered doing this because I could study from home and sit the exams at home. My social anxiety was so severe as a teenager I couldn't go to school and as a result I had little to no qualifications. Studying for my BA has made me feel much better about myself.

[Manny]

Hi Little Mrs

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with social anxiety as well. I haven't worked in almost a year. Well, I was a search engine evaluator but I get no hours, and it's not even half my rent by the time I'm done. I understand not being able to work. How did you support yourself after your online business was affected by the recession? ... if you don't mind me asking. Congrats on working towards your BA

[littlemrs]

Hi Little Mrs

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with social anxiety as well. I haven't worked in almost a year. Well, I was a search engine evaluator but I get no hours, and it's not even half my rent by the time I'm done. I understand not being able to work. How did you support yourself after your online business was affected by the recession? ... if you don't mind me asking. Congrats on working towards your BA

Thanks
Not being able to work has huge repercussions for us. My husband works and I received benefits for a while until I stopped claiming recently. But we cannot afford to move out so we are living with family. The whole situation just makes me feel a failure

[fishman65]

All these stories are so familiar,I feel as though I could have written each one.I can empathise,I really can.