Hi,
I first registered here about three years ago when I was first diagnosed with Health anxiety. My mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer (thankfully she has now recovered) and I had just finished with my PhD and was looking at applying for jobs. I had all sorts of pains in my lower abdomen, which I was sure was some form of serious disease. I went to see my doctor and he diagnosed the pain as "pain predominant IBS" but I had all sorts of blood tests done (and a ultrasound on my abdomen) and of course everything came back clean. As you will all doubt realise, however, this information is never enough; I refused to believe it and eventually the GP prescribed sertraline (first 50mg, moving up to 100mg later on).
Anyway, my mother recovered and I got a job in the US. I joined a new doctor here and slowly but surely we agreed that, since I was doing fine, I could be weaned off the sertraline. So about 6 months ago I was off the sertraline and feeling very proud of myself.
But then my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer.
Now, this occurred in the summer, and I was kind of coping ok for a while. But these last couple of weeks I have been, to put it frankly, a bit of a mess. This also coincides with having to look for work again (my contract was only for 3 years here) and some other personal stuff. I had a routine physical last week, and my blood tests again came back clean, but I'm beginning to get the abdominal pain back again. I can convince myself there is nothing wrong with my digestive system (it's just IBS, I have been through it before), but now I am convinced that I have some prostate problem. Now, I am only 30, and I read (on the prostatecancer.co.uk website) it is extremely rare for such problems to arise in someone my age, but of course I read "extremely rare" as "still possible". Also, probably because I eat late at night and drink a lot of water with dinner, I find myself waking up in the middle of the night needing the toilet, further fuelling my fears. Now I am almost scared of drinking fluids in case I feel I need the toilet - completely stupid, but that's where my mind is.
I have one half of me telling me to calm down, and the other half asking "What if....?". I was so pleased when I came off the sertraline (it felt like such a victory), but now I am wondering if I should contact my doctor here and ask to be put back on, and maybe some CBT.
I guess I'm just looking for reassurance, but also to say that this seems like a fight we have to have everyday in order to survive. I beat this once, I really want to beat it again.
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