Why does anxiety have to make more 'normal' stress worse?

[Charlotteee89]

Just a bit of a rant.

My anxiety is so on and off, I can be okay for a week or two then something suddenly throws me off.

My closest friend at work is hoping to change her shifts which will mean I won't see her at work, at all, if her new hours do change (I also want more hours and to do more day shifts rather than all evenings) and the thought of not seeing her is kinda freaking me out, and thrown me right off.

I'm also getting a bit sick of being at home all day before work (I start at 5pm) and not being able to do such small things like pop to the shop, go into town etc as I can't drive yet, I'm learning though and have my second test next month. My anxiety makes me feel panicky being at home too much, I start to feel trapped and claustrophobic. I know that being stuck at home and not being able to drive would frustrate anyone but my anxiety can exaggerate those thoughts and feelings so much! I feel so much better when I'm out my house. I'm over-thinking everything at the moment, I feel a bit out of control with my thoughts - very restless and stressed.

If it wasn't for the anxiety at home I would be fine! As soon as that box in my mind is opened it's then easier for other anxiety-based boxes to open, if you get what I mean? It's an endless cycle.

I spent years being content and happy at home (due to severe SAD and agoraphobia) and now it's the complete opposite - I just want to be out, doing stuff, socializing as much as possible! And the fact I can't do that easily is really annoying the heck out of me!
I woke up so angry and snappy the other day cause all I wanted to do was pop into town and do some food shopping but I had to wait for my dad to be ready and take me but I didn't have time to do everything I wanted before work so that just made me even more angry. When I got to work I just felt so stressed and just wanted to cry.

Gah, I hate anxiety sometimes! I just need to be patient and chill out about things but it's so hard when your mind is jumping from thought to thought!

[Oosh]

I think it's natural to be worried about your friends shifts. That sounds very normal and understandably unsettling.

I had the same discomfort after a panic attack at home. It can have this horrible tendency to associate times, places etc with the panic attack. I was bothered about my parents house for years. But it's gone now. I'm sure it'll go for you too eventually. Redecorate and change the room it happened in maybe so it doesn't fit the memory anymore.

I think lots of us will naturally worry about anything and everything but I think you're doing ok. I like the direction you seem to be going in. You sound like someone who's continually recovering to me. All the drives you've got sound like the right ones pushing you in the right direction.

Pass that test !

[Carl88]

I would reccomend going for a walk or even better a light jog, would help the anxiety and tension and feelings of been trapped.

[Charlotteee89]

Yes I definitely have bad association anxiety with my home and it's definitely a hard thing to deal with. I keep having little re-lapses, I can feel okay for a week or 2 then suddenly something happens and I feel like I'm back at square one again.

I'm getting obsessional thoughts about being lonely/having no friends again, I think what triggered it is the idea of my friend from work changing her shifts. I've never thought of myself as lonely, I'm just bored with certain aspects of my life and of course the home anxiety doesn't help. They all kind off link together. When I'm feeling anxious at home my thoughts are "Ugh, I need to get out of my house! I need to stop being here so much, If I had more friends..." and then that triggers my obsessional thoughts!

As soon as my anxiety hits, I'm so self aware of myself, constantly checking and scanning myself wondering how I'm feeling and if my thoughts are still here. And then my obsessive thoughts come at random. I feel so out-of-control, it must be the adrenaline, the fight or flight response. My mind is constantly trying to find the danger, it can't find a real one so it delves back into my weak spots - my anxiety. And then I get angry at myself (My Therapist always tells me off for that) which makes me more stressed and emotional.

I will overpower this latest bout, I have done many times before, it's just so hard when it's here, it takes over everything.

[Oosh]

Yeh I know what you're describing. I have suffered from that. It's a crippling self consciousness. I'd describe it like if you can imagine your awareness is multiple movie cameras pointing outwards. But when it hits it's like, in a movie, where the director uses that effect where all the cameras quickly turn in on you.
You go from flowing and just being without thinking to becoming hyper aware of yourself. You're then looking at yourself and analysing everything that you are or are not doing.

What you have to do is look outwards and forget yourself again. Think of the things that make up your current world like your job, your future, your interests and especially anything that gives you cause for confidence and high spirits and build your mood back up and get your focus on the external again.

DONT explore and analyse yourself and your anxieties and start worrying about yourself.

What you focus on determines what mood you'll be in so it makes sense to think what things you can focus on to fill you with confidence, self esteem and enjoyment and focus on them instead.

Anxieties about the friendship with your friend are valid and normal. Its harder as you get older to make quality good new friends and feeling isolated is a worry for many people. Try and think of the problem constructively though ie be solution focused.

[Charlotteee89]

You described it perfectly!

It's a very difficult thing to 'snap out of' once it's been triggered. I get it the most when I'm at home and become very aware that I'm at home, it just causes the anxiety and obsessional thinking. One thought leads to another thought, which leads to another thought.. And so on. Rather than just enjoying the moment and allowing myself to relax, when I'm at home during my day off, not doing much, obsessional thoughts like "Ugh, I'm at home doing nothing again, how embarassing! I wonder what other people think I'm doing?" that crippling over-analyze-ment of yourself starts.

