Feeling really detached?

[tonightwefly]

Ugh. I don't know. Recently I've started to feel very cut off from myself and everything else. I'm getting the physical symptoms of anxiety but it's like I just don't feel anything any more, like I'm observing someone else.

As a consequence I never fully believe anything that happens to me. I had a panic attack on Thursday and I felt truly awful at the time, but even while it was going on it was like the main part of my consciousness was looking down and going "well, you have no reason to react like THAT to THAT trigger - that isn't real." Everything goes under analysis and it's driving me crazy.

I'm no longer sure if when I panic it's real. Or if it's just force of habit, or something. Whether I could stop it if I really wanted to. And an hour ago I tried to trigger myself. God knows why. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I didn't get very far. I panicked. But it was like I was watching myself. And then I started crying and I couldn't figure out why I was crying and I was sort of impassively observing myself thinking "why are you doing that?"

I used just to have a simple phobia, and sure the anxiety symptoms were horrible but that was it. One level and that was all, sitting on top of the rest of my personality. I avoided any sort of direct trigger for four years. And now this is added on and I'm so confused, I just don't know what the hell to do. I don't feel like I have any self left. There's the panic. And there's the analyst. And there's nothing in between any more.

And of course the analyst is wondering why that bothers me. [B)]

Anyway. Basically just asking desperately for anything similar. Trying to second-guess the analytical part before it makes me doubt myself more.

Thank you.

[rmlamatt]

(And an hour ago I tried to trigger myself. God knows why. Stupid, stupid, stupid.)

Hi, Don't call yourself stupid for trying to bring on a panic attack. That's a good thing. In fact it's a great way to rid yourself of the panic. The thing is to remember how you can relax through the attack, which you creat yourself. Remember you're the one also who can relax yourself out of a panic attack, you're in charge of your thoughts. Great going, I'd say.
Rose

Don't walk in front of me I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend

[angiebaby]

I know exactly how you feel, it is terrible, suffering the same myself. Mine started two years ago through something so small and stupid, then i was put on seroxat and the unreality kicked in and now i cant get rid of it. Living with fear, anxiety, panic, unreality, etc, etc, is an awful thing and also with depression, take my word for it, but from what i've read we have to keep going and keep fighting it. I went to see a hypnotist and they advise this 'floating through it' and letting it pass over you, the same as the wonderful Claire Weeks, i have her book, although i think that i'm beginning to realize that you need to fight, stop it in it's tracks, question it and by doing this you are taking control and telling it you are the boss of your body and mind and not the other way around. Now, that said, it is extremely difficult, i managed to stop my panic attacks this way, but not the rest. Although i was reading something yesterday that did give me some hope. It stated that the unreality, not knowing yourself etc, was the last stage - this made me feel a little better, meaning we have been through the hardest and are getting somewhere. I hope this had made you feel a little better, we all have good and bad days though. Feel free to talk to me whenever you wish, even if you just wanna let of steam. Try and stay as strong as you can and as your message comes across to me. Love Angie.x

It takes a minute to get anxiety, but a lifetime to get rid of it!!!

[tonightwefly]

I've never had any treatment. That's what I don't understand, that this seems to have come out of nowhere. I wonder if maybe it comes from breaking the avoidance that I've been practising for so long.

Then again I wonder if maybe the anxiety is going away on its own. Does that happen? Emotionally I'm far more stable than I was. But the physical symptoms are the worst I've ever had and I just don't understand it. I never really had *proper* panic attacks before, I was just anxious and depressed a lot of the time. Now I'm just detached and unreal, punctuated by true panic attacks for the first time. And I don't even know if those are real.

I was beginning to be able to reconcile myself to the idea of getting treatment and now I'm not sure I deserve it.

Ironically the thing that's triggering the most anxiety right now is this sudden change in symptoms. If it is going away on its own I should be happy, shouldn't I? But I'm not. I'm just scared and I don't even know why. I can't get my head around any of this.



----------
"Five million cybermen? Easy. One doctor? Now you're scared!"

Doctor Who is strangely true-to-life sometimes...

[angiebaby]

I too feel scared a lot of the time, from the moment i wake up to the moment i eventually go to sleep. We are concentrated so much on our bodies and our minds i think, that's why nothing else gets a look in and we are not interested in anything else. Also why we are so tired all the time, emotionally drained! It takes a lot out of us and we don't realize this, even when we understand it. It is an awful feeling and two years later it's still there for me. My husband says he can see an improvement in me, but i don't think i've changed at all. Anxiety can lessen and we learn to accept it i believe but that is the hard part, accepting the fact that we are really alright and are not going to die everyday when we wake up to 'ANOTHER OF THOSE DAYS'. I have no answer to give you, only support of what i've been through and am going through now. Things that i have read and learnt and advise that many have given to me, although it all makes sense to you, putting it into practice is another thing and i've found extremely difficult. It is good to feel better emotionally but if you are still having the physical symptoms then your brain is obviously still on overdrive. When i look back at each day i find it very difficult to decifer if it has been good or bad and accept that if i haven't had as much unreality or as many ectopics today, then it was good, but i still feel the same emotionally and physically. I think that i am realizing what is happening to me now and that makes me feel even worse for some reason, but it still is not going away. I just hope and pray that one day soon i will be able to look back and think, well yes i do feel better now. Love Angie.x

It takes a minute to get anxiety, but a lifetime to get rid of it!!!

[Sacha]

I have been suffering with feeling detached from everything for a long time now. The feeling of always questioning where you are or wondering if you are really there or if what is going on around you is really happening. It makes you feel as if you are going insane. I sometimes feel like my body is one thing and my mind is another and they don't fit together. It is really scary because you feel you have no control over yourself and that there is a block in your mind not allowing you to face reality. The thing that keeps me going is knowing that I am not the only one going through this. Keeping that in your mind makes you feel less alone because it is really hard to explain to people how you are feeling when they have never gone through it before. So,
knowing that these feelings and thoughts are a common thing is that little bit more reassuring.