Hello everyone!
I am writing this hoping that it gives other people with the same type of anxiety hope and maybe offers reassurance of some kind.
For the past 18 months i have suffered with terrible HIV anxiety. I made a bad decision and i paid the price for it because i worried for months and months. I thought i had gotten over my anxiety but it came back 5 weeks ago.... big time! I wasn't eating, i wasn't sleeping and i couldn't concentrate on anything but my anxiety. I had convinced myself that i had HIV and that there was no way out for me.
I have been writing on this forum sometimes daily for help, advice and reassurance from the members that know the hell that anxiety can cause. There is no judgement and everyone on here is so supportive in a time where you feel that you have no one else.
Yesterday, after a few days of agonising waiting i finally got the negative results i have craved for so long. I cried and cried on the phone when i was told that i was all clear. The nurse on the other end didn't know what to say so she cried with me. It was one of the most surreal moments of my life.
Some of you may be thinking - "its a quick fix... the anxiety is still there and it will come back...". I agree. I don't believe that my anxiety have gone. It just feels good at the moment. For this reason i have arranged to begin a course of CBT to help myself deal with my issues. I will NOT let this anxiety rule my life or control me any more. The key is going to be being active and facing issues head on.
Some of you may also be thinking "oh she's just come on here to gloat now she's had the all clear." I can assure you that is not my intention at all. I saw a post on here about a month back where someone had had negative results and it gave me a little bit of reassurance if only for a short time and i really hope this can help someone else.
I guess what i'm really trying to say is to have faith and courage to go and get tested. It is the only way that you are going to get your fears under control and start the process of recovery. You CAN and WILL cope with any outcome that comes along. Anxiety has a knack of being like a vice on your emotions, once it has you in it's grip struggle to get out. Please, anyone that is currently going through what i have been through... don't let your fear control you. Be strong, you deserve to be happy again.
Thank you to everyone that has offered me words of support and advice over the last couple of months. NMP has truly kept me going and has given me comfort in the darkest of times. This is by no means the end of my journey with anxiety but I will work as hard as it takes to make this a positive experience and ensure that i make choices and decisions that are right for me and i will allow this experience to make me stronger.
"Everything will be okay in the end. If its not okay, its not the end."
Happy, positive thoughts to each and every one of you.
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