why cant i just accept this for what it is PART 2

[airwolf451]

just want to say that you guys for all your kind words, and it helps to know that im not alone in this world.

again i woke this morning feeling the same way as yesterday, as soon as i opened my eye and sat up there was the pain, but i also had a tight tummy and chest area, feels like everything is strained internally to, if i burp, if feels like im hurting, just every part of my feels old and aches.

yesterday a cooker arrived at the house for my mum that i had bought as a Christmas present last week and i said that when it arrived i would install it, but when it came i wasn't feeling great and didn't feel i had teh strength or will to do it.

they said " when you installing it, and i replied i will do it tomorrow as im not feeling to great" the response was "oh"
at 2 points during the day and evening i was lying in my bro's bed upstairs, family members had walked past me and seen me there and not one came in and said are you ok, or do you need to talk, they just carried on as normal like i wasn't there.

this morning i went to install the cooker to find its too large for the set aside area, so i rang my mum at my sisters and she said "what are we going to do" not even are you feeling any better or are you alright? nothing.

is it just me and my family or do you guys have the same problem to?

its hard enough facing, dealing and accepting anxiety but when you dont have the support behind you its almost unbearable,

as the great author Aurthur C Clarke wrote in his best selling novel 2001

" in the midst of plenty they lay starving"

thats how i feel sometimes.

you've hear the song All I Want For Christmas, well if i could have just one thing it would be to feel relaxed and calm and happy, and not just for me, but for us all here..

I pray that God will look down upon us all and see are suffering and bless it and give us the strength to bare all and allow us to feel at peace with in our bodies and souls, because we are all good people, with good hearts.

thanks guys.

Merry Christmas to you all and God Bless.

[phoenix]

for starters, no family is perfect. Its hard to remember that for people who do not experience anxiety or feelings like we do, it is very difficult for them to understand. for many people, they CANNOT accept that our problems are real and difficult to deal with - such people tend to either ignore us when our problems manifest, or get angry and blame us for not being able to "get over it".
It is very difficult not to get angry at friends and relatives when they react to us in these ways. I only see three options. Talk to them, and keep on until they have some form of understanding - showing them all of us on this forum may be a good place to start.
Rise above - if they are not willing or able to change, get reassurance and support for other sources, again, this forum would do!
Finally, (and this is not reccomended) just treat them how they treat you. If they arent nice, you stop being nice. I dont claim to know where the line is between turning the other cheek and being a doormat, think that it must be different for each of us, but if you change the way you are with them, it may shock them into realising that they way they have been treating you is unacceptable.

love and hugs for Christmas, remember you always have someone to talk to on here who will ask how you are and will really care about your answer.

Vix
xxx

[airwolf451]

hey vix

thanks for your message, and merry Christmas to you

thing is i know my family, if i started ignoring them they wouldnt notice. i lived in Dubiln for 10 yrs and i can count on my hands the many times they phoned or came to visit me, it was always me who had to do the running.

funny thing is both my mum and my sister have been here, my mum was like it for 25yrs, and i spent alot of my child hood worrying about her and helping her out . and now it seems like im alone, as i told someone the other day i had to beg her to come to the hospital with me when i had to go she a shrink, ok she has picked up a few scripts for me and has talked to me a few times, but i feel she never really listened,as nothing has changed.

this is going to sound really selfish of me, but it seems like so much of my life was ruuinned by probs between her and my dad and i was always there, and now when i need someone im cast aside.

today she just ran in and ran back out again, and never once asked me how i was feeling.

just wish i felt my old strength again.

thanks for your words vix, its nice to have someone who cares.,

"only the brave suffer in silence"

[yorkylover]

Hi there,its hard for families to understand.They sometimes dont know what to do for the best.Are you on any meds?

Ellen XX

[chillx]

Hi

I would have to say my husband is exactly the same, never asks how I am. I think he doesn't understand the illness/condition and he therefore doesn't know how to react. Maybe he doesn't want to hear how I feel. His mother told me he was really worried about me and I responded by saying "well I would never have guessed as he never asks how I am." He will go out visiting/shopping but never asks me if I would like to go with him. I think he is scared!

chillx

[airwolf451]

hey again guys just me

still no change, have zispan here but im afriad to use it, as i had side effects with meds before that didnt help. also im outta diazapem and wont get any till tomorrow,

right now my tummy feels like a spin dryer
and my left side mainly my arm aches, and the light is hurting my eyes.

how do i stop this????

[rozie]

Hi Airwolf

I'm new and have just read your post.

You ask how do you stop this?

First I think you must stop yourself. Get as quiet as you can. THis is terrifying I know but it works. Once you stop and quieten your body, you will also stop all the stomach churning and aches and pains.

WHen somebody told me this, I was wound up like a spring . My whole body was coiled so tight I had no idea how to stop the facial tremors..which I was certain meant I was about to have a seizure, my stomach felt like I was on a bad channel crossing and I could not look at the daylight even.

IF you can stop and let the 'symptoms' carry on regardless, I promise you they will subside.

[halfwayhome]

You're certainly not alone.
My father tells me often to just fight the anxiety and get out there and live my life. He doesn't understand you can't just fight the anxiety and get out there and live life - it's not that easy.
I think the absolute best kind of support I get is from my boyfriend. He doesn't understand my anxiety at all - but he ACCEPTS that he doesn't understand and he's there for me the best he can. True, he doesn't always ask how I am, or if I'm okay to do certain things, but he tries his best and that's what means the most to me.
Other than him, though, definitely I understand. My family tends to ignore it too.. but it's just because they don't understand it.

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

xoxox

[Lynnann]

Hey,

I am so sorry that you woke up to another lousy morning, I hope you are feeling a little better by now.

Even though your family don't seem to understand the things you are experiencing, take heart you have a lot of friends on NMP that do.

You will get through this, you will survive, remember you felt so bad yesterday but it did ease. It is anxiety!! You will be ok, I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment but I promise tomorrow is a bright new day!!

I just wanted to send some reassurance to you, hope I have!

Hugs to you

Lynnann

[phoenix]

Anxiety and stress are horrible. no getting away from that. friends and family can be horrible to, whether they mean to be or not. Id suggest that you talk to your mum, id guess that she is all stressed out with xmas round the corner etc. perhaps if you straight out say - ask me how i am occasionally!
I dont know that you can ever get people to treat you the way you would like, or maybe even need. one of the major problems anxiety seems to bring is that is blinkers us to the rest of the world. everyone has problems and many dont want or feel unable to help others with theirs. I know that my problems (emetophobia OCD etc etc - see my other posts for all the gory details) are hugely frustrating to my loved ones as they feel utterly helpless to ermmm... damnit repetition, help.
Everyone has their own stuff going on, and if you havent enough problems, the burden has to be on you to make the recognise your difficulties, and telling them that little things like asking how you are will HELP you a great deal, and you need to reassure them that asking such questions will not lead to any blaming or long drawn out trauma!

just keep talking. eventually they will have to answer you!

hugs

Vix
xxx

p.s. its soooo cold here im actually typing huddled round a tealight candle for warmth!