Returning to Work .. PLEASE HELP

[antw23uk]

Hi All
I've been a lurker for a while but this is my first post and I hope you can give me advice please before I explode!

I was signed off from work with anxiety and depression due to being bullied by my boss mainly but also a combination of losing my dad in Jan and having my horse shot at the end of March. I've been signed off since April and went on anti depressants which after trying two types decided they weren't for me so am not on any medication.

Last week work told me, finally after asking for a while, that my pay was decreasing to 2/3rds as per the sick policy. This not only frustrated me as no one had told me but also scared me into saying I would return to work a month earlier and will spend the next few months on a lower wage as they should have actually reduced this back in June so their mistake, ive argued It but nothing I can do!

I'm trying to stay focused and on the outside im telling people im ready to go back. I lied to my doctor when I said I wanted a fit for work letter even though she had signed me off until the beginning of September ... I said I was ready, I didn't mention it was because I was financially being forced back!

I cant do this, im totally freaking out and ive no one to talk to. The thought of going back makes me want to vomit, I keep breaking down and having small panic attacks but they feel like they are getting bigger by the minute and I feel so anxious that I think my heart may just burst. I want to scream .. NO its not alright, no I don't feel ready, I don't want to go back!!

I've desperately been job hunting since being off, ive pretty much made it my day job but its been so slow and near impossible until the last couple of weeks when ive actually had a couple of interviews. In my gut I feel the right interview and job is just round the corner but knowing my luck if im asked to interview I will be at work and unable to go ... and so the cycle keeps going, I feel terrible, panicked and my anxiety is just constant!

I don't feel ready to go back. Work haven't had my fit for work letter yet although they know I have it. I've requested a call from my doctor today just to explain how I feel but I cant go back but yet I have to because of the money ... I feel trapped.

If you got this far then thank you and any help you can give would be much appreciated.

[Oosh]

Hiya mate

Is this job the one with the bullying boss ?

I don't think you want to go back there do you ?

Why not go back to your doctor and tell her what you've said here. Get her opinion and then have another think.

I'd encourage staying in the workplace so you don't lose your confidence and slip backwards. But if that was the workplace with the bullying boss, maybe a new start would be the best thing for your anxiety levels ?

Hopefully you'll get some more opinions.

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's a tricky sitauation because I would always say to take the time you need, but sometimes money makes it's impractical.

The issue for me is, can you remain there in this condition? If not, you will be off again and probably feeling more guilty for it.

Your first priority is for your health, employers don't count.

I had issues with my boss being difficult, being workshy and not standing up and admitting the role he played in my relapse. I went through the internal complaints process and quit in the end as they just covered up for each other and to be honest, I wasn't wasting any more of my time with a solicitor for a company willing to act in that way.

There are return to work charities or groups in some cities who you can see for help and support. There is one in my city that includes HR specialists for advice as well but they are only for the employed anziety sufferer in the case of mine.

Can you go temping for a while, just to make the leap?

The Fit note issue has changed now. An employee no longer needs to request the GP to change it for you to return, now it simply is waived by your return.