I had a driving lesson today which went relatively well. I notice though, that when I'm anxious it affects my driving, I panic easily and struggle to multi task and can make silly mistakes. A lot of times though it's other drivers doing something stupid which I suddenly have to react to, which throws me off. I really want to pass my driving test next month but I don't know if I'm confident enough or good enough still, if I'm anxious then the chances are I probably won't pass. I also get very nervous over the idea of me being in control of a vehicle, my anxiety makes me feel very out-of-control which doesn't help. I'm scared that if and when I pass I'll have an accident as obviously my instructor won't be there to advise me or to even use the dual pedals if something happens. Like he had to use his pedals today as I didn't stop quite quick enough when a car tried to budge through past me.

I've also been thinking of my future today, wondering what I really want to do with my life. I never went to College so now I'm thinking that I could maybe do that and potentially go to University. When I was younger I wanted to be a Psychologist/Therapist or work in marketing/advertising or became a PA so I could maybe pursue one of those. The World's my oyster really but I need to be patient.

[Oosh]

I know. It IS hard once it pops into your head. But I shrug these off daily now. In your post you reveal that you start to THINK about them. That's the mistake. You may think it's not possible to NOT think about them but it absolutely is. I do it all the time.

You're watching telly.
The first thought BEGINS to shape in your head and you feel your belly plummet as anxiety is triggered.
"Oh it's one of those thoughts"
"Carry on"
"Now where was I up to"
"Watching that man on the telly"
"Got to focus away from that thought and back to where I was up to"
"I'm a bit distracted now."
"Ok a quick recap on where my progress is at the moment. Why I'm excited and what my exciting goals are. What did I do today that was a step forward. What gave me a buzz. What/who do I like. What can I do this evening or tomorrow to take me closer to the things I want. (bye byeee anxious, confidence sapping thought. I see you falling further and further behind me and I feel my mood and confidence returninnnnnng) ok so I can skim over my driving test book. I can do that now. Where's my book. Am I hungry. Maybe a drink. Another driving lesson tomorrow, what did I have difficulty with that I can tackle now in my free time. "
Etc etc

It's about recognising them and looking away and letting them drift past with all the other nonsense that pops into your head.

You're worried about your friendships ? Then you think constructively of ways to solve that. University social life, new careers, your own place and a new social life etc etc
Do not allow self esteem sapping thoughts like "oh how sad does that make me" pop in there. And if they do then look away from the thought before it forms and get back to where you were up to again.

I think uni is a great idea. At this time in your life I think it would be really useful to start a new chapter that involves a group of people like you. So that you can find yourself a new positive career AND a social group to be a part of.

At first you worry about the vehicles size and dimensions but your brain ends up recording this like it records the width of your shoulders when passing through doorways. It becomes subconscious and automatic. Once you pass your test it'll already be feeling subconscious and automatic.

Aware drivers are good drivers. Use your anxiety vigilance. Make it work for you. Be aware of everything going on around you. Stick to the speed limits. You can fail for going too slow as well as too fast.

In the future you are going to be a very good, aware driver. Have confidence in yourself.

[Charlotteee89]

I think I've always struggled to shrug the thoughts off - they're just so strong!

I wish I could just enjoy being at home, being able to relax after a horrible shift at work without over-thinking and getting anxious over things that my mind is trying to convince me off. I'm just very aware of myself right now, it's doing my head in!

I'm definitely going to try and think more 'simply' and maybe try my mindful techniques again.

My obsessional thinking is trying to convince me that I'm alone/lonely and so it's trying it's best to nit pick at my friendships! I found myself getting jealous over my two closest work friends talking and laughing together, it was so silly and I got so annoyed with myself! I'm constantly analyzing my friends at the moment which is ridiculous. The root of the problem is the home anxiety I get, all my anxiety/obsessional thinking seems to lead to that. My two closest work friends have serious boyfriends and I found myself feeling low as I don't have a boyfriend, but all the thinking just lead to thoughts of "If I had a boyfriend I could be with him not stuck at home feeling bored and trapped!" It's just proving how strong my home association anxiety is at the moment.

Next weekend is my birthday weekend and we're all going out for a meal and drinks afterwards so I just need to concentrate on that! I don't want to be in a bad mood for it.

[Oosh]

I know. It's hard because of the predicament you're in. I think it's important for anxious people to get and stay in a healthy situation because out of a good situation our minds really go to town on it all.

A new situation will be so healthy for you.

The sooner you move onto the next chapter in your life the better. Until then and stuck at home it's going to be hard for you to stop that anxious thinking.

Jealousy, insecurity about your friends and their boyfriends, it's all very natural and understandable. I and many others would be the same way. It's pushing you in the right direction.

Make some positive changes as soon as you can into a situation where you can get the things you need/want.

[Charlotteee89]

I don't know what's happened to me but I'm getting quite emotional over the fact I'm single!

I also realised that feeling rubbish about it is actually normal! Soooo many people feel that way.. I just need to stop feeling overally anxious about it and worrying that my low mood is going to lead to full blown depression (for some reason I get those fears when I'm feeling low, I over-think it), I really hate feeling low, I just want to feel happy and secure.

I think it being close to Christmas is making it worse! All my loved up friends are all talking about their Christmas plans with their boyfriends and I'm feeling pretty jealous and left out! I LOVE Christmas! I spent so many years not wanting a boyfriend as I had no self confidence and was pretty happy about being 'independent' but now it's the complete opposite - I'm now yearning for more 'normal' things as my confidence has grown and my anxiety is exaggerating those thoughts and feelings and making it worse. And of course there's the whole home association anxiety thing. Ugh.